So emotional today

I am going nuts today.  I could not hold the dam that has been threatening to break for so long.  I cried and cried, until I fell asleep.  I think that I am gonna have to call the psychologist tomorrow and schedule an appt to work out some things.  I wish that it was just the weight loss hormones, but I htink that my worst fear of having this surgery is rearing its ungl head.

When I was a kid I was sexually abused.  I hid it and it continues for years.  I finally told, but i never really dealt with it until about 10 years ago.  It left tons of emotional scars and I have been working through them.  I was afraid that when I had the surgery, that these scars would become fresh wounds again and I would be weak and vulnerable again.  I mentioned this to the psychologist and he said we would deal with it "IF" it happened.  Well  I had a nightmare the other night, which has left me shaken. I have not remembere what the guy looked like until this dream.  The things that were happening to me as a kid, were happening to me as an adult in this dream.  

I know I am safe.  I know he cannot hurt me anymore.  I still cannot help feeling frightened. 

Dearest Fran,
   I'm so sorry you are going through this terrible emotional time. I've been thinking about you a lot the last 2 days, but figured you were busy at work.
   Dreams can be so vivid and scary. Way to real at times. I'm glad you posted about it. We are your friends and care about you. Will lift you up in prayer tonight and send happy thoughts your way.  As ever,  Mag

thank you much for thinking about me.  I am feeling some better.  Just irritable and frustrated easily.  Gonna talk to my PCP about increasing my lexapro for a time to see if that helps.  Also my surgeon did increase my trazadone for sleep.  So maybe this will help.


So how you been doing? 

Fran, I am sorry your experiencing this.. esp at this time in your life when your trying to pull forward from the other "chains" in your life. proud of you for sharing and talking about your past and fears.. yout not alone, do what you need to do to keep yourself together.. we all break and we all fall apart,, its our friends and family that help hold us together..

HUGGS
Tammy

Repeat after me.
" What happened to me was not my fault, I did nothing wrong. "
Now keep repeating it until you believe it.  You also need to realize that this is life changing. You will go through some real hard emotional thoughts and feelings. Once again you feel helpless, realize that your not. You are in control and when the time comes for you not to be in control you need to allow yourself to trust someone else to take care of you.
Remember we are here for you at OH.

Best wishes,
Dani

Fran, keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as you work to resolve the past.  Bless you for sharing with us.  I know you are on the right track.  Talk this out with your therapist.   We are here to support you along this path.  Hugs

thank you gals for all the love and support. I am so glad that I posted this here.   I am feeling alot better than when I posted this, but to say that I am back to the way I was is still not possible. 

 Gonna keep trucking along.  I am trying to be as positive as i can.   This week I have been giving myself what I needed... SLEEP.  Maybe once I get caught up and begin to have more energy,  I will feel better.

Have not been to the gym this week.  Part of that is because of the emotional stuff, but most of it was because I jsut did not have the physical strength.  I plan on hitting the gym hard this coming week.  Maybe it will help me both physical and emotional.

Glad your feeling better :) Sleep..dont pass it up, your body needs it. Staying positive is hard, Staying focused is helpful with letting others support you, and we will in any way we can :)
I was told that some exercise with stress in your life and emotional heaviness in your life is good to do, even if its a small amount, it will help. Now I need to enforce that in my own life LOL..

 Best wishes Fran.  I too have had issues coming up now that I can't soothe myself with food and drown out the past.  I too am working through this with my psychologist.  I wish you the best and congratulate you on your successes.  It's going to be okay.