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From today's meeting: how I've changed...posted 1/15/11 1:46 pm
Naturally, on the drive home from today's support group meeting I thought more about Helena's question to me of "how have I changed" since my surgery and, while my answer opened up a big can of worms for us, it wasn't the true answer to her question so here goes. Some of the ways I've changed pre-op vs. post-op:
~ I no longer hate myself. ~ I no longer see myself as a fat slob, a loser, unloveable, or undeserving of happiness. ~ I volunteer because I want to support that organization or cause and not so they will "like the fat girl." ~ When I was dating post-op, I was more selective of who I dated, whereas, pre-op if any Schmo gave me the time of day I would have skeptically accepted because "who else would want me," but pre-op dating was very rare. ~ I look in the mirror now and see a beautiful person. Pre-op, I avoided mirrors or would look at the image in one in disgust. ~ I am satisfied with one or two pieces of pizza. Pre-op, I would "need" to eat a whole large one. ~ Pre-op, I would not leave the grocery store without buying at least one container (often 4) of Ben & Jerry's. Post-op, I honestly can't tell you the last time I bought one or any ice cream. Years and years, probably 9 or since the moment I became a Post-op person. I'm not "as much" of an emotional eater as I was pre-op because my tummy won't let me so I actually have to deal with the issues more now instead of reaching for food to comfort, numb and avoid the issue. ~ I can sit in a booth in a restaurant...and often ask to sit in one now! ~ I can attend events that have food at them and not be concerned that the Food Police is keeping a tally of what I eat. I can relax and actually enjoy myself and the company there, whereas, pre-op I probably would have avoided such a function. ~ I have confidence and pride in myself and I definitely didn't have either one pre-op. ~ I often smile when I put clothes on because the number is much smaller than what it used to be. Whereas, pre-op I felt shame and sadness at having to put on clothes that were a 30-32/4XL. ~ I really changed in that I opened up myself to the belief that someone could truly love me and want to marry me. Pre-op, I would have pushed my husband away if he were trying to date me as I wouldn't have trusted his intentions because "why would he be interested in the fat girl?" ~ I now want to be with my family, whereas, pre-op I often avoided them so I could avoid the stares or the natural conversation topic typical of my grandmother of "here's the latest diet..." or "you should lose 50 pounds..." I just avoided putting myself in that situation. ~ If I went to a bakery, pre-op I would order a cake and have them write like "Happy Birthday Betty" on it so they wouldn't think it was all for me and now if I actually went to a bakery (not sure the last time I even walked into one), I would order just a piece of something to enjoy shame-free like one cookie or one cupcake. ~ I do not go to fast food restaurants or drink soda now and I definitely did pre-op. Drive-thru was a my friend because I would think that if I sat in the car and ordered, the person at the window couldn't really see how fat I was. But duh, that person is looking down at me and can probably see my entire body! It was nice to reflect on these changes on the drive home. I hope they will help you and help you see changes that you make on your journey. Jotting this down really reminded me that I'm in a much better and happier place than I was a decade ago thanks to weight loss surgery. Have a good month, Kimberlee 0 Responses to "From today's meeting: how I've changed..."Be the first to comment!Sign in to comment! Login Now. << Blog Home |
