OT: I feel like I am going crazy! NO, I know I am going crazy!!

Hi Guys,

I need to vent, dump, talk... whatever you want to call it, I debated whether this is the place to do it... we have such a small group here... and most of you may not be able to relate... But I feel safe here, so here goes...

As some of you may know, as part of my joureny I have decided to come off of Fluoxetine (for bad PMS) to try to see if I could now do it on my own or find something more natural.  I did it correclty and did not come off too quickly, I have been weening off for months and not on anything for just over a month...  Well it has been a real eye opener...  Sometimes I think "What the heck have I done?!" and then I wonder if I should have just stayed on it...

First of all I am acutely aware of my surroundings, and I am not sure I like what I see.  People can say and do things that make me so angry, really angry and screaming mad.  I just lose it, but thank goodness, for the most part, only my sweet hubby is seeing my reaction to them.  I am saying words like 'hate', 'kill', 'stupid', 'scream'... what is wrong with me?!

Secondly I have this abundance of energy, but it is driving me nuts.  I am constantly saying to hubby, 'What else can I do now?', "Can I help with anything', 'I'm bored', "Oh it's only 2:00 pm?!'...  Where the hell have I been for all these years, and where did all this time come from!?  What is wrong with me?!

Thirdly, what do I do now!?  I don't know if I can work my way through this... I honestly feel on the verge of losing control (again, I ran away for a few days last week... sigh).  I am thrilled to be off the pills.  I am thrilled to be 'back' with my brain clear, my energy returned and my emotions working again...  But I am terrified of the overwhelmingly acute awareness of it all...  I am scared I am going to say or do something I will really regret.

People infuriate me.  I can't allow myself to lose it with them or I could affect my friendships, my business realtionships, my life...  I know this, and I honestly don't trust myself to keep it together...  so I have been staying at home, where it is safe and I won't do any permanent damage...

But that is not the best choice, I miss my walks, I used them for my physical AND mental health, and I need and miss them.  But I am afraid to go out and about 'before' I get some sort of semblance of order to my moods.  This is a very very small place, you do anything and everyone knows about it...

I have ordered the Natural Vitamins, Supplements and Program from the Women To Women site, it will be here in 2 weeks, what do I do in the meantime...?   Learn from this and try to grow and train myself to 'behave'?  Or go on something for two weeks, like say St. John's Wort or something natural?  Something that will assist me until I can get on what I want...

I know you guys can't decide what is best for my health, but I'm hoping some of you can relate.  I know there are some nurses out there, that may be willing to offer a few suggestions...  Any advise would be greatly appreciated...

My logical mind is telling me to:
-  get on St. John's Wort to take the edge off until my order comes in
-  go for my walks every single day
-  let hubby deal with clients, friends and business partners unless I am sure I can control myself
-  practice being calm cool and collected, even if I am not feeling it inside... if I think I am going to blow, ask to be excused and get myself away from the situation
-  continue to read and read and read the information, articles and advise from the Women To Women site.
-  Get plenty of rest, exercise and get back on plan.
-  Spend quiet time just for me and medicate, read or take a nap  (too funny, I was just proof reading this and I wrote medicate instead of meditate!!!!  Now is that a freudian slip or what!!)

You know, I knew writing this would help me, I am pleased that putting my thoughts in writing has helped me to come up with a plan, I will implement it tomorrow...

Any adivse is more than welcome, and I thank you all so much for listening...

Cindy

p.s.  Oh and YES I have been eating my fool head off, but have stayed clear of all alcohol, I don't trust myself right now one bit... man I would love to lose myself for a few hours, but it is just not worth it... 

 Hi Cindy, sounds like writing (typing)  things out works well for you, so maybe its something you can impliment this everytime when you feel this way, write down your feelings so your not bottling them up, get a journal or a diary so you can release them.  Even if people infuriate you release it by writing it or typing it then let it go..

or vent here anytime you want, if it helps its worth doing.

hugs

Hi Sweetheart!

Thanks so much, yes typing it out definatley put things into perspective and gave me a plan...

Thanks for being here!

Hugs,

What you are feeling is a natural after effect of coming off medications girlie.  And a huge glimpse to you of why you went on them to begin with, but all that stuff you knew. 

Its early in my mind and my hamster is still running slow, but I wanted to say this because this is the one thing my hamster could say before coffee..

Unless you or your husband is fixed, sjwort and birth control pills do not mix - that is to say, they make the birth control pills ineffective - so unless yall are previously infertile or practicing barrier/other methods of birth control, that is an important thing to know!!.

I think even with the SJW, you are still going to have to do some cognitive behaviora stuff - its just not going to be as effective as the fluoxetine which is not bad!  its just going to put you at dis-ease until  you get your emotional muscles built back up.

Much love to you girlie.  Fish oil is another really good helper and you may (or may not) know that I highly praise Oil of Evening Primrose for the Ugly Mood Swings.  I significantly up my dosage the week before cycle time.

Am thinking of you!  Muwah!

Hi Brandi,

Thanks so much my friend!

Hubby and I are both fixed, no worries there :)  However, I must admit that does not stop us from continually trying to have a baby, we expect to keep trying well into old age :)

I admit I did not go and buy any St. J's W, I feel this has a lot to do with my cycle also, and with each passing day I am doing better.

So as long as the natural stuff comes in before my next cycle I should be good to go.  Wish me luck!

Thanks so much Oh Wise One!

Big hugs,

Hi Cindy.  How about doing some exercises at home...like crunches, push ups, lunges and squats.  Maybe that will burn off some of that pent up energy.  I know these things can't replace your long walks, but they could help a little. 

Feel better, my dear...

Laura

Hi Laura,

Sounds great in principal, but I hate exercising, especially on my own at home.  Wish there was a gym here... no such luck.

I am going to start walking tomorrow (Sunday) no matter how I feel.  I miss it sooooooo much!

Thanks so much honey, big hugs to you my sweet friend,

holy moly, Cindy, what a tough time.  I don't have any advice for you just some cyber hugs.  I hope writing it here did help.

keep up updated how you are doing!  

 

Hi Honey,

Tough is right!!  I felt like I was truly losing it!  AND it would not let up!  I do feel better and better with each passing day, and figure it got out of control because of my cycle, which now seems to be passing... thank goodness!!

Thanks for caring you have no idea how much it means to me to know I have my friends here on OH...

Big hugs and a kiss on the cheek...

Sweet Cindy,
I wish I could wave a magic wand and take all of this away from you.  I really wish I had that power.  I don't know from a medical point of view what the best choice is, but I do know that you are one tough, smart and loving woman.  You will get through this.  Trust your husband to hold your hand through the tough times as much as possible.  I am sending you my prayers, warm wishes and huge hugs.  We are all here for you anytime you need to vent.  Really, feel free, if anyone says anything remotely off putting, we will all jump them.  :)

With much love,
Elina