Thoughts on "the easy way"

 I hear this come up countless times on the VSG board--people worried about wls being "the easy way out" or that others will call them out on it.  

Quite honestly, so far, this has been fairly easy.  Not in the sense of paying outta pocket (ouch!), or incision pain, or dealing with my grandfather's death and not being able to eat 4 days after surgery, or that steep learning curve weeks 4-12 learning what I could and couldn't eat.  But outside of that, the scale almost painlessly has crept down each week.  Sure, not as much as some, but I've lost 100lbs., fairly easily, with help, and I'm still proud of it.

I think the hardest part is still ahead of me...but still, the ground I've already covered was always so hard in the past, I never even had a chance to make it to the "hardest" part.

So a couple random thoughts on this:

1.   I was talking to a friend the other day who has gained 5lbs. (she's not very tall and so was bummed about this).  She commented on how hard it was to not gain, and particularly to lose.  For a moment I felt kind of guilty.  This person is doing it the "honest" way and struggling.  However I don't think it's fair to compare our struggles.  I was MORBIDLY OBESE.  And it was an impossible struggle for me, no matter how you slice it.  I'm convinced that my only options were to remain MO or have surgery.  Period.  Finito.  And I think anyone in their right mind would've made the same decision.  Results matter, and no matter how long and hard I struggled, I can tell you I never got brownie points.  No one patted me on the back and said "good struggle there, Bonnie."  I never walked into a store and found clothes that fit because I struggled.  And on and on.

2.  Sometimes it's easy for me to forget just how *impossible* a struggle it was.  I think "heck, I'm losing now, maybe I didn't need surgery."  But every once in awhile there is a day, a glimpse, where I remember how frustrating, disappointing, humbling that struggle was.  I felt like a failure.  It is implied that struggling about with weightloss the "organic" way should make you feel better.  But it didn't.  It only made me feel worse.

3.  Is it so wrong to take help where needed?  Clearly I don't think so.  For one thing, I am not convinced that I wasn't totally diffferent from, say, this friend struggling.  Actually, I think almost anyone who felt the intense hunger I did, the restrictions on exercise at 277 that I had, the vicious overweight cycle, my sucky metabolism, would probably be in the same position as we are on here.  

So what have you guys thought?  I don't care so much to explain to others, but there are times when I, myself, wondered if I could've done this without surgery, and if that would've been better.

ETA:  I also have not had this indictment come up.  The closest was my grandmother saying "I am so happy for you, but I sure with you could've done this the normal way."  But because it comes up so often I wondered what the vets thoughts on this was.  And, admittedly, I've asked it of myself more than anything.

I spent from 10 years old until 42 years old doing it myself and only got worse.  I needed to not have that raging hunger, and for some to be enough.

I have been working on the head stuff for YEARS, so I am blessed that maybe? I was ahead of some folks that way because I KNEW the parts of me that were going to trip me up, so I KNEW to prepare for them.  My husband (who was NOT keen on this at ALL) even now says it was the perfect storm, the last piece of the puzzle.

For me, this hasnt *just* been the easy way out, its the only way to STAY out.  And even still, since I am a full disclosure gal when folks ask me how I did this, I tell them that the sleeve and losing the weight fast was REALLY a boost in that it got that part taken care of AND that I can CLEARLY remember how crappy I felt lugging those extra hunnerplus pounds up the same hills that the dogs and I sprint up now.   Having lost the weight fast gave me a perspective that I think the slow loss would not have given me, maybe I might not have remembered how out of breath I was, how my legs hurt and my lungs burned. 

I tell folks that I was initially ashamed to have to admit I NEEDED the help, but not to have GOTTEN it. 

What is best is what can be sustained, in my way of thinking.  I never could sustain it before.  I had the same tools every time, and the same set of demons.  This time, I had the same tools PLUS one and the same demons MINUS one (panicked hunger).

Every day that I maintain, I know that this was the very best thing, because I have jeans that I have had for more than a year and a half THAT I STILL CAN FIT INTO..and

They dont have the thighs rubbed out of them, like all the other jeans I ever had.  *ugg*

And, I think now, I am so thankful that I am willing to do *whatever necessary* to keep my health, track, log, exercise, make structure and rules about food I cant handle all the time, and I am ready to change any of those things to make this relationship work.  Before, the line in the sand never stayed, I always bargained with me, but now?  That line is tattood on me, scarred if you will.  :}

And for that, I am thankful.

I concur. Easy way? - yes, kinda, most of the time. Only way?- definitely yes.

What people fail to realize is that you work hard with the surgery and you also work hard without it - the difference is in the likelihood of significant and sustainable results.

One physician I read, writing about obesity, said two things that have really resonated with me.

1) The qualitative experience of hunger is very different from person to person. Asking a person who feels hunger accutely to ignore a raging hunger is like asking a normal person to refrain from having some water when they are thirsty. Hunger is a primal urge, we will devote all of our energy to making it stop, and it may be that obese people feel / have more of it.

For me this has been true - the reduction of ghrelin with this surgery has made my actual physical hunger a manageable (if occasionally strident and demanding) housecat - rather than a constantly roaring tiger that can not be ignored.

2) Yes, it IS calories in / calories out when it comes to weight loss or weight gain - HOWEVER....

MY calories out may be very different from YOUR calories out - and this isn't just a function of my exercise habits - we have very different metabolisms ... and the fact that many of us are just barely able to MAINTAIN at 1000-1200 calories/day (a level that is considered VERY extreme dieting by many NUTs) is evidence that all bodies are not created equal.

Finally, my surgeon, and many OH members, talk all the time about how the surgery is on the body and not on the brain. We need to change our heads, blah blah blah. I get this and for many people it may be true - here is MY truth:

Guess what? My brain hasn't really changed at all - and I will argue for as long as the sun rises in the east that my obesity was not a HEAD problem. My "disordered" behaviours were not frequent or significant and I did not indulge in unhealthy foods more than my skinny friends, nor was I a binge eater. I was hungry all the time and I ate to satisfy my hunger - which was never satisfied, so I continued to eat. I lived with my Aunt for a couple of years and her perception was that I didn't actually eat all that much. I definitely ate about half of what my husband ate and he is naturally thin. Who knows?

My body has some constellation of hormonal / metabolic conditions that predisposes me to a risk of obesity, and I also live in an "obesigenic" environment that makes it very easy to become obese. Under these conditions I COULD NOT continue to eat like a normal person if I wanted to lose weight.

That is my reality. Yes, it sucks sometimes. Other parts of my reality are fan-freaking-tastic, so I just need to deal with it, try to limit the frequency of my pity-parties, and move on.

This surgery allows me to tolerate, without too much difficulty or strong feelings of deprivation, the significant caloric and diet restrictions that are required by my particular hormonal/metabolic profile.

I am still just over a year out, so time will tell, but I think that I will be able to continue to sustain the changes I have made long-term, and this means that I should be able to keep off most, if not all, of the weight I have lost.

Yeah me - yeah VSG!

I agree this whole process has been fairly easy starting with my very easy surgery and recovery. the worst part was gagging down those protein drinks early on. Big deal. Fortunately my friends and family have been very supportive and no one has accused me of taking the easy way out - at least not to my face.

But I prefer to think of the wls option as the effective way out vs the totally impossible way. Believe me I tried and tried to lose weight traditionally and did but only gained more back. I finally gave up as it seemed to leave me fatter each time and I felt like something chemical and metabolic was going on to make that happen. Surgeon says I was right to quit that stuff.

I feel like for all the years doctors told me to do diet and exercise I was being given the wrong medical advice and I finally got the right advice from a barriatric surgeon though my internist was very supportive of this decision. Yeah, the surgeon makes his bucks from doing surgery so thats his bias but i really feel like after 50 years of dieting that there was no other option. And the downside is pretty small as I see it. Once in awhile I feel sort of sad that I had to go to this extreme to achieve normal weight but people do a lot more extreme things to regain their health and so that puts it in perspective.

If anyone ever has the audacity to tell me I took the easy way out, I will say to them "you would not make such a comment if you had even the vaguest understanding of this process which you obvously don't. Would you like to let me teach you about it or do you prefer ignorance?" 

Diane

I have been LIVING the "easy way" all my life.  I'm never had to pick cotton or fruit that's what stores are for.   This morning I took a shower and used the toilet (inside the house go figure).  Can you believe water comes out the sink now oh and taking a hot bath...could you imagine boiling water for that?  Not to mention I drove to work and barely pushed on the pedal to propel the car forward.  I used a keurig this morning to make my one cup of coffee (no filter, coffee, po****er) thing for me.  I used my cell phone to make calls.  Hell I'm typing on the internet and use email instead of calling or writing.  When I got my bachelors I went through one of those online expedited things.

WLS for ME while it was a HARD decision one I would have never done had the RnY been my only choice has been easy.  I'm not ashamed of how I lost the weight or how I got to work this morning.

Easy, breezy, beautiful...Cover Girl (not sure what that has to do with anything just wanted to write it).

**** to top things off I just used the spell check button instead of "reading" lol!!

Ms Shell

A few weeks back, someone posted that they talk about WLS in this way: it's not the EASY way out, it's the most EFFECTIVE. This really resonated with me and I like to think of the surgery this way.

WLS was a good decision for me. Like Brandilynn said, I finally had to get to a point where I could admit that I needed the help. That took me about 20 years.

WLS is a great tool for me to use to take the weight off and keep it off...I actually rather like that it's just a tool and that it's still me doing the work. It should be me doing the work - I was the one stuffing my face with cheetos, ding dongs, pizza and ice cream, so it shoud be me working to help get this weight off for good. The sleeve is helping to counterbalance my messed up metablolism, genetics, crazy hormones and other things beyond my own control that helped get me 180 pounds overweight.

I've yet to encounter someone I've told about this surgery who's told me I've taken the easy way out. But when I do, I know what I'll tall them - it was the most effective way for me to take off the weight and to keep it off.

the weight loss all the way down to goal and 5 pounds below was easy for me, and so what. maintenance is already harder but that's how it goes.

now I'll say what I always say when this subject comes up:  the statement "you took the easy way out" makes no sense at all unless you realize that underneath it is the assumption that obesity is a sign of some sort of MORAL FAILURE and since you were bad you must now suffer.

which is stupid.

in theory any of us could have done this without surgery but look around you for evidence of how well that goes. statistically, we did the smart thing! 

hurray for us!

What many of you don't know about me is that this is not the first time in my life that I have reached this weight.  I lost down to this weight in my early twenties by sticking with a strict diet and exercise program.  I white knuckled it for five years to keep at this weight and then when the babies came, the weight came back with them.  I then spent the next five or so years trying to lose this weight with diet and exercise.  I was successful every time, that is I always lost weight and could never keep it off.  My close friends referred to me as the incredible shrinking and expanding woman.  This was usually accompanied with the hand gestures for shrinking and expanding.  I really "loved" that description.  Then I went on a total starvation diet, I mean I refused to eat at all.  I read about some crazy fast, cleanse thing that was supposed to reset your body.  Craziness.  But I did it for three months.  I lost all the weight again and kept it off for a while.  Guess what happened then, yup you guessed it, I gained it all back and finally reached my highest weight.  Then I just got depressed and stopped even trying.  I stopped shopping for myself or taking care of me, I was really beaten down by this point.  Surgery was not the easy way out, it was the only way out.  There is not a single friend or relative that knows me that would ever make this comment to me, they have seen me go through too much to every think this. 

I too was the shrinking and expanding woman.  I would half joke that my weight graph looked like an EKG rhythm strip. 

 
Wow...... BB.... are you sure your 23 ????

Let me see.... when I was 23 and MO......I was thinking......Beer......Cars......Motorcycles......Burgers.......Beer......Food...... Ahhh.....a little weed!.......Lynard Skynard........Car Stereo.....Photography.......and unobtainable girls.......

The easy way ????

As you wrote in your thoughts I prefer to think of it "Possible vs. Impossible"

I was at the end......truly facing the fact that I could die any day. I mean at 338lbs. a day, a year, 5-10 years.... pick one....any day was not out of the question nor would it surprise anyone.

I was playing my last card.... I had tried many times for many years.... It took me forty years to realize it was impossible to do it on my own.

Seven years ago I was being prepped for angio surgery cause of chest pains...... A masked prep nurse asked me if I had ever considered WLS........ My answer was "I can do it on my own" Even laying on the operating table in the cardiac ward..... I thought I could do it on my own.......

I had to get to the point where I had to throw my hands in the air and say "Fuck it..... I don't have another diet left in me.....I can't lose 100lbs to save my life (literally)..... My only choice was to turn myself over to science and medicine before my dead body was used for science.

Had surgery and told my surgeon....."What ever you tell me to do......I will make it the law" I had no choice.... I had fired my last bullet.

So......Easy......hmmmm.....

My analogy for me..... Is that WLS made it possible..... was it easier than without WLS......yes Ma'am.......

But I will say..... this past year and a half..... I have tried and immersed myself in this process more than just about anything else I have ever done in my life and I still feel like I'm in kindergarten. I think the good part is that it has become a very interesting "Healthy Hobby" and I have met some great people along the way that share the same challenges.

Nobody has ever said or insinuated to me about anything using the word "Easy"

frisco