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It's now Thursday 5:30am. My Mom has passed. On my way back to their house. She is finally at peace. I will check in again when I CAN.

That's weird about the watch. A lot of the devices use arm swings to count steps. Is it possible that you were swinging that arm the whole time the first day, but not the entire time today?

I need a landscaper who brings soup. Lucky you!

It's been a long day. I left my mother at 8pm and I won't be surprised if she passes tonight or tomorrow. I started off towards one town to get my hair cut. While en route my niece texted her son was sick and she needed to take him to urgent care, but she could fit me in later this afternoon. I told her not to worry about it, and we went to my parent's house. On the way DB texted that his wife fell on ice and dislocated her shoulder. She pushed it back in herself by leaning against her car, got in, started driving to the ER to get it checked without telling anyone in the house. When we arrived it became clear to me that my Mom was in a steep decline. She was struggling to speak at all. Around 11am, I fed her a 2 spoonfuls of mashed potatoes I brought her. The was the last thing she ate, and the last words I heard.

The rest of the afternoon she was in a sleep haze from the morphine, and hopefully not feeling intense pain. Hospice people left, and I administered the morphine while doing the afternoon shift. My brother and I talked about the conflict you feel: that in order to alleviate her pain, you have to give so much pain killer that you might be hastening her death. We agreed using the morphine as directed by the Hospice staff is what we needed to do. My Dad was okay with it too.

I called my cousin and asked her if she could bring my Uncle, my Mom's older brother. She called for him in her sleep the previous night. Bless my cousin, she left work immediately and drove 3 hours. It was heartbreaking to see my 85 year old Uncle sitting by her bedside, holding her hand, weeping and telling her he would follow her later and they would be together again. It really is remarkable that this group of 4 siblings have made it into their 80s without losing anyone yet.

I talked with my kids, and some other cousins to give them a heads up that my Mom will pass in the next few days. My Dad's sister had 2 boys and our families were very, very close. (I'm named after her) My two cousins were estranged. I asked one if he could call the other to tell him about my Mom. Later my cousin called me back and said, your Mom told me many times the best present I could give her was to reunite with my brother. Tell her brother and Icried together and we are going ice fishing next week. Something so beautiful on a sad day.

My Dad is sad, and cried when he saw me, but is also resolute and matter of fact. He said several time We had a good run, and there is nothing more that can be done. He will grieve, but he has been preparing for awhile.

Our trip to Brazil will be postponed a week or two, but we will go eventually. My Dad said, just leave on Monday, there's nothing you can do here now. We will not do that. He may think he does not need me at the funeral, but he is wrong, and certainly other family will. And I need to be there too.

So that's where we are at tonight. I thought about staying the night, but I didn't have any of my things, and my DB and SIL are there. I wanted to come home. I will go back tomorrow, again with DH.

Thank you all so much for the kind words, and thoughts, and prayers. You all put the SUPPORT in support group.

Just woke up from another two hour nap. You can't say I'm not getting enough sleep. I had to meet briefly with my landscaper about something for the neighborhood and he brought me 3 quarts of chicken and stars soup from Whole Foods! Such a nice guy!!