Weekly Question: How did your Significant Other help or hurt your journey to health?

When we have weight loss surgery, our lives changed. It is bound to change the lives of those we live with as well. How did your Significant other deal with your weight loss journey to health? Did they help you? Did they hurt you? How did your family react/support you? How about your kids, siblings, co-workers, friends?

I did not have a significant other at the time of surgery.  however, I know that some have hurt, but it seems that most connected with our group were helped by their mates so that's wonderful news.  I look forward to hearing people's responses and if they may need our support.

My family was surprisingly supportive.  That sounds bad to write but I didn't think most would "get it"' of why I was doing something that really wasn't so out in the public eye back in 2000 when I said I was going to have surgery.  At the time of my surgery, I switched jobs so while my pre-op co-workers knew, they weren't with me on a daily post-op basis to see my progress.  I have kept in touch with many of them since then and they remain upbeat about what I did. 

Overall, I guess I am one of the fortunate ones.  I only had one friend that struggled with my choice and, alas, she is not a part of my life anymore.

Kimberlee

Thanks for responding Kimberlee. Sharing our experiences does help others.

Most of the people I know have been really supportive. I was actually a bit surprised by that. I expected more judgment.

But most of my friends and co-workers are very fitness conscious and are not morbidly obese. So they really get that I'm doing something positive for my health and there isn't any jealousy or pressure to do the same thing getting in the way.

OTOH, my husband is obese and in bad health and I think he thinks I'm crazy to have gotten this surgery (because it is surgery), particularly as a self-pay, and is completely not open to getting it himself. This upsets me a bit. I think he's in complete denial right now about the state of his health and what it's going to take to fix things too.

Does he sabbotage your weight loss?

Do you find yourself doing more things with out him?

How can you include him in your journey to health and help him get there as well?

He doesn't actively sabotage me. But he's been very resistant to anything I've tried to do to help him be more active -- even just things like getting a family membership at the gym. Also, I tried to get him to walk with me when I was walking early post-op but even though he said he was interested, he always had an excuse.So I've backed off.

We've always had separate hobbies so I think he views my healthy stuff as something he doesn't have to get involved in because it's "mine."

He plans to be there in the audience when I do my first 5K and my first tri though.

I've been on the weight loss/gain roller coaster for years.  When I first gained big, and then lost big, my spouse wanted me to "swing".  I learned that he had been unfaithful to me most of our marriage, and now he saw me as a marketable commodity.  He was angry when I didn't buy in to this lifestyle.  Clearly, I did not have the type of marriage I thought I had, and the change in my physical appearance after weight loss only brought it out in the open.  Yes, I divorced him.

On the other hand, my children have been very supportive.  I was nervous about telling my son about the surgery because he is a worry-wort.  But he surprised me, knowing much more about WLS than I thought.  He encouraged me to continue down this path.

My Mom and sisters are also very supportive, although sometimes my Mom kinda sabotages my eating by offering me things I shouldn't eat (it's just her way, and she's trying not to do this).  I have not told any of my five brothers about the surgery. 

I've been surprised by some of the reactions of close friends.  I think what has surprised me the most is how skeptical some of them are of WLS.  Some know people who have had WLS who didn't lose weight or had complications and now regret having the surgery.  I have told only those friends that I feel will understand, or who I feel I can influence to be more understanding through education and observing my journey.   Even if they are still skeptical, they support my decision and encourage me as I continue down this path.
 

I think as our bodies get healthy, so does our way of thinking. But we are still surrounded by those who have the "old way" of thinking.

Good for you in keeping true to yourself!

Everyone has been supportive in my life, except for a few. My mom and some of my family were VERY skeptical until they saw the results. My ex-husband has always been supportive, still is. I have noticed that I have to be the one to stand firm on the types of food that is served for me. No one else is going to do it. So my family still offers the awesome fat filled cakes and pies, but I have to decline, or suggest a sugar or fat free version. Slowly, it's catching on.

I feel really luck to have a spouse who supports whatever I decide to do.  He loves me fat or not so fat.  When we met 9 years ago I was a total work out junkie and was pretty fit.  He made no comments on the weight gain.  My family does have a history of being overweight and I used to be the smallest of them all.  I have their support totally.  I have not told close friends about the surgery I want because of a co-worker who had surgery and did not lose weight.  She still eats what she wants and drinks soda.  I do not want them to put me in the same category.  Once I have surgery and lose more weight I will share with them.  But I do not want to hear anything-negative right now.