Devestated

 Well I went in for my surgery this am. When I woke up, 2 hours after being put under I found out that they did not remove anything except a bunch of scar tissue, and that was removed so they could get to my ovary.
 From what I have been told, I didn't get to speak to the doc so I'm going by what the nurse and BF told me.
 There was massive scare tissue, several hernias and other problems, that at this time it would be too much of a risk to remove my ovary without the help of another surgeon. And also that they will need to open me up completely.
 She took pics, my right ovary is white, all white, and my left, well its a mass of bloody mush basically.
 So I came home today, fully intact except for the holes they made to have a peek. This is very devastating for me, I was hoping they wouldn't have to open me up all the way. But I went in knowing it would probably happen today. But to wake up and hear that one I didn't do so good under anesthesia, and two, I'm too high of a risk..
 I have had my moments since I had RNY where I wonder what I was thinking, why did I do this. I'm saying now, and hopefully nobody gets angry, I think I made a horrible decision having RNY, because my PCOS got worse after surgery, when so many others gets better.. I know I lost all this weight and I am thankful for that every single day, but this, today and in the next few weeks/months the pain I will have to endure just doesn't seem to be worth it to me..
 I am angry, hurt, scared and not even sure yet what I am going to do! Cry, a lot, right now, no it won't make it better but makes me feel good to get it out...
 I am thankful for the surgeon to not put my health/life and body at risk of anything! But I am so devastated that it has gone the way it has...
 I am so sorry for venting! I hope nobody gets offended. I wanted to just update everyone..

I am so sorry to hear about what has happened...  I feel for you...  what a disappointment!  Don't apologize for your feelings... they are what they are...  there was a time when this stupid PCOS put me in a place where I was devastated too... and I can tell you that you will heal.  I know that doesn't sound like much but you will get through this!  What is your next step???

Thank you so much for your response.
 I honestly don't know whats next. I spent some time with me regular doctor today and she is even unsure as to what will happen next. She did say that there will need to be at least 3 surgeons in the room, and they will have to coordinate it to be able to fix me.
 The adhesion's were so bad that my bowel and bladder and tummy and fat and everything is basically caught up in a "web" is how the doc referred to it.  And even tho they remove it, it always comes back.
 As I have lost weight and my skin has started to hang I feel the adhesion's tearing, this is also and issue for the doc, she does not want me to have to suffer anymore.

Oh sweety!! Its ok to vent don't be sorry!!
I'm sorry for the sad news....however remember the doctors remember what there doing! This is very scarey take it one day at a time! Anytime you need to vent or ramble on please feel free to write!! So did they say when you will get to go back in to get the surgery?!
Keep your head high...i'm thanking aboutt  you!!!

Im going to respond to each of you one at a time. Ill be honest, Im pretty doped up so trying to remember what everyone says is hard, lol.
 
 I go back in to schedule it all on March 9th. From what I understand it could be a month or so before all the docs who need to be there can clear their schedule. Plus, I work, and have school and a family so I need to work my schedule around it.
  Thank you so much for understanding, and hope you are doing good too!!

I am so sorry to learn of your situation - and sorry you wish you had to do it all over again and wouldn't do the rny. I however am one of those really annoying people who always has to look for the positive in the situation so I am going to offer it up and hope in some small way it makes you chuckle a bit! =) Keep in mind I had to be completely and totally opened up about 10 years ago - I have a scar that goes from about 2 inches above my belly button all the way down to you know where - so I know what that scar is alllll about! =) So if they have to open you up ask them to give you a nice little tummy tuck at the same time. =) If they have to remove more scar tissue they may just be willing to do it. I checked with my doctor because the adhesion's from my scar are so bad and he told me that when they go in for the adhesion surgery I can get the tummy tuck too. =) It might work!

I am sorry too, I can not imagine going into surgery and coming out finding out you have to do it again!

JC- how do you know you had bad adhesions?  

ALice

I usually try to be really positive! I do. It has been a very hard week. Between this, and getting now two weeks behind in school. And my SO found a mass in his left testicle. So I am having a very hard time being positive...
 
I am going to ask them to take my skin, I was told by my family doc that the adhesion's were bad enough that everything is attached to everything. So in my opinion, if its all involved then take it all, why risk more damage right?
 The incision is going to be bikini, from side to side, I already have one from previous csections and a partial hysterectomy.
 Thanks for the comment, and I really am trying to stay positive! I appreciate the comments, even if I dont seem like it!
 Im feeling a little better today, just worried, and so scared..

I haven't had my surgery yet, but I can only imagine how crummy it must feel to think you made a mistake. Try to be kind to yourself. We can only do our best at the time, with the information we have. PCOS is notorious for getting worse in cycles. It may just have been bad timing. Keep positive..I mean you are a beautiful woman. You have a lovely family! That's more than A LOT of people can say right there.

You  have PCOS... don't let it have you!

Thank you so much! And you are so right!