Question of the Week: Newbies, Pre-Ops chime in!

This was posted by someone else and re-posted here by me. I feel this is an important topic for all to talk about, especially pre-ops and newbies:

The fantasy that you'll be thin after WLS and the world will suddenly embrace you is just that-- a fantasy. I am not sure why it seems so many people think it would be any other way--- the people in your life chose to be there when you were fat, right?

Your obesity may be serving other people a purpose:
 
+ It may make them feel superior to you in some way.
+ It may make you less sexually threatening or "safe."
+ It may be they find your fat appealing-- many do.
+ It may mean that your partner is insecure and feels safer that you will stay around with a body type that fewer people prefer
+ They may like having you as an eating partner
+ They may simply not like change
+ Your obesity may be giving them permission to stay overweight as well and they're not ready to make a change
+ They may fear surgery could kill or injure you
+ You may just weird them out because you don't look like *you*

So when you're making your decision, know that.

Can you live with the fact that you may lose some friends? Be alienated by co-workers? Lose a partner or spouse? Lose your identity or your sexuality?

These are very real things that can happen, yes, even to you, because you really cannot know where their heads are. You can only control your lil' portion of the cabbage patch. If the answer's "I know these things can happen, but this is something I have to do to save myself", you're golden. It won't make those difficult relationships any better-- or your struggles less intense, but at least you will know where you really stand and what your motives really are.

 I can live with the fact that I may lose some "friends", or should I say associates. I have only 2 very true friends , both of whom support my decision to have WLS. One does play devil's advocate, but only to force me to see the tough life ahead of me post-op (she's an R.N.-I love her very much). I also have a very supportive family, and psych "team" in the form of Kaiser Psych; I have been seeing my doctors for over a year and believe that I can be successful in having WLS.

As for my husband, he has ALWAYS supported me. He loves my size and loves me for who I am; he only wants me to be healthy. We have discussed this for the last 2 years. Just today he complimented me on my accomplishments in the last 2 year (exercise 5 days a week, -50lbs, eating healthier). He told me his was very proud of me--I was elated!

The decision to have WLS was mine. I am fully aware that the decision comes with some unfortunate results--loss of associates, alienation by coworkers--but I'm not doing this for them. I'm doing this for me. To prolong my life. To see my daughter off to college. To play with my future grandchilden. To retire with my husband and enjoy life after working so many years. To live. I know what my motives are.