3 days away....and feeling so emotional...HELP

I am three days away from my RNY on 5/31/11 and I am just so emotional.  I nearly cancelled the surgery today!  I have just been pushing people away and just almost sabotaging myself and I don't know what to do.  That has been the pattern of my life...start having success and then sabotage your success...

I am needing encouragement and words of wisdom.  Am I crazy?  How do I deal with all this emotion?  What are the things I need to truly focus on before I show up at the hospital Tuesday morning at 5:30am?

I don't know what to do or how to feel...I am stressed and scared and just a jumble of emotions....excited...nervous....

HELP!

Arianne

Hi Arianne,
    I think there are a high percentage of people who go through the same things you are now. You are not crazy. I think it's pretty normal to have feelings that ask, "What am I doing? Do I really want this surgery?" Only you can say if you are ready. I know I did the right thing. I was excited and scared at the same time. Wondering "What am I doing." Same thing you have probably ask yourself.

    Focus on being prepared for your homecoming. Do you have your clear liquids ready to be made? Do you have protein drinks/shakes? Are things in your home set up to be easy for you to maneuver around without difficult? Comfortable PJ's or night gown for when you get home? 
 
    There are a great number of people on this site with tons of experience. I'm sure they will be able to help you. Take a deep breath. Do something good just for you this weekend. A nice bubble bath or something else you love to do. Pamper yourself. Your worth it.
     Mag   

Hi Mag-

Thanks for the encouragement and words of advice.  I am feeling much better now.  Just didn't realize how much I had bottled up.  Tomorrow is the big day and I am ready!

Worked my last night shift last night and am looking forward to finishing up things around the house today to be ready when I get home.  My parents are coming up today to take care of my kids and help me when I get home. 

I will keep you all updated on how I am doing!

Arianne

Arianne,  I haven't had my surgery yet, nor is it yet scheduled.  I am at the very beginning of my journey and commend you for getting this far.  I am scared too, and I keep wavering in going forward.  When I am at the point of stopping because I'm so scared, I have to remind myself what's in store for me if I DON'T go forward.  Both choices are ok.  I am not a bad or lesser person because of my fear or choice.  I have to take a closer look at what I want the remainder of my life to be... continued health and mobility issues and a shorter life, or, improved health and mobility and a longer, more productive, and enjoyable life?  The choice is mine and the fear in dealing with my demons is part of the process.  What am I really afraid of?  Am I holding onto my abusive relationship with food because it's comfortable and known?  I would say yes.  Truthfully, I am turning to food to deliver me from hurt, pain, stress, and loneliness.  It won't deliver me, it won't save me from all of that but I am powerless to fight my turning to it.  That is why I am choosing surgery as a tool to help me.  At these feaful times, I try to focus on the goal and what is in store for me.  Remember, Arianne, that it is ok and normal to feel what you are feeling.  Just telling someone (whom you know is there to support you) will help you get through it.  All they have to do is listen.  We are all here to listen to you.  You are not crazy.  This step is MAJOR.  Look to your higher power (God?) and tell them what you are feeling.  Try to determine why it is you are feeling that way; what it is that's causing the negative emotion, and let it go.  Don't fight the emotion because, as I call it, stuffing it will only make it more overpowering and may cause you to make choices you'll regret.  Be honest with yourself and you will get through it.  You have much to offer you probably don't even know about... you spoke today and that has definitely helped me.  Thank you.  Please keep us posted, at least me...  Warm hugs to you!

Hi there-

I wanted to thank you for encouraging me and helping me focus on what was important and move through all those emotions.

I wish you the best of luck with you surgery in the future.

Arianne

I haven't had my surgery yet, but it is scheduled and I know exactly what you are feeling.  This feelings are completely normal.  You are conciously deciding to take away your addiction...food and replace it with God knows what.  Remember, all the things that you want to accomplish after surgery.  Focus on the preparation of food and items that you need.  Meditate and be mindful of the picture of you after the surgery.  Take walks with deep breaths.  Focus on the positive.  Be aware of all that you have done to get to this point and the steps you have taken.  I will be thinking about you on Tuesday...you made a good decision. 

Thanks for your encouragement and support as I move through all these emotions and feelings.  I am ready now for tomorrow!  I hope that you have much success with your surgery and I hope to keep in touch.

Arianne

Hi Arianne,
I am scheduled for June 27 and reading your post made me realize I am also feeling emotional - but was trying not to of course! This is a big step and stirs up a lot of emotions - such as how did i do this to myself/ get here is the first place, what the heck am I doing, is this going to work, etc.  It takes a lot of courage to get to the decision to help your self and put yourself first so congratulations on getting this far!  It has taken me about 10 years of yes/no before i finally "got it" and started this journey (as opposed to a diet).  I went to a residential weight loss program in January and lost some weight and thought, hey I can just follow all these lifestyle changes and it will work.  I have since realized the changes are hard and still necessary but my health is now a priority and the surgery is one more tool to get there.  The hard work is also there...the emotional work and the lifestyle changesbut I truly believe the surgery will literally be a life saver in speeding up the weight loss and getting healthier faster.  I forgot to mention - i cried almost every day at the residential program....but less and less each day as I realized it was okay for all the suppressed emotions to come up and I (still working on it) could forgive myself for getting to this point.  It takes COURAGE to do what you are doing - hang in there and focus on your new and evolving self.  If you need a little down time, just let your support team know it; they want to help but may not know the best way to do so.  Be kind to yourself, relax, medidate or pray and keep positive thoughts...all will be well and you will soon be looking back as this hurdle as one more step to a new you!  Keep us updated and all the best! 
Warm regards

Thank you so much for the words of advice and encouragement.   You really halped me see a lot of my feelings in a different way.  I just had so much bottled up and it all came out at the same time and it scared me!  I will keep everyone updated on my progress.

Arianne

Wishing you a quick uneventful surgery tomorrow. Remember to get up often and walk. Sip, sip, sip. Here is an early welcome to the losing side of surgery. Hugs