Monday, August 20, 2018

Boy, wouldn't that be great!

Good Morning! I love the intentions topic. This weekend, my intentions were not clear. It's strange how my intentions and expectations of people can be very clear. The intentions I have for myself about food can waver and change in a moments notice. I have work to do.

i love love love the RV. Our plans for retirement are to travel in an RV. My inlaws have travelled that way even when my husband was a child.

Im going into school today to work in the library. We enroll students Saturday and stay school on Monday.

My intentions today will be to plan and track my food.

Happy Monday!

Well a new high weight, 170. Not exactly the direction I wanted to go.

I am simultaneously confused and knowing. I don't *feel* as though I'm eating that much! I'm definitely not doing as much damage as I could. Sure, there's hormones of this time of month. And I went out drinking Saturday. But Wednesday I was 165 and today I'm 170. Panic mode.

I'm confused because I'm still eating half often. Not as religiously as I used to. But much more than "normal" people.

But then I track my calories and it makes sense...what I thought was 1400 might be 1800. (Still don't understand 170 on the scale). And then I freak out because I can put away 1800 calories and not even notice myself doing it! How can I eat those volumes of food or make such poor choices. The fact that I am so clueless that I'm doing it TERRIFIES me. It's become so normal that it's...normal.

And yet I still want to sit here and tell you of all the things I'm doing right...except it's not doing what I want on the scale...so if that is a number I value, I'm going to have to change something.

Starting over again today.

In other news...

Becca spent the night away from us for the first time on Saturday night. I had prepared my friend for the fact that she would wake up at 4ish am to eat. Except she didn't, and she slept until 7am! Ate a bottle, and then back down for 2 hrs. I was so excited thinking maybe we'd turned over a new leaf...and she was up at 2:30am this morning for me :( Still glad she was so good for my friends.

Yesterday morning we took my lab to get a bath at the pet store. She's been blowing her coat like crazy and so we wanted to get her deshedding bath. She can sometimes be a bit anti social, so when she stopped walking toward the store, I thought she was just being ornery so I turned back to my husband with her and saw her lying on the ground and foaming at the mouth. DH thought she was choking. Miraculously, at that moment a car pulled up and a man said "I'm a vet and was having my pool water tested down the street and saw this happen. Your dog is having a seizure." He helped her get through it. And obviously we cancelled the bath and took her home. But it was very scary. Well now this morning I couldn't get her to come out from underneath our bed. Not even for food. And she's a big girl at 120lbs. I didn't want to scare or harm her more by pulling her out. Maybe she's just still tired. She looked okay, just didn't want out from safe spot under bed.

Wow! Your doggy has a seizure, and a vet pulls up immediately to care for her! Girl, you should go buy a lottery ticket. That's something that happens only in a Julia Roberts rom-com.

Greetings Monday Miracles

148.5 today. I managed to not self destruct at the scrabble party. I took chips and hummus but didn't really like the brand I chose so I decided to toss the leftovers. Skipped the chocolate cake. And I was really on my game being undefeated for the day. Played some bingo words like "revisor", "elitist", "stainer" and such. No one is cutthroat about the challenge rules and everyone learns new words. A nice group. The previous official scrabble club disbanded due to the negative attitude of one person. Everyone quit because they couldn't stand her.

Hey Ann, what a great set of living goals. Me too. You always have such a cool perspective. We are lucky to be in the first world where life is indeed what you make it.

Yo Ho, Justice the sea dog. Did I see a little life jacket on him? Whew Liz, don't know how you keep up with all the entertaining and activities. Watched a Sunday Morning show about brain stuff and one excerpt was on early onset Alzheimers and how helpful doing artwork was - like that part of the brain reactivated when other parts were declining. One woman made it her purpose to paint every day when she was not able to do the other things that had been her purpose.

BB, scary that your dog had a seizure and so good that the vet stopped. Years ago I had a dog that had a couple of seizures. Then they went away. It was shortly after that when it was discovered that dog treats from China had icky stuff in them, and I had a friend who was always bringing her that stuff. Now I only get pet food from this one store that investigates their products and only offers safe ones.

Yay Miss150 on the ceramics class. Thats what I do all day. Its so fun. Our studio is full of retired people who always wanted to do more ceramics and are coming back to it later in life. Its so much fun everyone is happy. And our kiln opens today.

Well, off to sort out computer issues for the gallery. But not without a second cup of coffee. Diane S

Diane, a big amen from my corner re: "We are lucky to be in the first world where life is indeed what you make it."

Speaking of lotteries, we already won the lottery by being born at this time in this country to parents who screwed us up only a little. ;)

137.6? something like that. 4:30 am is too early to remember what comes after the .

Date 4 last night went well. Nice walk in the park, nice dinner at a restaurant that had an outside patio on the river and then another nice little walk after dinner on a path that ran along side the river. Date 5 is tomorrow and we were going to go kayaking but rain is in the forecast so something inside will be planned.

Work is going well. 2 of the 3 kids are doing well. Puppies are doing well. Life is pretty good!

Paula, you're living life! That's what we're supposed to do while we're here on this earth -- LIVE!

I'm glad you're having such a good time.

First Monday back. Reality bites! LOL! 6:00 am was far too early. I realized this afternoon that the difficulty of summers off is that one has to reacclimate to a different and stressful routine all over every year. Upon complimenting her on how relaxed and well she looked, one of my teacher peeps replied, "Give me two weeks, I'll look normally haggard again!" Sad, but true. It's not an easy job, even though our "hours" are quite minimal (according to John Q Public).

So, my intention today was to take 5 minutes at lunch, turn off the lights, close the door, set my phone for 5 minutes and meditate. I fulfilled my intention. I am pleased with myself for following through. I believe my meditation helped center and relax me, just a tad. My intention is to do the same tomorrow. I would like to build lunch time meditation into my school routine. I think it might be beneficial.

Part of our school day was having ID security badges made. Photos taken, cards made while we waited... that type of thing. On a dare I did a most hideous face just for plain old fun. They photographer was great and took the photo and then took another photo of the normal, smiling Mr. Allen. The school photographer people must have gotten a chuckle from my non teacher sense of humor because they happily printed both cards for me. So I have two!I plan to use them both - the ridiculous expression one to use with the kids as a "Don't make me go here!" fun warning when the boundaries are being pushed! The kids will get a big kick out of it. Being the "mean teacher" is often part of my schtick! It works very well.

But, the point of the picture taking was that I had a gut wrenching, OMF'ingG moment when I saw my picture. I was on edge for at least two hours afterward. I wanted to crawl in a whole and eating danish and doughnuts and drink milk. So logical, right? Oh, for F's sake!

Shrink session today was good. One nice thing is the she pointed out how many positives I had pointed out and wasn't it sort of sad how one not so pleasant thing could wash away the many, many good things I have done/am doing. Good point.

Another peek into JFDI: I thought about it another way, which was this: The self activation of change. To JFDI, one must actually take responsibility for activating change. How does one activate change? We an activate a light by flipping a switch. But we cannot activate the living, breathing creatures upon our planet in the same way. We do not have switches to flip. Activating change can actually be many, many small changes that build over time, or can be one huge, monumental change that occurs all at once. guess, I'm taking the slow and less direct route of creating some changes as they come. However, I do feel the need to activate change.

Devon, it makes me happy to hear that you are meditating. (((hugs)))