Hello

Hi EO! I have just been reading the latest posts and I am really excited to meet you all! I have met so many wonderful friends and when I have reached out for support, I can always find it here on OH.com. Sometimes it is hard for us (formerly morbidly obese or whatever stage we are in) to fit in. I know that because of my weight most of my life I have put up a shield or a wall and haven't really let people in. And it is hard for me to fit in with groups. But we can overcome all that too! I love it here because EO is so positive, friendly and caring. Yvonne just makes me feel like I CAN DO THIS! And we don't have to put on a front like everything is wonderful in our world. She encourages us to talk about whatever is on our minds and I love that , too!

I have been going thru a rough spell. My DH has had Quad-heart bypass surgery last month and has not wanted to be left alone for very long. He is very depressed and will not get out and go or do anything. I have been trying to encourage him to get out and live but it is taking it's toll on me. He and I have always been partners in crime by eating the wrong kinds of food and "pigging out' together for over 30 years and it is quite a change! I don't like to cook anymore and I really need to work on that. I always loved to cook and showed my love that way to my family..now I just avoid the kitchen and I know that the way to do it is to learn to love to cook healthy meals for us both to enjoy. Has anyone else had this problem not wanting to cook?

Anyway, I love you all and speaking of cooking my DH just said from the other room, " What's for dinner!" So I better go and figure it out. ((HUGS)) Annette

Hi Annette...
So glad you are here with this pleasant bunch!!!

my dear girl... you can still show love in your cooking.... by cooking healthy for both of  you! It's just that all of that old stuff came to us naturally... once a co-worker said to me...

"you can take any recipe and make it more deadly with all the extra stuff you add to it!!"  I figure now... I have to learn how to remove all that extra stuff and reduce the unhealthy stuff that was already there...

and honestly... there have been plenty of times when I didn't want to even be in the kitchen let alone cooking... but we do still need to eat.. we aren't talking about giving up drugs & alcohol here... WE MUST HAVE FOOD- NOURISHMENT!

so search for bariatric recipes and get back to enjoying your kitchen...

Also I hope your DH continues to regain his health... it is quite normal for him to be having those feelings of not wanting to be left alone this early out from this surgery. Be as supportive as you would want him to be if the shoe was on the other foot...
Even though it may seem like a long time... it will pass and the two of you will be able to be out and about together again.

Take care...

JEllen.... (Judy)

Thank you for the encouraging words~ I know that it is time for me to quit procrastinating about cooking and just turn it into a good thing by learning new recipes and adapting old ones into healthy. It will make me feel better about myself too. I read your profile and you are doing great ! I have my one year check up with my surgeon at the end of this month and am anxious to see the labs and how I am doing with all that. I have lost 102 lbs and it has changed my life! I am so grateful for my RNY and my better health. Looking better is a plus too! Again thanks for the encouragement! Have a great evening! Annette

Hi Annette. I have to tell you, we are very much in the same boat. DH and I loved eating together. We loved 'Donut Nite'. We would joke that his turn to cook meant ordering pizza. Hell we even got an Xmas card from out local pizzeria one year....No Joke!

Well last year has been one hell of a year. DH and his dad were both diagnosed with cancer. Sadly his dad only made it to April. Dh had his right kidney removed in May (then less than a month later I had a total hip replacement) He is currently on Chemo for his liver. His Chemo has turned him into a diabetic.  Cooking is not my favorite thing to do. But the more I have learned about nutrition the more into meal making I have gotten.  The doctor told me that his blood sugar could effect the outcome of his treatment. I can only accept ONE outcome. 

Hippocrates said : "Let your medicine be your food and your food be your medicine." The more research I've done the more I beleive this. It is hard to get into cooking. Very time consuming. The planning, preparing, and cleaning. It seems like it's the consuming that takes the least time!  Can he help you? Maybe make it quality time? Get him involved, make him shop with you. Trust me I know it's hard, but just remember you have a lot of friends supporting you.

ps what does EO mean?

lilitu...

EO? I was wondering about that also... after busting my brain...
(sheesh I keep typing Brian!) after busting my B- R-A-I-N...

the only thing i can come up with is.... Everyone???

If that isn't it .. I have NO CLUE!

btw...Love that quote from Hippocrates....

My dearest Annette,

I'm going to try to play armchair psychiatrist for a minute.  First before I do that, have you called your husband's doc and told him about his depression?  He may be afraid of getting out....afraid he's not the man he used to be and worried that something might happen to him.  That's definitely something you should ask the doc about because I'm sure he's used to hearing about  this problem.

Now....about the food.  I'm sure you're aware of the blog www.theworldaccordingtoeggface.com and all the great recipes but there might be some other things going on in your head.  Something like "well if I can't do it the way it tasted best, I don't want to do it".  Something sort of like resenting not being able to pig out anymore?  I'll bet that if you were to try some of those recipes that you could turn on that switch in your head that turns that food back into the love you feel for your family.  You also could be concerned that "the love" got everyone in trouble?  There are so many possibilities.  I think it's totally normal to want to avoid it.  You may never get back that "loving feeling" for the food because it ended up hurting you but you could get to a maintenance phase where you could cook some easy healthy stuff.  It's just a matter of retraining your brain.

Let us know what the doc says about the depression OK?  I'm sure your husband is scared and that's the last thing most men want to deal with.
hugs, Y

Hi Annette

Many years ago I had a manager that started to harass me after her third heart-attack. I was SO fortunate to have the most Awesome supervisior. She sat me down and explained to me that when people can have drastic personality changes after heart attacks etc. Some years later this became invaluble info. DH had a heart-attack and had a pacemaker put in. He became a totally different person.  This was not my darling. We got very close to calling it quits.   It took a while but he came back. 

 I absolutley agree with Yvonne let his doc know about his depression. He may need medication for a while. 

Thank you girls for your input! You are right on about the depression. He is on medication for it and he absolutely refuses to see someone to talk to. He has been depressed for several years now and had a heart attack last year and just acted like he had given up on living! He is 57 years old. I am 52 and we have been together for 36 years.(minus a few split ups) This has been a real challenge for me because I am trying to rise out of my own depression and am getting my health back but he won't join me....I know that I should seek professional help with this and was told that I would before I had my surgery. When I had my psych eval. she told me that I had issues that I would have to resolve...and I am here. Guess I will talk to my surgeon about it when I go for my yearly this month. You are also right about the food issues and maybe I do have anger there. And yes there are issues of guilt for feeding my family the wrong foods. My sons also have weight problems. Oh gosh, I definitely have head problems related to food! Thank you for being here...I just feel defeat today. I am going to get off of here and see my beautiful grandkids! That is always a real upper~The sun is shining and it is a beautiful day! Love you guys~ TTYL~ Annette

Sweetie,
Here's a few things to think about.  First I want you to throw out the guilt feelings regarding feeding your family.  You were showing them your love but you had no idea that food wasn't healthy.  You were only doing what you knew....and you did it with love.  Do you remember me saying how much blame/shame/guilt/judgment can suck the life out of us?  Now's the time to start feeling an "upper" about that miracle surgery you had AND the miracle surgery that saved your husband's life.  It might be a little bit of a struggle but so worth it.  DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP GIRL!  We are so good at that you know?

I also noticed that you said that your husband won't join you.  You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of anyone else.  Perhaps by you getting yourself straightened out, you'll be in better shape to help your husband.

Also understand that there are hundreds of us who had issues to resolve regarding our food issues.  That's exactly how we got where we were you know?  I know I am an addict.  I have had to educate myself regarding that all by myself.  It took a long time but I finally figured it out.  It is nothing to be ashamed of....we have a disease.  Now we've been given a tool to help us combat the disease. 

Perhaps you need to push a bit with your husband.  Maybe you could talk to someone together?  Maybe you could talk to his doc and see if he can convince your husband to see someone?  You have kids and grandkids to live for and it might sound awful but no matter what your husband is doing, you've got to keep it together and work on you!  It doesn't help if you both go down the drain. Please feel free to talk to us about this but don't put yourself on the back burner girlfriend. Talk to your husband and tell him how grateful you are that he's going to be OK.  Also know that spouses of WLS patients tend to feel left out and withdraw because we are getting so much attention,  His life is changing too but you are the one getting thinner and everyone is telling you how much better you look.  Include him and tell him how important his opinion is.
Love ya girl, Y

I was going to write you back but then I read what Yvonne posted and she has said everything I would have wanted to say so I post to say Ditto Yvonne!

My newest Mantra: Stand Up-Shine UP-Show Up