Sunday morning jibber jab

I've been up since 4:30AM; it is now 9:30AM.  I have been working on cleaning up my desk and rearranging some things in the kitchen.  I lead such an exciting life! LOL!

A few months ago I bought a pair of knock offs of the new exercise shoes by Skechers.  They were truly the most comfortable pair of shoes I ever owned but my balance is getting worse and I had to give them up.  Truthfully, I have a few things going on with me physically and that along with the two white spots they found on my brain during an MRI have me pretty worried right now.  I think I may be in the very beginning stages of MS. There is a really twisted part of me that thinks the surgery was all for nothing and that I'm going to die anyway and what was the point of going through all this if I have a disease that isn't even going to allow me to live a full life.  I guess it's time to quit thinking like this and just take life as it comes.

My food intake is terrible again.  I'm not really eating alot but I have been giving into the craving for chocolate milk (and trying to lessen the feelings of guilt by buying the low fat kind).  My weight is holding steady right now and that is something I'll take.  I ordered a pair of size 12 pants that are too big; I'm going to keep them and hopefully shrink them in the wash.  On the other hand, I bought two pairs of size 10 jeans that just fit so I'm not going to put them in the dryer.  I really hate this in between thing.  I've got a 3 piece suit (jacket, pants, skirt) on order that I'm hoping I don't have to send back.  I have to replace all my biker leather; everything is way too big.  I started with new boots.  My feet didn't shrink but I have always wanted the knee high boots and now I have them.  Next is a new jacket and chaps.  Don keeps showing me all these "biker babe" leather halters he wants to get me.  I told him the only way I could wear them is post boob job.  He still says as soon as he gets his bonus I'm off to the plastic surgeon.

I am the classic impulse shopper and one thing that always ticked me off was the lack of plus size bras that didn't look like they belonged to someone's grandma.  I took my first trip to Victoria's Secret only to discover that, at least at my local store, they only carry up to 36, but you can get 38 if you order online.  I bought a size 36 at Walmart and it's a pretty tight fit but I can get into it. 

Now to totally switch gears, I am having a problem with constipation due to my pain meds.  Does anyone know if your body will stop responding normally if you take too many laxatives? I don't want to get physically "hooked" on them but if I don't take them, I have trouble.

I started taking my protein shakes again yesterday.  We found a couple of health food stores that carried brands I have never tried and they had samples of them.  I have only used one so far (chocolate fudge) but it was wonderful!  I mixed it with my chocolate milk and I couldn't even tell it was protein powder.  The brand is Iron-Tek and the other two samples I bought were Vanilla Cake and Banana Cream.  I'll make one of those when I get home from church this morning.

Well I guess that's enough babbling for me.  It really helps to just come here and write.  Maybe I should start making use of the blog feature here on the site.

I hope you all have a great day!

Colleen

(((((((((((Coleen)))))))))))

I felt you needed a hug :) As an MS sufferer for over 35 years, I just wanted to butt in here and solemnly declare that having MS is NOT the end of the world or as we jokingly say: There IS life after MS. I know it sounds scary right now, but wait first for the cofirmation and don't panic. I made more mistakes from my panic at being diagnosed than the harm that befell me from actually having the disease.
I hope you have lots of fun shopping. Go ahead and let your husband buy you the leather outfit. Hey, we only live once!
Email me if I can be of any help.
Amalia

Amalia,

You are such a sweet lady.  If I wasn't so afraid to fly I'd come and give you a hug in person!

Also thank you, Deanna for responding to my whining.  The reason I keep suspecting MS is that 1) my MD told me that the spots they found could be an indication of MS and 2) I've lost the feeling in most of my left foot, can't move my toes around anymore and I keep tripping and bending my big toe underneath my foot.  It's bruised but I don't think it's broken because I can bend it down but not up, which is the case for all the toes on my left foot. I can't even keep my left slipper on because my toes aren't working right and I'm going to buy some Isotoner type today.

Thanks to both of you ladies for listening and calming me down.  You have no idea how much I appreciate it!

Colleen

Hi Colleen.  I can't speak too much on the MS issue but I would say try not to panic before you have an actual diagnosis.  I know it's hard but it could be so many things and as much as we hate to admit it, we are not doctors.  God has a plan for all of us and all we can do is follow the path he has chosen for us.  He is in charge, not us.

Now as for the constipation issue, there I can help somewhat.  I don't know about the body stopping responding normally if you take laxatives too often.  What I would recommend, and what I personally do, is take a dose of something like Dulcolax Balance or Benefiber.  That's what my doctor recommended because they help your body do what it does naturally.  It's not actually a laxative, it's a fiber product.  Hope some of what I said helps.

Colleen, I look forward to reading your ramblings.  Love your candor.  Take the tests one at a time.  I wish I had a magic wand that could fix your balance issues.  Remember that you have worked hard and deserve all the good things that have been happening in your life.  Love to see pics of you in your new leathers.

I have been focused on my own projects over the last few weeks, and now getting back into the swing of things here at the bb group. 

Congrats on all the losing you have accomplished.  Best of luck shopping for things that fit your new figure.  Enjoy shopping for the new leather outfit.  Looking forward to giving you your hug in June.  ((((((((Hugs till June)))))))

So sorry I am just now replying to your Sunday post. Life has been a *****allenging here lately, preparing for school, and with my having some health problems.

Hang in there, and try not to get to worked up. Until you know what you have to worry about, try to just take it as easy as possible. You are in my heart and prayers and thoughts. Please try hard not to sabbotage your wls journey because of the stress you are feeling now. Even if (which I hope is NOT the case) you have MS, as Amalia said, it is not the end of life. You still will need and want to be as healthy as possible. You did not come through all of this to get it all back. No matter what your health issues, being thinner and healthier will help you get through it so much better than as an obese person.

As for constipation, miralax is another good choice, that will not cause dependance on laxatives. Anything fiber based will not cause this proble,. Long term consistant use of other forms, can.

I will be talking to you Thursday. Take good care and hang in there lady!