What did you weight loss not fix?

Since the focus on the main board tends to be about weight loss - how much should I have lost - how can I jumpstart my loss - how am I doing with my weight loss - I thought we should try to think beyond the initial thing that brought us all to OH to grapple with the far greater issues that we have to confront for the rest of our lives.   What is the one issue you are most struggling with at this time.  Is it related to your weight?  Is it related to your self-care?    Your self-concept?

I'm newly struggling - yet again - with a man who entered my life with tremendous energy and passion and who is now struggling with his own issues and retreating from me.  I'm lost because he represented to me someone so completely different from my husband - open and willing to discuss his feelings and tremendously insightful into his own drives - good and bad.    This is the first crisis presented to us and he's fully retreated and I cannot get him to talk to me.  I'm feeling out of control and so full of dispair.   I want to do something - and there is nothing to be done.  So I'm practicing the Tao - Doing nothing and yet nothing is left undone.  Things will emerge as they will and I have to trust that this shift is part of the plan.  I just wanted to write the plan!  Here I am again.  Being forced to let go of control.

What are you struggling with?   How can we help each other?    Susan

I think right now my biggest struggle is with trust/friendships. You think you know your friends and the people that are involved in your daily lives. Yet once again I have been disappointed. I have a friend, whom I thought to be like a sister to me. Of course now looking at it in the last few months, I see this friendship is very one sided. Well just last week my oldest daughter sadly had a miscarriage. Of course as well as being worried sick for my daughter I was so very sad over this loss. I guess I was just shocked that when I told this friend what happened, I expected that maybe she would say "oh would you like me to come sit with you" or some sort of reply like that. Well she did say sorry to hear that , but was not really interested in listening or dealing with my problems. 
I know I am a good friend and I give my all into a friendship. I just wished people would understand a friendship is very much like a marriage. A two way street , there to support each other not just when the other person feels like they need you there. I tried to speak to her about my concerns again it was nothing she cared to listen to at the time. I have decided I would just bak away at this time, allow her to resolve whatever it is she may be going through. But after 16 yrs of a friendship it is so diffiicult not to feel hurt, disappointed, and angry.
I`m not sure at this time what the lesson , reason for things in my life falling apart, but 
i sure hope it changes soon. 

 

Kim  - I am so sorry for your loss.   I too am feeling disappointment with someone new to my life and wondering why people behave the way they do.    I do know that people who do not act in a loving way and suffering at some level themselves.   When you don't feel compassion and concern for people who are important to you it is an indication of a problem.   I'm learning to accept that people do the best that they can but I seem to often be willing to improve on my best.....or at least express regret when I've not lived up to it.    I hope the holidays bring you together with your family and you can grow closer as you grieve this loss.    THank you for responding.   Susan

I'm struggling with self esteem.  I am in counseling working on this.  I need to be assertive with those who are continually overstepping their boundaries with me.  And of course the hurt and the feeling of worthlessness that you get from being dumped by your spouse doesn't help that whole situation either.  I know that losing the weight will help with my self-esteem some but the good majority of it will come from between my ears if I keep working on it.  I need to start feeling valuable to start treating myself like I am valuable.  This includes how well I take care of my body.

Hi Susan

I think I'll start a new thread for my struggles - what is happening with your relationship?

can we get an update?

you say there is nothing to be done but looks like you did a lot - you started this group, yes?

could put a lot of ripples in the pond....

I assume you mean with Sky......wish I could have something better to report...but we haven't spoken in over a month......his last contact was an email a few weeks ago acknowledging that he was sure I was having a very difficult time with this, but this is the way he is.....he walked away from his business (his partner is holding down the fort) and went to the desert for a few weeks....he goes back to nature when he faces struggle.....it's the Indian thing to do........and takes no form of communication with him...no laptop...no phone.....and while I respect his traditions and acknowledge the differences in our culture...I've found this situation to be impossible to deal with.   So I started to date again.....I've met several really nice and interesting men...and I"m just trying to take things slow....no more long-distance relationships with me.    Anybody who has ever had one warned me how difficult it would be....but I somehow thought I would be different.    When I think back to the many New Year's Eves with my husband...where we barely acknowledged each other or struggled to get through a romantic dinner.....it's nice to have a wonderful dinner with a terrific guy to look forward to.   Unfortunately he's a bit of a foodie.....loves to cook etc....so we'll see how he deals with the limits of my lifestyle......but he's very health conscious and I think we'll figure it out.    

Always moving forward......no matter what.....I'm grateful for health.....and loving friends.    Happy New Year to you.....and those you love.   Susan

wow, you have moved on quickly - no dust on you.  brave!

congratulations on the moving forward no matter what - it's inspirational.

Happy New Year back! 
Jackie