Tuesday October 17

Maybe???? Did you say you watch one on Netflix?

there is usually one on Netflix but that is pretty vague. My daughter pulled it up so I didn't see where. I'll keep my eyes open for one.

Yeah, once I start with the sweet/bready stuff I find it hard to stop.

Hi guys!

There is a big storm blowing in. Yesterday, "the big dark" stretched from China to our coast. Just a run of the mill, maybe lose your lights, big storm, tho. Don't think I need to go out and buy Hunter rain boots in green with cream polka dot inserts. That reminds me, tomorrow is legit hiking boot purchase at REI! Usually I hide my trips to REI and stash my goods in the car til safe to bring into the house. I am not a hoarder, just fyi. Really.

My appt with plastics: My lymphedema is too bad for one procedure and not bad enough for another. I am fine with not being a surgical candidate because both procedures are "just past" experimental. Nope, not for me.

Willie the plastic surgeon was a puppy but nice enough. His business card says William, by the way. He said I would be "perfect" for a breast reconstruction even tho at no time did I ever say I was remotely interested in reconstruction. He was a breast reconstruction pusher. Eventually, I politely listened to his pitch tho I am not sure why. Does No ever mean No? In his past life he must have been the car dealer warranty salesman.

No breasts for me, however, he will tidy up the dog ears that remain on either side of my mastectomies. And, there is an old seroma, that he will clear out. Those two can be done together at an outpatient procedure and I would be off work for a week, if that. The dog ear thing is just skin tailoring, no anchoring into muscle or anything like that. He better not wreck my range of motion. All is clearly medical and covered by insurance.

One thing about body fat.....he was talking about transferring fat from one area to another to make a boob. Inwardly, I was insulted. But, once naked (and we just met!) he immediately switched to talking about silicon inserts. Also, when I commented that not only do I have radiated skin, I have weird weight loss skin he said "that doesn't matter." Oh Willie, so much to learn.

Invite kindness.

Shel

Shel-I love all your hiking travels. We spent our weekend in Boulder with friends who are avid hikers/campers/skiers/cyclists, etc. I like to imagine myself doing all that, and then I remember I'm really just an asthmatic who likes to sit on the couch. Lol so not totally true, but I guess my point is I have a big problem with wanting to "run the marathon before I can walk a mile" if you get my meaning. Maybe taking the dogs, and later baby, for nightly (or weekly!) walks through the neighborhood is a good start? How did you get into your athleticism?

As you know, I can empathize with you on PS. And especially after all you've been through! It irritates me to no end that these doctors ASSUME we want our bodies to be a certain way. And it's not really a question, or a matter of opinion in their eyes. It's a "do you want me to make you look good" as in you have this one option I'm presenting. I have a LOT of anxiety surrounding my implants. Many, in fact the vast majority, are satisfied. The problem is if you aren't. You aren't alone. Personally, I don't think breasts, or breast size makes you more feminine or not. Phooey. So I won't keep going so I don't sound like a broken record. Other than to say: keep doing you. Be your own version of awesome and beauty. That's the ONLY opinion that counts.

I like feeling strong/able so that is what keeps me doing something. I get bored over time with any activity so I either I have to switch activities or have some sort of goal that I am working toward.

There is hike called the Enchantments that I would love to do. It is considered strenuous but if it was just me and my boots I am probably close-ish to being in good enough shape to do it. But, it is very long so daily endurance is required and people usually backpack --- I don't have THAT kind of strength/endurance to carry weight over strenuous terrain multiple days in a row. If I did it, it would be next Sept so I have time to gradually improve.

So, that is what gets me to my lousy early morning gym workouts. Well, that and my dear neighbor who now wants to do the Enchanments, too because she LOVES a challenge. She says things like "you gotta be a little crazy in your training for things like that!" I honestly have no context for what she is talking about but am willing to try.

I wanted to tell Willie about you. But I didn't. Totally agree with peeps doing what is best for them, no matter what it is. Willie's enthusiasm was more like a little kid who wants to show you his summersault. "This is what I do. I am really REALLY good at it! Wanna see????" I told him I like being able to wear boobs when I want and take them off when I want. I could tell his female nurse could see the utility of that. Willie literally said "I just might change your mind!" with a sparkle in his eye.

Oh, Willie!

Willie, Willie, Willie!!!

Travel day to the city today. 3 appointments today for DW. None for me, just a driver. 5-6 hrs on the road. Brought my iPad with anticipation of waiting. Eating has almost been on target. Some ice cream flew into my cart and I ate most of it in 2 days. It was good. It is gone. Wt remains unchanged. More later, David

Weight: 166.2. Keep teetering around 166.

I feel like my restriction has been really good during meals, just not in-between (very snacky!). I made lemony chicken saltimbocca (a cooking light recipe I HIGHLY recommend) and roasted root veggies for dinner.

I really have to give those of you taking care of spouses, kids, aging parents, etc. I go to my grandmother's for breakfast each weekday morning, mostly to make sure everything is okay, she takes her pills, and bonus is we both get fed. Even though my parents take care of most of the financial tasks, etc., some falls to me just because of my presence there. I find it to be very testing. It's hard not to raise my voice or be stern or threaten when it just seems like she's *not trying*. If she's turned her tv on mute on accident, I try to show her why it happened and how to fix it...and she stares there blankly at me. And I know she's thinking "what do I care, Bonnie will just come fix it again later if I need her to." I'm definitely most frustrated that I get frustrated at her. I know she can't help it. I know it must be scary--for so many reasons! And I know the last thing she needs is contempt from her FAMILY. So God please grant me the serenity to deal with her with compassion and make her last few years comfortable. And bonus, I don't want to feel bad about something I've said. I do far too much for her to have some words said out of frustration stay on my conscience forever.

DSS seemed to be in a better mood last night. He doesn't know we know. I really think he suffers from anxiety/depression, and we have offered numerous times to get him in to talk to someone/maybe medication. But he refuses (almost angrily). Can lead a horse to water, eh? Ultimately it's his dad's call to make about what to do--right or wrong. So for now maybe I'll attempt the "kill em with kindness" approach. (Although this is VERY hard in practice when everything nice we do gets turned around on us. Ex: When he moved back, unexpectedly, we had our extra bedding on that bed, just for keeping. It's floral, and it's my favorite set that I switch on and off with my other bedding. Now that he's been here for nearly 4 months I decided we should get him his own bedding. That gets turned into him griping to his mom that his dad and stepmom think he's some dirty homeless person who can't touch their bedding!!!)

So I guess today's mantra for me is maybe a reminder of the golden rule, huh?

Greetings Maintenance Marvels

I actually knew a girl in jr. high whose name was "Marvel". Her last name was some long greek name.

Lordy Lordy I weigh one forty! Can't stand that. I swore I would never be fat again but I am feeling fat. Gotta get away from junk. Its not so much sweets but crackers and snacks that get me. I had a lot of fit bit steps this past week but nothing like Carbon (yoo hoo). Having been through the clutter nightmare of the universe I am resolved to get rid of my own and maybe that will help. Paula, you and I have to get on this. Hope Ben is doing well.

Good for you Liz on standing up to the dolt at work. Its amazing how men still think they can get away with this stuff and they still do.

Shel, sorry the lymphodema surgery isn't going to work out. I was hoping Willie would have relief for you. I think plastic surgeons always have to do sell jobs - the one who helps me with my hands does a little of that. He is also a hand surgeon. Now that I am free from unexpected trips to the midwest, I can go get him to fix some things on my hands though DH has cataract surgery November 14.

BB take time to remember the good stuff about your grandmother. I was able to get through the mixed bag of feelings on my mom's friend Pat by telling a story of some very kind things she did as a younger person at her memorial. Helps ward off all the bad crabby stuff she said to me. (doesn't hurt that I may be a beneficiary of part of her retirement account).

Yes, lets designate November as National ME Month where we do something for ourselves each day that is not about eating (except healthy)

Dave, iPad is my constant companion when traveling. Only so much to do in four hours in airport except eat and drink and we try not to go there.

Love the Burberry coat story. Big score indeed. Clothes are the friend of the wls success story. (Did I mention my mom's full length mink coat in mint condition that fits me?)

Well its so good to be home and back with friends both in person and on line. I dreamed of my art studio last night and have to head down there today. But first, more of the nectar of the gods....... Diane S