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What I learned was that following the surgery, I would forever be doomed to eating about 2 oz. a meal, or I could get sick and die. It was as simple as that. I had told him I would give him my decision soon. During that time I started another diet, still with no success. I was morbidly obese, and could not exercise. It was a vicious circle. But, I still had not made a decision..

What I realized was that her program would have me eating the way I’d have to have eaten after the gastric bypass surgery, and that I could lose weight without the pain of surgery, without the cost of surgery, and without the danger of any surgery. So, I finally made a decision. I’m gonna go for the surgery. My journey is not over, and quite frankly, it just began, but my goal is to lose 245 lbs. and weigh 130lbs. Every since junior high school I have dreamed about being skinny..

So every year I tell myself this is the year I'm going to change it. That was all small talk because it never happened. I told myself that by my 23rd birthday that I was going to lose this weight. Instead I have been gaining and just lying to myself. So in November of 2009 I will be 33 and I have to get this weight off. I cannot sit here and lie to myself anymore; "I am going to start next week" or telling myself "let me get all of my cravings out this week and then I am going to start." I need to start now. I'm not happy with the way I look or feel and I am very ready to make some changes. I have tried many diets and they havent worked This isn't going to happen this time !!! I do not know why but I am finding it rather hard to stay POP ...

I am very scared that I will not reach my goal. I have always been larger than those in my family. I was "FAT" and they were thin. I felt FAT. When I was in Jr. High school I was in gym class and couldn’t pull myself up on the rope. Then in 2003, I fell and hurt my back. I was in so much pain and couldn’t move what so ever. I had gone to the doctor and had some x-rays done. The doctor told me that I had a herniated disc in my back. I was in bed for six months and I still couldn’t move. The painkillers didn’t work for me either. I gained 50lbs from that. I have been obese my whole life. Currently I am about 245lbs over weight. The way I see it. I've been trapped in a FAT body too long. I think one of my biggest downfalls was all the food I would eat..

I have turned down seeing friends who have not seen me in years, because I am so humiliated by what I look like. I have a really bad addiction to food. I don’t even eat it necessarily because I am hungry, it's because I'm addicted to the food, I love the way it tastes and makes me feel. I feel like I have to have it. I have always hated myself for letting myself get this FAT and I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. I feel that I am very ugly. I feel like I'm a skinny person trapped in a fat persons body screaming to get out. I also feel that me being this FAT Im not going to live a long life and if I continue to gain weight and don’t lose any weight it will affect my health big time. Well I guess this is the start of a very long battle and journey..

WISH ME LUCK !!!