Replying to Annette

Annette typed the following reply in the introduction thread so I copied it here so it wouldn't get lost.  Here's her reply:

WOW! Thank you Yvonne for the awesome welcome! I feel blessed that I have found my way here also! The article was actually a post/ reply that you wrote to Ebdjab's question on Dec 27Th. You said so many things there that absolutely "hit home" with me! ABOUT ADDICTS AND MAKING A BLACK AND WHITE DECISION. Me being a diabetic, I believe that your diabetes does not actually get cured and you have to struggle more than WLS patients who were not diabetic to keep those BS in control and those carb cravings! That is my experience anyway. Do you agree?
I am 12 months out and have started to gradually allow more and more carb into my diet-things like crackers and a few chips and a bite of sweet here and there and even SF ice cream. All that stuff does if give me gas and diarrhea! So, I ha vent been feeling nearly as well as I was before I allowed that stuff in! Course it was the beginning of the holidays when I started having a bit here and then a bite there and then the cravings especially at night-even getting up in the night to eat. SO, I think you are right on about a black and white decision-not to even have a bite.

Thank you again for the warm welcome, sweetie, and your commitment to us. Am so looking forward to being a part of this group!

My answer:
So glad to have you here Annette!  You made a move at the perfect time because at about a year you will have to make some definite life style changes (or spruce up the ones you've already started) or you will start on a path you do not want to be on.  I have heard your story a thousand times.  "I started just eating one or two M&M's and then I thought one more won't hurt and then it ended up being the whole bag. Now I gained back "X" number of pounds and I wish I had never started".

Annette the time is NOW!  My first suggestion would be to get as much of that stuff out of the house as possible.  I don't know your family situation but one lady I interviewed on WLS Journeys said she puts it in a special closet and knows that she cannot eat things in that closet.  It's for her husband.  It might sound silly but anything you can do to accomplish that would be great.  Even I would eat bad things at night if they were in my house.  At 9 or 10PM I'm not getting in my car to go buy something.  It saves me on a regular basis.  Eating the bad stuff also keeps the craving alive.  If you quit eating things you will forget what they taste like.  Some people do not want to give up sugar and say they deserve to not be deprived.  OK...that's fine but if sugar and the carbs are the reason you have gained back enough weight to be miserable...well you have to make some choices.  I wish I could verify how many post-ops I've talked to that have regained 20-50 plus pounds back and are so miserable that they are more unhappy than when they weighed over 300 pounds.  They see life through their "weight regain" glasses and it's not pretty.  There are 2 ways to deal with it....either accept your new weight and come to terms it is what it is or fix it.  It is far easier to fix when it is small.  The surgery got me to goal and after that it is my job to keep it that way.  When you get to maintenance I think it is important to weigh once a day to do damage control over a couple of pounds.  I have seen ten/twenty pounds just destroy some women.  They have gotten to their goal and bought new clothes and "tasted" what they consider the good life.  They ended up letting some things slide and are now so upset at themselves and feel like a failure all over again.  Some people would say "BUT YOU STILL HAVE KEPT OFF OVER A HUNDRED POUNDS!!".  Technically true but I've talked to these people and they don't care.  All they can remember is those clothes they got and how excited they were to be there and now they don't fit.  It might sound obsessive for me to say to "stay at goal weight no matter what" but I can't come up with any other answer that makes them happy.  It is much MUCH easier to maintain your goal weight than to try and get the regain off.  Many think "I have to go on another diet?? I can't do it again and I've failed so I'll go eat something to numb the pain".  Annette, please do what you can to avoid this scenario.  For those that are in the regain stage, I am working on getting some help and support for that area. (More info to come)

If you are the type that can just have "just one" of anything then more power to you!  I couldn't so that's why I ended up as an obese person.  I also ate because I was numbing pain that I didn't want to feel.  We are so bombarded by so much news and disaster 24/7 about places and people we don't even know exist but we still feel because we are human.  We get involved in forums where others call people names and bully.  It is a toxic thing for us.  We were already trying to numb pain from our regular life so it doesn't make sense to bring even more pain into our existence.  It is all sucking the life out of us.  We cannot make good decisions about our journey when we are under stress and freaked out.  That's why I say show compassion to those that are being horrible....be grateful we don't have to live in their head and move on down the road on your journey towards the thing you want most in life. (whatever it is)

So....I've written a small book again but I want to point out one more thing.  If you believe you are going to have a harder time on your journey (for whatever reason) then you will.  Say to yourself it is a black and white thing.  "Just say no!"  We are all genetically predisposed to be obese.  We have it in our genes but we've been given an incredible tool that can make it possible to beat the disease. Believe...Believe and see yourself as the success you've always wanted and it is possible.  If you are always walking under that dark cloud, then you'll always be under that cloud.  Decide that you'll walk fast enough so the cloud doesn't catch up.  You and everyone here can do this. 

I'd love it if when anyone is having a tough time that they post about it.  Let us offer some support and encouragement.  Sometimes we just need someone to put it in prospective for us.  We take our lives for granted so many times and it helps when you have a friend or member to help you see the things that are so wonderful.  It is so important to concentrate on the things we are grateful for in order to be in the right mindset to keep ourselves in line.  It is far easier to look at that cookie or that chip and say "go away you bother me kid" when we are in the attitude of gratitude.  I look at sugar as poison and I see it leading me back to my prison of obesity.  It will hurt me, it will put me back in jail and I don't ever want to go there again.

Again, so glad you're here and so glad for your reply because it starts me up again.  It helps me, hopefully it helps someone else too.  Thank you for your participation and I'm looking forward to much more!
hugs, Y
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I love it when you are started up again!~Thank you for your compassion and encouraging words...from the voice of experience. I LOVE IT! I am a doggie lover also, I have a 14 year old silver poodle named Curly Sue who is still just as fiesty as a pup...I thinking we may need a cat to keep her lively! lol! ((HUGS)) I feel excited and encouraged! Thank you, dear! TTYL!

Doggie lovers are special.  I have always been a passionate animal lover and of course I know I am totally addicted to the unconditional love they give.  I always dreamed that I would have a human relationship as pure as an animal's love.  I know my animals never saw me as "fat" and loved me no matter what.  And hey, if you are in the market for a cat I can provide!  I've taken on the cat problem in the whole neighborhood.

Thank you for your kind words and thank you for being part of our group.
hugs, Y
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