Choice

I have learned in the very challenging two years since my WLS that life is fundamentally about choice.   I don't think I understood this before WLS.   I felt powerless over my compulisve eating problems and the way I dealt with issues in my marriage.  I was forced to make decisions and take action in the last year or so that required two things - 1. Clarity,  2. A plan.     Clarity was the harder part for me - making a decision about what I needed to do was an enormous struggle - but once the answer was clear - the worst of it was over for me.   Once you have clarity - it's a matter of figuring out how to proceed.   I find the hardest thiings to face become easier once clarity is found.   I'd like our first discussion to revolve around one thing we are struggling with - and it can vary as widely as we ourselves do.  It might be related to your weight loss process, it might be related to a relationship, or a job, or something else entirely.   Let's explore those issues and help each other find that clarity.  I welcome your thoughts.

Susan ,I need Clarity in my life too. god  I just don't know what way to go ..Red .

Susan,
I have been thinking about this very thing lately. I am at 6 months post surgery and reflecting on what it is I have learned about myself.  What has changed in me that I now feel like a person who is in control of my own life. Clarity has been a huge part  but with clarity came something else- accountability! That for me was the hardest thing to face. My role in this whole mess I created (meaning the abuse of my body****il I began to hold myself accountable, I was powerless to do anything about it. With that realization came the clarity of knowing that yes, I played a huge part in the abuse of my body but I also realized I had the power to change it. That like most things in life it all comes down to choices. From there I was able to formulate a plan and then work that plan...sometimes better than other times.  Doing it perfectly imperfect!
You ask that we contribute one thing we are struggling with. For me that would be the voice inside my head that surfaces from time to time to tell me "don't get too ****y, you have always failed before."  I fight that by reminding myself daily that I'm not the same person I was a year ago (when I started this journey) and the realization that I can make the right choices. That I am not powerless. That I am indeed a woman warrior.
So glad that you started this group. Thank you!!

-Angela

Good Morning  Everyone,

I`m finding that I have been suffering more depression lately, granted there is alot going on in my life but usually I could control my feelings and not let lifes issues get me down as it is now. I am 6 mnths out of RNY, and not sure if this is playing a part on my emotions now. Don`t get me wrong I am happy I have had the surgery, learned alot in 6mnths. I just feel with this change I should be happy and greatful, which I am....but I also do feel depressed. Being the strong person most of my life I am struggling with these feelings. It is also effecting me in the way of eating properly, I never feel hungry. I eat only because I know I need to and I make sure I eat protein first before anything eles.

It seems when one thing goes wrong everything falls apart all at once.

Tomorrow is a new day everythign has a way of working itself out.

Kim - I think I too believed that if only I could loose weight - and regain my health - that everything else would fall into place....and that has not at all been my experience.  My life in the going on three years since surgery has had more ups and downs than at any other point.  I've had the hardest losses mixed with the most amazing blessings.  RIght now I'm struggling with a relationship that was new and exciting and provided me with the attention and passion I was so craving - and it's in a crisis.   I"m heartsick....and scared.   The last thing I feel like is a warrior!   This man was the warrior in a very real sense who entered my life and saw my strength and drive....and now that he's retreated - my sense of strength and drive has shifted.  I'm not overeating - like you I'm undereating...and the only thing I can say I'm doing well is my exercise.  I continue to train no matter how little sleep I've had  - and it's been spotty- or how sad I feel.    I go back to the thing I am most grateful for.  My health.  No matter what else is going on - my health is so wholly different from what it was 3 years ago - when nothing seemed possible - that I know with time I will find a new path.  It's easy to be a warrior when all things are in place.     The meaning of the concept is to find strength and courage when you are frightened.   I'm am so solidly residing in fear right now it's gripping me.   Life is a ever-changing...and rich with lessons.  I"m trying to focus on the lessons in this experience because the only thing I am certain of is that there are things to be learned here.  You are right - tomorrow is a new day and our lives emerge in every surprising ways.   Thank you for posting.   Susan

It seems when one thing goes wrong everything falls apart all at once.

Oh, boy, is that true. it's feast or famine, seems like.

you are early enough post-op that you need to expect to have roller coaster mood swings for awhile. I mean, aside from any mood issues you normally have or that may come up due to age, for example.

I've heard it said the second year post surgery is harder than the first - the thrill of it is wearing off and you still have all these problems to deal with!  the good news is, you get to deal with them at a smaller size and that is very, very nice.

how is your depression now?  is it new for you or have you always had it?

depression is a tough thing to keep track of, things tend to slide downhill so slowly you don't notice it until suddenly - seems like - you can be in a very deep hole.

Susan - I know it's been a while since you posted this but since you mentioned this man in another post today I assume you're still dealing with this.  I don't know if you're a spiritual person or not, but I truly believe that for Spirit to fill our hands with the perfect person or situation that we first have to open them and let whatever may not be working go.  It's the hardest thing anyone will ever have to do.  My advice to you (for you to take or leave by all means) is to send him love, wish him well and then release him from obligations to you.  Who knows.  Maybe he just needs to know he has the freedom and will come running back or if he floats away it's for the best.  People from your past who do not make it to your future don't do so for a reason.   From one broken-hearted girl to another, I send you my full love and support and my confidence that just the right person will show up in your life, but not a minute before the cir****tances are just right.

For me - My "Bridge Out' if you will is how to get to the life I always dreamed of.  The money, the house, the traveling that I'd like to do, but all in the context of having all of that through a calling in life that I'm really passionate about.  To that end, I have NO IDEA what I should be doing.  It's not a matter of not having the courage to do what needs doing to get me on the path for this - It's not knowing if there's a path out there for me at all.  I like what I'm doing well enough but there's nothing that I'd REALLY love to do or dream of doing.  Other than winning the lottery and just traveling around naturally.  I feel blessed to have a job at all, and to have a job working for people who treat me well is stellar.  But to be passionate about doing something 40 hours a week would be extremely exciting for me.  Maybe it's just non-existent as of yet.  Who knows.  

clarity!  it seems to be a moving target, either that or the clarity I sometimes think I've found is a fake one - like that warm glowing optimism that means you are starting to feel the wine.

as to the How To Proceed - I am forever making lists of plans and then never acting on them.

I struggle with a lot of issues but one that keep resurfacing is my underearning  - no matter what else happens in my life, the moment I have enough income I sobotage it, and any extra savings then gets eaten up in daily living. this is so self destructive! I am 48 and, once again, almost broke.

once I wrote on a legal pad in giant letters

you can't THINK your way out of this you have to ACT.

I love your statement about fake clarity.....the warm glowing optimism that means you are starting to feel the wine......perfect way to capture the struggle.

I have issue with money as well.....I've not worked full time in some time....and while I"ve pieced together enough to keep going I've been job searching for months now and things aren't looking very promising.  My issue is that I don't live with that reality......and should be far more careful than I am these days.   I'm looking at January as a time to refocus on that very issue.  For the 2nd year in a row I'm not focused on loosing weight - maintaining weight......maintenance is a daily focus.....but I feel like I have the alchemy to keep that in check.  I need to get the rest of my life into balance to avoid upsetting this careful equilibrium.    Interesting insights.  Thanks for raising them!   Susan