how did you prepare you children for your surgery? and other questions

i dont know if anyone else has special needs or high maitence children but my daughter is exceptional in many sense of the word. a normal child that has mood problems and is very high maintence at times. she is going to be 7 but acts like shes 3 or 4 years old. :( my mind and body cannot fathom how to prepare her for my surgery. ive tried talking to her about it and she gets upset thats its not about her and i wont be able to play with her the minute i get home from the hospital. i plan on having her case manager work with her on it but i wasnt sure if there was anything i could do to make things easier for her. thinking of getting her a new game for her ds and some coloring books/packing a special bag for her but cant afford lots of new things. she will only be going to see me in the hosp when they pick me up. must scurry around to find a sitter i trust for the day of surgery but am having difficulty finding sitters so i dont know. considering doing a background check and having someone watch her here for money or sending her to a daycare the days i need a sitter. i dont know that they'd watch her when i say shes not going to school that day because no one can bring her to the daycare if she goes to school. lol...... i need some feedback or ill go crazy in my own mind trying to figure everything out all by myself. she is learning empthathy, kindness, and to play by herself. its getting better and the violence has stopped 99 percent. i just don't know how to make my life easier without saying "i cant take care of u so u have to go to a daycare". hubby only works weekends about 15 -20 hours a week. i hate the idea of paying for daycare, only other option is for him to take 2-3 weeks off.

My daughter is only a bit older (8 yrs), and my surgery was on Monday.  If your husband only works weekends, why can't he bring her to school and watch her in the evenings while you're in the hospital?  I personally opted to have someone babysit my daughter at our house the first night (I'm single, so there's noone else here).  I dropped her off at school as I didn't need to be at the hospital until 10:15.  Then she walked home (we're only a mile from her school, so no school bus.  Around here at least, most elementary schools are required to bus kids that live more than 1.5 or 2 miles away).  Went about her normal routine, with her older half-sister (21) arriving at the house around 30 minutes after my daughter did, getting her dinner, and taking her to her first play rehearsal.  The next day, my daughter walked to school.  When she got home, she did her homewor****il my mom got there around an hour later, then they came to visit me in the hospital and spent the night at my mom's.  On Wednesday, I was home when she got home from school.  I would NOT have wanted to be home alone all the time this week, and was thankful each day when she got home.  I did have to arrange for rides for her to get to her activities, but I'll return those favors when I'm feeling better.

Several people suggested that what I should do is ask if she could sleep over a classmate's house for the nights I was in the hospital.  I probably would have done that if I hadn't already had something figured out, as those households would likely be the most adjusted to a normal 3rd graders schedule.

Now, my daughter is enjoying watching movies with me, and she doesn't much notice (or care) if I fall asleep during them.  I do need to cook for her, but I just fix my protein drinks (even if I'm not drinking them then I stick it in the fridge) and clean the dishes at those times, so I can stay out of the kitchen the rest of the time.  

When I had my surgery my son was 8 years old. We lived with my mom at the time so she did most of the taking care of him and making sure he got to school and al.  As for the day of surgery, Cody went to the hospital with us.  My son is a worrier and I don't dare have surgery without his being at the hospital.  He has to see me afterwards to know that I'm ok.  Cody has Asperger's Syndrome and for the longest time it was just the two of us so he sees me as his whole world (though now things have changed with his getting older and Michael being in our lives).  When I explained the surgery to him, I told him how it would help me eat less so that I could lose weight.  I wouldn't be able to play with him when I first got home cause I would be sore and tired but just think about all the things I would be able to do with him when I lost the weight.  I gave him some examples that I knew would have meaning to him like playing catch, taking him to Six Flags, etc.  I hope some of what I said helped a little.

I have 2 special needs children.. I did have a concern of should I tell my children why I am having surgery.. I decided to wait until the moment was days away.... I explained that I am needing surgery to fix mommys belly.. and its to help mommy be healthier and not so sick.. ,any questiones they had I answered best of ability, if I was not ready to answer I would ask them questions.. distraction..lol.. but sometimes its hard when no matter how you tell them, they do not understand.. or they pretend and joke it off... which my one son does.. right now my youngest is 8.. and I showed her pictured of the stomach..she loves to see everything no matter how gross.. but she accepted it better than I thought.. and to get her and my son who has autism to know I will not be ok after surgery.. was interesting.. the best thing I could do was tell them my tummy will be sick for a while and I need to let it heal..that was more understandable than anything..as kids see sick people all the time... they do not care what surgery was mainly for..but that I was still going to be there for them and be mommy.. .. my kids did not go to hospital at all, it was over hr away, and the 1st night, my oldest went home with school friend, and my daughter was with neighbor and my son with autism stayed with family.. I have 3 kids at home full time and 3 part time.. we are a blended family.. and the timing of my surgery, was when 3 of my kids was with their bio mother..so helped out too.. I hated splitting my kids up, but nobody can handle all 3 esp with my son with special needs.. he and my youngest fight extremely and I can not even let them sit next to each other at dinner.. anyways..thats another topic.... AS for your daughter, is there family who can take her, as I am sure your husband wants to be there 100%, mine was with me day and night.. I would not have it any other way.. I do not like daycares , thats me,,. but if it fits your needs.. dont let me stop you.. I prefer family or friends that I know personally.. I really wish you the best on finding a solution to your needs while in hospital.. :)

you just jogged my memory! i am starting to get in touch with her old preschool teacher who has a daughter gabbys age and grade and they go to the same school now. i will call her and get better in touch and maybe just maybe i can get her to take her. hubby has school and we live 1 1/2 to 2 hrs from the hospital so i will see him the day of surgery and discharge only. :( i dont like daycares either but if my surgery falls during summer or the recovery, then i wont have a choice because my husband goes to school days and works weekends. i really appreciate the help! not much for friends or family and people know the trouble we have had in the past with our daughter and even though she has never acted up for anyone else, we have a hard time getting anyone to take her because we make such a big deal over it and it can be pretty severe. gabby has a few friends and maybe i will get lucky there. otherwise i dont know what to do. worse case senario one comes or she comes with me. not the place for her, but she can sit with my aunt and stay away from me and whats going on.

Your welcome! lol.. glad I can be of assistance somehow :)  Wouldnt it be nice if we could get child care for whose who need it having this WLS or a group of us in the same area to babysitting for us. I would help you out if we lived closer. even if to help where your comfortable with... sorry I am too far away though.. I really feel for ya.. I know how it is to have a special needs child and bare assistance. I hope your aunt can help, 

Thanks again. you are right that would be a good idea. my daughter is a worrier too and has a unnaturally strong attachment to me. she has a mood disorder and adhd, some autistic traits that she is outgrowing, and is gifted in reading. she is a handful but we love her. i have told her some about having a boo boo for a little bit on my belly but will feel much better later. i will remind her that i will be losing weight and be playing with her. i tell her sometimes but i want to keep reminding her that mommy will just be "sick and sore" for a little bit. either 2 things will happen during recovery: she will become uncontrollable or she will be very helpful. i hope that by preparing her it will make her helpful. i will be sure to include her in grocery shopping for her meals that she and daddy will eat. i dont have a chair or recliner so i am worried about sleeping but she already told me i could use her big pillow that helps u sit up. it kind of freaks me out that this is "volunatry surgery" if youd even call it that, and to be out for the count and let other people run my family for a bit... lol. giving up control is really hard for me. im hoping to be able to spend a little bit of time each day with her even if i fall asleep during the movie or just sit at the dinner table. i dont know. taking it step by step and just hoping she can transition ok. thats the biggest problem we have for her is transitioning/routines. i hope her counselors can help us to prepare her but im not sure whats going to be going on. i will google preparing a child for parent's surgery and see if i can find anything. thanks for the help though. i definetly really appreciate it! gets me thinking.