Newbie Post

I've actually been a member of OH for a very long time, coming and going as my conviction to WLS waned and ebbed, but I didn't really get serious about it until the past year or so. My mom died in August 2007, and her last coherent words to me were "You have to lose the weight so you don't end up like me." Those words haunted me and so I started going to a weight loss clinic over in Knoxville. The problem was, I didn't want it for myself. I was trying to do it for her. Then I became obsessed with what I would look like "skinny." I've never been "normal" sized so no matter how hard I tried to picture it I failed. The psychologist I was seeing at the time recognized that I wasn't ready and refused to okay me for surgery. It was very frustrating because I really felt as if I was doing everything right, but doing everything right without the right thought processes means nothing. Then I realized how tired I was getting of hurting all the time and how frustrating it was that I could no longer walk where I wanted to go. It finally occurred to me how much of life I was missing out on because of my weight and how short that life was going to be, and that's when I began to understand and to formulate what I really wanted out of WLS. I quit obsessing about what I would look like and accepted that I would have lots of sagging skin for the rest of my life because you just can't afford a plastic surgeon on disability. But maybe, just maybe, I would be able to walk without pain and actually enjoy life again and hold myself straight with a sense of pride.

Now I'm with another weight loss surgery clinic because medicare will not pay for the surgery unless its a center of excellence (the first clinic is still working for that credential) and I've already come further in two weeks than I ever got with the first clinic. I take that as a promising sign. I'm nervous about the psych eval that is coming, though. My original psychologist died last year so I'm having to start over from scratch with no records following me. This can be a good thing or it can be a bad thing. All I can be is honest and hope that it will be enough to gain the new psychologist's approval.

So I'm finally genuinely "here" and hoping that my life as I've known it is getting ready to change for the better. I'm looking forward to actually making new friends who know where I've been because they've been there too. I'm willing to walk the walk and not just talk the talk. I'm ready and willing to do whatever I must to achieve a miracle.

I hope everyone *****ads this is enjoying a warm and peaceful night whereever you are.

Always,

Rebecca

Rebecca,

I'm no psychiatrist but your train of though sounds dead on to me.  You'll be fine.  I wish you all the luck and success in the world and let us know how you are doing.

Colleen

The best successes in life happen when you do something for yourself because you want to and not because of someone else's.  Dream your dreams and reach for them.  To me it sounds like you are right on target with why u want to have this surgery.  Sounds like you have put alot of thoughts into this and the affects it will have on your life.  I wish you nothing but the best.  Hope to see you around more. have a good MONDAY!

Thank you, Frances. Your support, and the support of others as well, has really helped me to look to the future with more confidence and hope.I wish you the best as well!

Rebecca

I have to agree with Fran 100%!!!!

All throughout my life I have always been told " you need to lose weight " - " you need to do this or do that " - " you would be so much healthier if you would lose the weight "  - all those things and more and even with my dad having so many health issues before he passed and now I have them as well, it wasn't until I was actually ready mentally that I could even think about WLS. I am currently waiting for dates for pre-op, ivc filter placement, surgery! 

I wish you the best and we are here for you!

Teresa

Rebecca, welcome to the group.  I, like the others, agree that we have to be in the right place mentally to succeed at wls.  Sounds like you have made leaps and bounds in getting to the right place.  Know that we are here to be a sounding board, gently push you in the right direction and just plain point out when we read something that triggers alarm. 

Congrats on getting started, I feel that this is the right time for you.  Looking forward to reading many posts from you.  Let's move through this weight loss process side be side.  Hugs