My Intro-Long!

Hello my UK friends!

 

I decided to finally introduce myself in earnest.  I had weight loss surgery (RNY) November 26, 2006. I have lost over 230 lbs since then and have been maintaining. My highest weight was 383 lbs. It took me over two years to be approved for the surgery. The first time I was denied via insurance because they wanted a “Full year proof of diet failure" from me. Yes-they really wrote the phrase “diet failure". Scary isn’t it?

After going through one more year of dieting and having my doctor track me, all nutrition and mental health classes (these are mandatory if you are using certain insurances)-all medical testing, I was approved.

For many years-doctors had suggested I consider weight loss surgery-but I was hesitant. I knew I was a compulsive overeater and that eating disorders ran in my family. I lost an aunt to anorexia/bulimia. She was as large as my start weight and had starved herself through her 30’s and early 40’s. She finally got medical help for it-but it was too late. She died in her sleep at age 45 because her heart was tired and it just stopped beating.

Given all that I knew about myself and my family-I wanted to be sure I was mentally prepared to really comprehend the seriousness of this surgery. I spent many years in therapy working to get to the bottom of the eating and the pain. I finally arrived at the point where I knew I would follow the plan and always use my tools and supports when needed.

I spent so many years in terrible physical and emotional pain. I became incredibly isolated-as I was deathly afraid of the verbal mocking I had received. I lived in California for a good number of years and I must say there is a HUGE issue with “looks". Maybe you already are aware of that mentality in the US and especially California. It was very painful for me and I was scared and ashamed of myself.

I raised my son-who will be 25 in July (WOW!) on my own. I was sad because I had missed so much due to my physical limitations. I made a decision that I would be there for him for the long haul and never have to say I cannot attend something because of my size. 

You would probably agree to some degree-that we suffer deep emotional pain from our years as morbidly obese, or super morbidly obese in my case. 

I took my surgery to heart and have made sure to follow the steps and plan the best I can. I am not perfect at all-but that is OK. If I fall, I get back up and keep moving forward.  No longer is life an all or nothing affair. Nothing is truly black or white. There is room in the middle. There is room for my humanity.

I married my husband in November 3^rd (last year!) and moved to the UK to be with him in January. Talk about a HUGE change! I was ready to go and make a new start. I have found someone kind and gentle who I can love and who loves me in a way I didn’t know I was worthy of in the past. It has been a huge gift for me. Furthermore-I find Britain to be a very beautiful and positive place to live. The people in the town I live-and many other towns nearby-are authentic, hardworking and a real joy to talk to.  There is a feeling that the folks here really appreciate what they have and value family as well. I think after living in California for so long-I saw too much “surface only" type people. I feel it is an honor to be here and work towards becoming a citizen as well.

I have absolutely suffered some tough days. I must admit. There is a conflict that came for me after getting to a smaller size. I felt confused about my new body and could NOT comprehend the bodily changes I experienced. I stared at my before pictures with those around me saying “That does NOT look like you at all"! I was shocked. I felt I still much looked like that before girl. I also suffered a depression during my move from the US to the UK. I believe it was not only the move, but the changes in my entire life due to weight loss surgery. This is a POWERFUL process and one can’t help but be impacted in amazing ways.

I was disappointed in myself that I wasn’t excited and joyful about my weight loss. I didn’t understand how I could feel depressed and anxious. I felt guilty for feeling that way! I finally decided to go back to a therapist and talk it through. Just another tool-isn’t it? I am finally starting to come out of that dark fog and start to laugh again and really look forward to things. It’s a slow process-but I am indeed moving along.

I also was informed recently the company I worked for in the US wanted me to work for them again. They emailed me quite out of the blue! I told them I could work for them if they would agree to allow me to work from home. They said YES! So-I will be starting to work this week again. When I was first contacted and asked about working I could NOT believe it. My self esteem was so shaken and low-I was baffled as to WHY they would go so out of their way to have me come back-since they had to really go through paperwork and process- to have me be directed by a UK contracting agency. I think it may have been the look on my husband’s face when I told him I wasn’t sure why they contacted me-that I knew I had a problem-a real problem of self acceptance and worth. He had tears in his eyes when he told me “How can you not see yourself and your value"? I sat and looked blankly at him and told him I just didn’t FEEL it deep inside. Thus began my true starting over process of therapy and getting out of isolation. Thank GOODNESS there are wonderful souls in this world!! My husband is truly one of them.

I think we all know to some degree that just because we are smaller-our troubles will not be solved. However-I think there is a deeper experience we go through that needs to be looked at. I believe the extreme changes in our lives and bodies need attention an d that perhaps we should not always go it alone. At least for me this is true.

So-this is me. I will be 44 years old in August. I have gone to a nearly 400 lb woman who could not walk without crutches to a woman who runs up and down the stairs and looks around and thinks to herself “Did you just SEE that? I ran up the stairs"!! LOL! I am learning all about me-from scratch. I didn’t get that chance before-I just tried to be everything everyone else needed me to be-so that I could be loved. I found this to have left me very empty. I am so very glad I have the chance to really start over. And starting over I am. I do it-because I can and because there is always hope!

 

I would love to get to know more about all of you and would like to support you in writing your own sort of bio on the board-if you feel comfortable doing so. You never know who you might help-simply by your own story being told.

Thanks for joining us here on this board and I will be making sure to contribute more often-now that I am getting my head above water again.

Peace,

Therese

Therese, thanks for sharing your story. What a wonderful achievement. I just have one question for you - how on earth have you kept such a wonderful shape after losing so much? You don't look saggy or flappy!!

I feel proud of my new size (UK 10/12) but my knees, thighs, stomach and arms are all so covered by folds of wrinkly skin  that i still don't get all those wonderful dresses I see. But there you are in a mini skirt!!

Congrats about the job!

Kate

Bless you Kate! LOL!

I DO have saggy skin. See those little tights I am wearing? They are called "Assets"-which are shapewear tights with no feet (I prefer those because they wear longer-can be worn under pants and with boots and skirts).

I have batwings, very crepy thighs (with the knee flab thing) and pretty much anything below the waist is flabby and shot. I LOVE my shapewear tights and they help lots.

Some day-IF I can affored it and IF I cannot come to terms with the skin, I will get some "work" done. 

I would SO love to wear those cute little summer dresses I saw on the girls in Manchester a couple of weeks ago. They were so darling. One day..maybe??

Peace,
T