Introducing ladywolfsong

   Hi, I'm Heather. I'm 37 years old. I go by ladywolfsong or nokomiswolfsong online. I am new to the community, and pretty new to the idea of weight loss surgery. I had thought about it over the past couple years, briefly, as it came up in the media, and I always immediately dismissed it. It seems like such a major big thing, and it scares me.  Even 6 weeks ago, a Facebook friend posted she is getting it done, and I was like "I could never do it".

   But things keep happening in my life. My health is probably what I would call "fair". I'm at my highest weight, 289. At 5'7", that gives me a BMI of 45. My cholesterol is high, HDL 50, LDL 197, and Triglycerides 233. My doctor wants me on cholesterol meds, but I also have fatty liver disease and she is worried the meds may cause further scarring of my liver. I had a liver ultrasound done and they said they can't say without doing a liver biopsy whether the disease has progressed, but to go ahead and go on cholesterol meds. The other thing that scares me about that is that I had some rabdomylosis (muscle breakdown) when I was on cholesterol meds a few years ago. It hurt. The Hepatologist (Liver doc) said the only thing that can help my liver at this point (with the scarring and the occasional pain) is to lose weight, and if I can't do it on my own, I really should consider bariatric surgery.

   I've had a shift in mindset, as things keep happening. I think it may be what I need to do. At DHMC (Dartmouth-Hitch**** Medical Center, in Lebanon, NH) they have a really good program. The first thing they have you do if you are considering surgery is go to an Intro to Bariatric Surgery Information Session...it's 2 hours long. I went April 1. It made me about 80% sure this is what I want to do, and I feel better about what it entails, but I'm also still scared and a part of me is thinking "maybe I can just keep ignoring things. Maybe if I just cut sugar..."

   If I do this, I live in Vermont, and Vermont Medicaid requires me to meet with a nutritionist once a month for 6 months before I can have surgery....so it would be at least September. I will be getting the Roux-en-Y. DHMC has a great program for pre and post op follow up with dieticians and nurses and all, but I worry about having the necessary day-to-day support I know I will need. I really need a therapist who works with bariatric surgery patients, but I don't even know how to find one near me, and then of course will they take Medicaid. Gah.

   Also, the program requires me to pay $250 that insurance doesn't cover for a commitment/enrollment. I get lifetime consults with a dietician and direct emails with the surgeons, private message boards (all that have gone through that program), and some other stuff I can't remember right now, which is fine, worth it, but I have no idea how I'm going to come up with it. It isn't covered by insurance, and I support myself and my boyfriend on my SSI of $726 a month, plus food stamps. I'm having enough of a fit because at this point I have no way of doing anything for Easter. I can't take the next steps in the program (there are 9, and that is step 3, before surgery****il that is paid.

   Anyway, that is my intro. Feel free to ask me anything. I am looking for advice, friends, and support.

Great to see your intro Heather.  Welcome to the group.  I know 250 sounds like a lot of $$, do what you can to come up with the needed funds.  Losing the weight will improve your health in so many ways.  Does your boyfriend bring any money into the relationship?  Maybe a part time job?

You have found a source of support from this group.  We are here to bounce ideas off, lean on for support.  We speak from our own personal experiences.  I had RNY 1.5 years ago, it took a good many years for me to wrap my mind around surgery as a option.  Now that I am post op, I am thrilled that my mobility has improved, my knees are thankful for less of me to carry about.  I am off insulin, yayyyyyyy, still taking pills for my diabetes, but I can deal with that.

Most programs require the 6 month dietician visits before surgery, this gives you time to start the needed habits that will be your life after surgery.  Any weight lost during these 6 months is a bonus for you and your surgical team, makes surgery easier for you and the team.  I too went to a two hour long intro to wls seminar for my surgical team.  I wouldn't change a thing, just wish I was wiser and had had the surgery many years ago. 

Looking forward to reading more posts along your journey.  Ask any and all questions, we will do our best to answer.  Hugs

   My boyfriend has most of the same mental health issues I do (only difference is he's only been hospitalized twice) and has applied for SSI....he was denied Friday, after 7 months of waiting to hear anything at all. We are going to appeal, but he already is working with a lawyer so I don't know if it will do any good. Mine is the only money we have. He hates it, it adds to his depression to not be able to contribute. He sees me struggle and stress, he gets upset, it just isn't pretty sometimes.
   My dad took me out to supper last night and we sat in a booth and there was that moment again of "the table is squishing my belly, and I look like I'm oozing over the top, I hate myself". I want to slide effortlessly into the booth like I did when I was younger. Every day I want to do this a little more. I'm still pretty scared, but I can't lose the weight on my own and I want to be of average weight again.
  

 I wish you all the luck in this process. This is a fantastic group.  I definitely recommend researching everything you can about surgery and educating yourself. It helps you to understand what the process is and for me it made me feel more in control. List all the questions you may have about life after surgery and ask any one of us.  It's best to get feedback from people who have gone through the surgery we all have had different experiences with surgery and it provides you with balance if you hear from every side of the spectrum, more realistic, if you ask me.  Not everyone has traveled the same path but so many of us have experienced the same feelings that it makes this less scary.

I would advise you to break the process down into baby steps, 1st step maybe to find out some more about surgery, then maybe options for getting the $ worked out and so on. It's less overwhelming that way.


Again, good luck!

Lourdes