Mental Health
Recent Posts
Topic: TGIF! WEEKEND PLANS? CHIME IN!
hi all,
i am so happy its friday! i just completed my 3rd week of a temp job and seem to be doing ok. the only time i get tearful is when i am being corrected. mostly cuz i thought i did it right.... i almost cried on weds cuz of a mistake i was never taught about. she said it was grounds for dismissal. which scared me that she would fire me. but i made it through!
i dont have set plans for the wknd, just my psych appt tomorrow. me and the kiddies will probably play the Wii most of the time.
www.youtube.com/watch
yeah, this looks like us! dorky!
bm
i am so happy its friday! i just completed my 3rd week of a temp job and seem to be doing ok. the only time i get tearful is when i am being corrected. mostly cuz i thought i did it right.... i almost cried on weds cuz of a mistake i was never taught about. she said it was grounds for dismissal. which scared me that she would fire me. but i made it through!
i dont have set plans for the wknd, just my psych appt tomorrow. me and the kiddies will probably play the Wii most of the time.
www.youtube.com/watch
yeah, this looks like us! dorky!
bm
Thoughts become things... choose the good ones!
Boxermom
290/190/160 TT done
sw/cw/gw
Boxermom
290/190/160 TT done
sw/cw/gw
Topic: RE: My intro...
hi ladywolfsong,
thank you for posting your story. we here understand and can empathize with your stuggles. I think its great that you are being proactive about your weight. sounds like your hospital is very thorough. i know i had to pay a pretty big out of pocket for the psych evaluation before wls. i faked it! said what he wanted to hear and he also prompted me with answers. but this was before i was diagnosed with bipolar. i also blame weight gain on meds. i gained 30 lbs in one month on one of them. which i begged to go off of, and my dr agreed.
good luck with your wls journey and stay upbeat!
bm
thank you for posting your story. we here understand and can empathize with your stuggles. I think its great that you are being proactive about your weight. sounds like your hospital is very thorough. i know i had to pay a pretty big out of pocket for the psych evaluation before wls. i faked it! said what he wanted to hear and he also prompted me with answers. but this was before i was diagnosed with bipolar. i also blame weight gain on meds. i gained 30 lbs in one month on one of them. which i begged to go off of, and my dr agreed.
good luck with your wls journey and stay upbeat!
bm
Thoughts become things... choose the good ones!
Boxermom
290/190/160 TT done
sw/cw/gw
Boxermom
290/190/160 TT done
sw/cw/gw
Topic: My intro...
I'm going to cheat and take this from my page...
I have struggled with body image my whole life....always just a little chubby, always picked on for being "fat". At 5'7" and 142 pounds, I bought into it wholeheartedly. I was fat. If only I had seen the truth! I actually lost weight during my first pregnancy, in 1995, and then didn't gain until my 5th month....I lost my pregnancy weight quickly, then gained some, getting to about 160 going into my second pregnancy in 2001. I have bipolar type ll, PTSD, Panic Disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder, which I have struggled with my whole life, and getting much worse around my oldest daughter Mikayla's first birthday, when I was hospitalized for the first time. During my pregnancy with Ember-Lynne, I fought...I'm not sure whether I was fighting harder to live or to die. I was hospitalized several times during the pregnancy, wanting her to be big enough to be born so I could die. I have had 57 psychiatric hospitalizations, between 1997 and 2008. It has been a long hard road, and the various psych meds I've been on have contributed to my weight gain...I blame Seroquel for contributing in large part to me gaining almost 100 pounds in a period of about 6 months...this was in 2003, bringing me to a weight of around 250. Depression and physical health issues have contributed to the further slow but steady weight gain to get me where I am today, 289.
I hate my body at this weight, and even more than how I look in a bathing suit I am obsessed with the number on the scale. Both my parents are morbidly obese and I always swore growing up if I ever got over 200 pounds I would kill myself. I am much healthier emotionally than I have probably ever been, and there haven't been any serious suicidal thoughts since I started my current med regimen in October 2008. I still get stressed and depressed, still feel like I am going to fall apart, and still need to find a good therapist, but I forge ahead and am looking into Roux-en-Y surgery. My ideal would be to get to 145, but right now I'd be excited to get under 200. I have PCOS, unexplained joint pain, chronic yeast infections of my skin, steatohepatitis (stage 2 fatty liver), and high cholesterol. My HDL is 50, LDL is 197, and triglycerides are 233. My PCP wanted to put me on cholesterol meds but is afraid they would irritate my liver further and lead to more scarring. I saw a liver doctor who said I probably could go on cholesterol meds and he is going to discuss it with my PCP, but I am having pain in my liver from time to time and he said the only cure for that is for me to lose weight and if I can't do it on my own, I should seriously consider weight loss surgery. He got me started seriously looking into it.
My hospital has an intense program both pre and post op, starting with a 2 hour Intro to Bariatric Surgery info session, which I went to April 1st...that is Step 1...there are 9 steps to complete before you can have surgery. I will soon be on step 5. They require you to pay $250 which isn't covered by insurance...it's worth it, it gives you lifetime access to a dietician, gets you in for the support group, the online message boards and direct emails with the surgeons and everything, but now money is going to be very tight for the month of May. I am supporting myself and my boyfriend on SSI of $726 a month plus food stamps. He has applied for SSI, been denied, and is appealing with the help of a lawyer. Money is always EXTREMELY tight. I'm always stressing over having enough.
I have struggled with body image my whole life....always just a little chubby, always picked on for being "fat". At 5'7" and 142 pounds, I bought into it wholeheartedly. I was fat. If only I had seen the truth! I actually lost weight during my first pregnancy, in 1995, and then didn't gain until my 5th month....I lost my pregnancy weight quickly, then gained some, getting to about 160 going into my second pregnancy in 2001. I have bipolar type ll, PTSD, Panic Disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder, which I have struggled with my whole life, and getting much worse around my oldest daughter Mikayla's first birthday, when I was hospitalized for the first time. During my pregnancy with Ember-Lynne, I fought...I'm not sure whether I was fighting harder to live or to die. I was hospitalized several times during the pregnancy, wanting her to be big enough to be born so I could die. I have had 57 psychiatric hospitalizations, between 1997 and 2008. It has been a long hard road, and the various psych meds I've been on have contributed to my weight gain...I blame Seroquel for contributing in large part to me gaining almost 100 pounds in a period of about 6 months...this was in 2003, bringing me to a weight of around 250. Depression and physical health issues have contributed to the further slow but steady weight gain to get me where I am today, 289.
I hate my body at this weight, and even more than how I look in a bathing suit I am obsessed with the number on the scale. Both my parents are morbidly obese and I always swore growing up if I ever got over 200 pounds I would kill myself. I am much healthier emotionally than I have probably ever been, and there haven't been any serious suicidal thoughts since I started my current med regimen in October 2008. I still get stressed and depressed, still feel like I am going to fall apart, and still need to find a good therapist, but I forge ahead and am looking into Roux-en-Y surgery. My ideal would be to get to 145, but right now I'd be excited to get under 200. I have PCOS, unexplained joint pain, chronic yeast infections of my skin, steatohepatitis (stage 2 fatty liver), and high cholesterol. My HDL is 50, LDL is 197, and triglycerides are 233. My PCP wanted to put me on cholesterol meds but is afraid they would irritate my liver further and lead to more scarring. I saw a liver doctor who said I probably could go on cholesterol meds and he is going to discuss it with my PCP, but I am having pain in my liver from time to time and he said the only cure for that is for me to lose weight and if I can't do it on my own, I should seriously consider weight loss surgery. He got me started seriously looking into it.
My hospital has an intense program both pre and post op, starting with a 2 hour Intro to Bariatric Surgery info session, which I went to April 1st...that is Step 1...there are 9 steps to complete before you can have surgery. I will soon be on step 5. They require you to pay $250 which isn't covered by insurance...it's worth it, it gives you lifetime access to a dietician, gets you in for the support group, the online message boards and direct emails with the surgeons and everything, but now money is going to be very tight for the month of May. I am supporting myself and my boyfriend on SSI of $726 a month plus food stamps. He has applied for SSI, been denied, and is appealing with the help of a lawyer. Money is always EXTREMELY tight. I'm always stressing over having enough.
Topic: RE: Introduction
I've had several complications. I had seven surgeries in the first year and a half. I had a lap rny in Dec 2002 and had a leak so I had to have an open rny the next morning. I continued to have pain and my surgeon said it wasn't related to my rny so my obgyn did an exploratory laparascopic surgery in July 2003 . He couldn't even get in because of all the adhesions. I also had a hernia. So about a year post op Dec 2003 I had a different surgeon repair my hernia and cut out adhesions. I developed another leak so I had emergency surgery the next day. Then in May and July 2004, I had a bowel obstruction and both had to be operated on. From September 2004 to June 2005 I spent at least a week out of the month in the hospital with partial bowel obstructions. I finally learned how to deal with them at home. In January 2005 I was falsely diagnosed with Addison's Disease and put on steroids. I put on 90 pounds in six months. I had such poor veins that I had to have a permanent IV put into my chest. I continued to suffer from ulcers and vomited daily. All the acid wore the enamel off my teeth and I had to get a full set of dentures at the age of 35. I continued to have daily pain. I get these spasms that start at the bottom of my rib cage and radiate to my back and right side. An antispasmodic medicine sometimes helps. When it doesn't I have to go to the ER to make sure it isn't an obstruction and for pain management. They were never able to give me an exact cause for the spasms until January 2010. My new surgeon did an enteroclysis and discovered I had Blind Loop Syndrome. It's where part of the bowel becomes paralyzed and stops functioning causing an infection and can lead to partial obstructions. In August 2010 he went in and cut out the affected bowel and basically redid the Y. I still have daily pain, but it is not as bad as it was. My adhesions have grown back. I am technically unhealthier and unhappier than before surgery. But I probably would not be here if it weren't for the surgery. I have to take Percocet to get through the daily pain.
In July 2010 I finally decided to get real with myself and started working on losing the weight I had gained. Having surgery in August helped kick start my weight loss. I have been working out 3 to 5 times a week. I am training to walk in our local mini marathon next month if I can find an entry ticket. I didn't register and now it is full. I didn't register because I thought I would never be able to do it, again the self doubt and sabotage played a role. I struggle to get in all of my protein daily.
Thanks for letting me share my story.
Stephanie E
In July 2010 I finally decided to get real with myself and started working on losing the weight I had gained. Having surgery in August helped kick start my weight loss. I have been working out 3 to 5 times a week. I am training to walk in our local mini marathon next month if I can find an entry ticket. I didn't register and now it is full. I didn't register because I thought I would never be able to do it, again the self doubt and sabotage played a role. I struggle to get in all of my protein daily.
Thanks for letting me share my story.
Stephanie E
Topic: RE: Introduction
HI Stephanie,
I am so impressed that you have lost the weight you gained. You should be so proud. And I also think you should be proud to have gone to the stress center. Its hard to do it, but you just "know" when you need to go back, and dont be ashamed or anything about it. I speak out of experience as well. Can you share with us your post op complications? I am just curious, sorry if its prying...
Can i ask what you did to lose the weight you gained? I need some good advice. I am eating yogurt, cheese sticks, salads loaded with meat, protein shakes, protein bars, beef jerky, all the stuff i had post op, plus i am on adipex, and walking 20 mins a day and playing 20 mins of wii just dance..... the scale wont friggin budge!!!! and its ****** me off! sorry to vent......
anyways, we are glad you are here with us. please stop by often.
bm
I am so impressed that you have lost the weight you gained. You should be so proud. And I also think you should be proud to have gone to the stress center. Its hard to do it, but you just "know" when you need to go back, and dont be ashamed or anything about it. I speak out of experience as well. Can you share with us your post op complications? I am just curious, sorry if its prying...
Can i ask what you did to lose the weight you gained? I need some good advice. I am eating yogurt, cheese sticks, salads loaded with meat, protein shakes, protein bars, beef jerky, all the stuff i had post op, plus i am on adipex, and walking 20 mins a day and playing 20 mins of wii just dance..... the scale wont friggin budge!!!! and its ****** me off! sorry to vent......
anyways, we are glad you are here with us. please stop by often.
bm
Thoughts become things... choose the good ones!
Boxermom
290/190/160 TT done
sw/cw/gw
Boxermom
290/190/160 TT done
sw/cw/gw
Topic: RE: Wednesday's Check In...How was your Day????
Just sending ((((HUGGGGGS))))))your way, sure hope your days get brighter.
Topic: Introduction
I am 8 years post op from my rny. I suffer from depression and anxiety. For me it was surgery or suicide. As crazy as it sounds, my weight is what ultimately kept me from committing suicide. I had dreams of being too heavy and them dropping my casket. To be honest, when I woke up from surgery I was kind of mad that I woke up. I had a goal of becoming emotionally healthier as I became physically healthier. Well I had so many comlications the first year, my whole focus was put onto the physical aspect. Then when I got healthier it hit me like a truck! I had hid behind my weight for so long and all of a sudden it wasn't there for me to hide behind. And the true reasons for me being depressed were revealed. I didn't feel worthy of being thinner and happier. I was forced to take steroids for another complications and managed to put on 90 pounds. I used the steroids as an excuse to eat things I should not have. Looking back, it was self sabotage. I have since been able to lose all but 25 of the 90 pounds. This time last year I was in the stress center. I am fighting hard to stay out of there now. This time of year is always bad for me.
Stephanie E
Stephanie E
Topic: RE: Wednesday's Check In...How was your Day????
Hello to all, I am very excited about this forum. I feel like we have friends here and none of us have even met. I think my banding surgery will be in June. I am a little scared (well maybe a lot) but hopefully it will all go well. My daughter also loves her dog just like he was her child, he is precious, he spends the nite with me a lot, and some people do not realize the attachment we have to our pets. Well Friday is almost here and we have had a good week at work, by the way I cook , drive a bus and help in the office at a local daycare, we have 160 children and I love my work.Everybody have a wonderful nite.
Topic: RE: why are YOU here?!?!?!?
Hi skinneymeforever, I hope and pray some of your sadness is getting better. This depression scares me, I am on well-butrin for depression and xanax for Anxiety attacks when needed, I feel like my surgery will be sometime in june and I was all excited and now I am scared to death, I will be getting the realize band if I don't back out. We will just wait and see, but I do hope things get better fo you.
Topic: RE: Wednesday's Check In...How was your Day????
oh, carla, i'm with you! i could never have a sick cat put down. we only put down our 19 y.o. boy when he was paralyzed in his back legs and had zero quality of life.
this is late, but i had a really hard wednesday. this doesn't compare to the financial woes we all have, but my mom has sold the house i grew up in and somehow that is breaking my heart. can't stop crying. lived there since 1963. so sad. not doing my depression much good!
all hugs gratefull accepted. maybe i should have started another post for thursday, as i'm late for weds. dunno. just thought i'd add on.
bipolar and money as a combo really do suck. i work with several people with bipolar in my dept at tne mental health non-profit i work for and i know from talking to them how hard it is. i'll stick with depression,anxiety, and ptsd any day!
((((((((hugs))))))) to all.
this is late, but i had a really hard wednesday. this doesn't compare to the financial woes we all have, but my mom has sold the house i grew up in and somehow that is breaking my heart. can't stop crying. lived there since 1963. so sad. not doing my depression much good!
all hugs gratefull accepted. maybe i should have started another post for thursday, as i'm late for weds. dunno. just thought i'd add on.
bipolar and money as a combo really do suck. i work with several people with bipolar in my dept at tne mental health non-profit i work for and i know from talking to them how hard it is. i'll stick with depression,anxiety, and ptsd any day!
((((((((hugs))))))) to all.
Ann 
