Ruining my WLS

My name is Charity. I had my surgery Oct 21 2011. I have lost 86 lbs since then. I have severe depression, bi-polar and recently diagnosed with add or adhd. I don't remember what the doc said. One of my symptoms is hearing and memory. Anyway, I have not been following my diet the way I should. I am under a lot of stress in all areas of life. I am out of work due to all of this so I am working towards disability. I have real bad insomnia and the sleep meds (once they GET me to sleep, if they do) keep me drugged out the next day. I am eating way to often, and noticing that I am able to eat more than I should at 5 and a half months out. I am doing everything wrong and I can't seem to stop myself. I don't want this to have been a waste of time or money or my last chance. I live with one of my daughters and her boyfriend and they eat anything and I find myself eating what they eat instead of making my own food cause I just don't have the motivation or energy to do it. 

I am lost, confused, frustrated and angry at myself for messing this up and not doing anything about it and it is almost like I don't care. But then again, right now, I don't care about anything. I am on Lamotrigine and Topiramate and Celexa. The first two are new and will be weaned off the Celexa as the dosage of the other two are increased over time. I used to be a strong person and now I just feel like mush. 

Not sure why I am posting. Not looking for sympathy but maybe ideas on how to get me to see the light and get me to stop stretching my stomach. Or maybe its too late and I have already stretched it. 

Thanks for reading

Hey, Charity,  I'm really glad you posted.  these freakin' mental illnesses just screw things up!!!  i have major depression also, was on disability for about 18 months, and generally feel like i know some of what you're feeling.  and it sucks.  i hope the lamictal helps -- it really gave me energy that i had never had before.  so, hoping that for you too.

i'm certainly not the food expert -- only 3 mos in -- but i know it must be hard to take care of your eating when you don't care about taking care of yourself.  i mean, i know it is, b/c i've been there.  so, no brilliant ideas about food.  pls be kind to yourself, take one tiny step at a time, maybe do one little thing a day that makes you feel like you are taking care of your sleeve life.

hope this helps a little.  i'm sending you my best thoughts!!!! 

 I have been trying to be a little more thoughtful of what I put into my mouth even though I have the I don't care attitude. Since coming back to the boards and posting I have moved past my stall. Maybe the meds are kicking in and helping too. Hoping that I can get over this hump and get back to a normal life soon.

Thanks for your reply. :)

About 6 months after I had surgery,  I was tested twice for bi-polar and then diagnosed with it.  I had originally thought that my behavior was due to losing weight [ new level of confidence ] or hormones.  I wish someone would do a study on mental illness occuring post op.  I think its more common and related than people think.

I too take Lamotrigine or  "lamictal" because its a mood stabilizer and is almost always given for bipolar.  they may put you on depacote or another stabilizer later on.  "Psychiatrists have used topiramate to treat bipolar and often use topiramate to augment psychotrophics or counteract weight gain associated with numerous antidepressants".  I am also on abilify to increase the seratonin in my body.  they have put me on Luvox to control obsessive / compulsive thoughts.  I got on Luvox becauseto replace the other they had me on made me graze at night.  I put on 30 lbs in the one month i was on it.  they put me on adipex to counter balance the increased appetite.  maybe you can ask about it too.  and it may decrease your appetite for the carbs and eating in general.  possibly limiting your pouch size to what it should be so new out of surgery.

i feel you are a very STRONG PERSON because you are being proactive with your illness.  It takes a strong individual to admit you need help and then seek it.

 Thanks for your very thorough post. I am actually going to print it out and research the medications you mentioned. Grazing at night is a big problem for me. Some days are better than others. Once I slip and have a carb, forget it. It is like a free for all. :(  

Hopefully one day soon I can again feel like the strong person that I know I once was. Thanks for your support. :)

Charity,

Please remember that treating bipolar is an ongoing process.  I change meds every couple of months it seems.  Like now, I am very tearful.  This leads me to believe my anti depressant, Abilify needs to be increased.  I am on a very low dose right now, and i think he may only raise it 3mg.

You may need to keep changing meds til you seem to be 'even'.  takes time for sure.  Which makes it very critical to find a good doctor and stick with him/her.  They need to get to know your brain and reactions to different types of meds. they also have to consider that we dont absorb things like other patients.  sometimes liquid forms are best for us.  though they are more expensive.]   thats how I know and he knows what to do to help me out.  glad i see him this wk though!

AND YOU ARE STRONG DAMMMMMIT! :))

bm

 Back again with the same problems. The kinda of leveled out for alittle while but now it seems like they are worse than before. I guess I will have to call the doc and let him know that this crazy bit is not a good thing for me. I am eating things that I KNOW will make me sick. My protein was pretty low during my last round of blood work and I got yelled at. I just crave carbs and LOTS of them. I will drink soda KNOWING that when I wake up in the morning i will be so bloated it hurts. I will eat cereal KNOWING that I will dump and be miserable for hours. But yet I can eat 2 large peanut butter cookies and nothing happens. I do NOT want to regain my weight back and I STILL have a lot to lose. This mental illness crap is gonna kill me yet. But on the bright side. My long term disabiltiy did come through and I have completed the SSI disabiltiy paperwork with the help of a third party that my LTD uses. 

I just don't know what to do. I know that I need to push my insurance into finding a talk therapist that does eating disorder couseling before i wind up in the hopital from eating to much and doing somthing to my pouch. :(

Thanks for listening.