A Love Affair Gone Wrong

I've spent entirely too much time being frustrated over food.  I'm determining right now to make a permanent change for the better.  I've cancelled my appointment with the surgeon twice, put it off long enough--and all because I know I'll have to give up my "teddy bear", my knife, my fork, my spoon, my plate, my eating out with my husband, my desserts, my comfort-giver, however temporary.  That's the scary part.  The surgery doesn't scare me one bit.  It's the "before" stuff, that first step thing.

Before food, I smoked.  30 years worth of tar & nicotine.  That was 14 years ago.  And when I quit, it was for all time.  But slowly and surely, I sought another avenue to run down, to hide in, to stuff down all my feelings.  And then my thyroid decided to have Mr. Graves come and visit and he decided to make a mess of my metabolism and after all was said and done, he got killed by radiation and I was left with hypothyroidism and unavoidable, unwanted weight gain.  At first I did eat too much, I admit it.  But then I started tracking food and exercise religiously.  Nothing happened.  Then I changed thyroid medicine.  I lost 30 lbs without trying.  Then gradually, with dosage increases, I regained it all, still tracking, still exercising.  I cut my calories down, up'd my exercise. Nothing.  Except physically exhaustion!

Now, I've cut calories again.  I've had trouble with my one knee and had to stop exercising for a while while it healed.  Needless to say, just sitting around brings on the pounds regardless of what you eat or don't eat.

So, I'm getting ready to call the surgeon one more time.  I'm ready to let go, I'm ready to get on with a healthier life.

HI THERE: HOW ARE YOU NOW?  I READ YOUR POST ABOVE AND WAS REALLY GLAD TO KNOW THAT I AM NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS WORLD THAT HAS PROBLEMS WITH FOOD, EXERCISE, MEDICINE ETC ETC.  JOIN THE CLUB... AND I WANT TO SAY THAT I'M DOING MUCH BETTER SINCE HAVING LOST 109 POUNDS FROM MY SURGERY OF SEPT 8, 2008 BUT I NEED TO REALLY GET A GRIP ON REALITY AND CHANGE MY EATING HABITS AND EXERCISE HABITS OR I WON'T LOSE THE REST OF THE WEIGHT OR KEEP THIS WEIGHT OFF FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE - AND THE REALITY CHECK WAS ABOUT 2 HOURS AGO WHEN I STOOD ON THE SCALE AT THE HOSPITAL -I'M GRATEFUL I'VE COME THIS FAR BUT NOW I KNOW WITHOUT A SHADOW OF DOUBT, THAT I CAN CHANGE MY LIFESTYLE, ONE MOMENT AT A TIME - MAKE BETTER DECISIONS AND I CAN BE SUCCESSFUL.  I'M NOT GOING TO SUBVERT MYSELF AND STAY THE SAME WAY ANYMORE, I AM DETERMINED TO BE THIN AND HAPPY - AND SUCCESSFUL FINANCIALLY AND SPIRITUALLY AND PHYSICALLY, AMEN!!!!  HOW IS THAT A POSITIVE ATTITUDE?  MOST OF THE TIME I AM SUBVERTING MYSELF AND FEELING DOWN AND OUT - TODAY I AM GOING TO CHANGE MY ATTITUDES AND MAKE IT - WITH THE HELP OF THE LORD, I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME.  SO, NOW THAT I'VE CONFESSED THIS TO YOU, I HOPE YOU TOO CAN CONFESS A POSITIVE THING FOR YOURSELF - WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER AND BY THE WAY, I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW YOU BETTER - SO IF YOU WANT, YOU CAN CALL ME ON MY CELL: 484-524-2967 AND WE CAN GET MORE ACQUAINTED.  I AM GOING THROUGH A FEW EMOTIONAL STUPID THINGS ABOUT MY HUSBAND LATELY, MAYBE WE CAN RELATE ON THAT NOTE TOO!  :-)  TAKE CARE AND HOPE TO HEAR FROM YA,  SEE YA, GAIL.