Thursday, April 27, 2017

Hey guys

Not great sleep for me last night. Restless. And then I have to start packing, but a busy day at work tomorrow. Leave for Hawaii early Saturday...so pack tonight? Gym tonight? Everything else? Yikes

official Dr.'s visit today. Officially scale was down 160.2 to 154.5 in 5 weeks (-5.7lbs.) and a total scale loss of 11lbs. in 9 weeks. But inbody report shows down 6.5lbs. down in fat in 5 weeks and gained 1/2lb. muscle. Over 9 weeks, muscle has stayed about the same, but bodyfat has gone down 5%! So all in all a good visit.

Weight not a lot down in the past week...if at all. That was a clothed, post-coffee, ec. weigh-in so might be slightly higher than home.

Weight down .6 - See, up down, up down. Eating was fairly good yesterday. A little planned of plan eating, but it was limited, and as I said, planned.

Excellent workout with my trainer. We progressed on last Friday's workout, upping weight and pushing a few more reps on the perfect push ups. I was truly tired afterward. Felt great!

Um, so what happened to this thing I heard about Vyvanse maybe needing to build up in the system? Not so much... HOLY VYVANSE!

I have some mild effects of the stimulant: a little more mental energy and focus and drive. Also, I understand that while Vyvanse is not a weight loss drug, being a stimulant might affect appetite. I was counseled about the possibility of a queasy stomach, but my Sleeve of Steel is not one bit ill at ease. However, I have absolutely no interest in food. None! I had a protein shake immediately after taking the Vyvanse this morning. I skipped my morning snack because I wasn't hungry. I went to lunch, heated up my chicken sandwich, chatted with people, drank some water, took my calcium and fish oil and finally took a few bites of my chicken (no bread). I didn't enjoy or want the food, SO I PUT IT AWAY!

My norm is to eat out of habit - hungry or not. If it's lunch time, it's time to eat. School's out - time to have a snack. That type of thing. I also eat just to eat. Eating is a mechanism to avoid tasks, alleviate boredom, used as a transitionary tool, soothe emotions, etc... You all know I'm the poster child for emotional eating.

I also have a physiological/psychological reaction to eating. It's the BED part of my eating disorder. When I begin to eat I am compelled to eat until finished. It's like a switch is flicked on at the very first bite. If it's a high value trigger food (cookie) getting the switch to turn off can be an epic battle. It's a very difficult feeling to describe. It feels like I NEED more of the taste and texture in my mouth. If I withhold the taste it starts an internal battle and internal dialogue and negotiation begins. The negotiation is usually rapid and quite instantaneous. Being physically satisfied is usually not enough to stop the drive to eat or the need for a taste transition to sweet at the end of a meal. VSG has helped immensely in controlling my intake, but as I've gotten farther out from surgery and as capacity increased, so have my symptoms of BED. (I know, not new news!)

So imagine my extraordinary surprise when eating a bite of my nicely prepared chicken with melted cheese and pesto caused none of the reaction above. I felt no compulsion to eat. I'm feeling very confused. This feeling is so not my norm it is unsettling. Don't get me wrong, I like it, but at the same time I'm so taken by the difference I am absolutely off kilter. I did not know how to deal with my reaction to the food. When I realized I didn't NEED to eat what was in front of me, I wanted to cry for a moment. The feeling was fleeting and passed quickly and I remained composed, but damn, this is different.

Is this how people feel about food and eating who do not have compulsive eating issues? I am sure that as I continue the effect of the Vyvanse will lessen and I will grow accustomed to it. However, I have read that if Vyvanse works on BED it's fairly immediate. Like Gwen and Karen, I think I am in this category.

Better living through chemistry? F&*K YES!

So, so happy that you're having this early reaction to the drug. And your incredibly vivid descriptions of your food / eating experiences are just bloody fascinating. You're inspiring me to go to that level of observation myself.

If you want you can *****slap me for saying this, but your BED observations are very useful to me. (I hope you know how I mean that.)

Thank you! No ***** slap coming from me!!! Your words brightened my already wonderful day.

I write about my issues with food not only to help make sense of my inner workings for myself, but also, I hope that perhaps someone might identify with my issues or journey and feel less alone and get that feeling of, "Hey, if that man thinks there is hope for him, there must be hope for me, too." I think holding on to hope in this battle of obesity is the strongest weapon someone in the throes of his disorder can have.

Greetings Faithful ones

Well I got some flowers planted and thought that deserved a press release.

Our neighbors are pretty barking tolerant. The Older two don't bark much but Tesla is kind of yappy. She was good at the motel though.

Kairk, glad the V drug is working. The emotional reaction to not liking food so much anymore is interesting. I used to have a fat friend and he and I used to talk about if we could take a pill that would make us hate chocolate forever, would we take it? Answer was no. Still is. I look forward to what you learn about this drug and how it shapes your attitudes. For the first couple of years after vsg I really had no interest in any food and just ate what I needed to. Today I had pizza for lunch and loved it.

Anyway I am glad it works fast and hope it helps you long term. diane s

I remember that feeling with Vyvanse. I need to go back on it and will have to switch doctors in order to do so.