Pretty depressed

Hello to all.

I usually like to post on here and remain upbeat and positive, but I have been keeping my hands off the keyboard because I've been so down.

We just found out that my MIL had lung cancer.  She quit smoking in 1983 but it got her anyway.  It is spread to the point where it is inoperable, they can't do radiation because she donated a kidney to a family member about 10 years ago and can only try a mild form of chemo. They are worried that it has spread to her brain.  She was fine a month ago and just fell apart the last 4 weeks.  She's confused and can't keep a train of thought.  It is very sad.  She was a very active lady, didn't let her age stop here from driving to Tennessee or Indiana from Michigan to visit relatives.  We had to take her car away from her and the doctor has already mentioned hospice. Well enoough about that.

Am I the only one that gained weight over the holidays?  I guess in the normal world 2.8 pounds isn't much but to me it's earth shattering. For the first time, I had to change my weight on my ticker and signature to reflect an increase.  I have fluctuated a pound or two but it always came off.  I have been steadily gaining .25 here and a half pound there for about a week now.  I'm trying to stay focused on the fact that I have lost 126 pounds and that's a good thing.  I only have 10 pounds to go to reach my goal and  I know that these last 10 pounds are going to be a little rougher and may not come off until I have my plastics done.

I could come up with all kinds of excuses as to why I'm gaining.  Constipation is a problem for me because of the pain medication I take.  But I can't blame PMS because I don't have periods anymore.  What I can blame is the damn sugar cookies I made for Christmas and can't stay away from (frosting in any form is a very bad thing for me, one of my food triggers).  I am trying really hard not to feel like a failure.

On the upside, I have been buying a lot of clothes and am down to a size 10 or 12 jeans and depending on the shirt or the pants a medium.  I haven't weighed 155 since I was in the fifth grade: I just turned 50 last week.

Well I guess I just needed to vent.  For anyone *****ad this, thank you.

Colleen (for some reason my ticker isn't updating.)

I am so sorry to hear about this.  I will keep you and your family in my prayers.  Cancer is a big scary disease.  Take comfort, that they have made many progresses in the treatment of cancer.  I would spend as much time as you can with her and make sure that she is comfortable, just in case. 

I few pounds gain isnt a problem. Go back to the basics now. Protein first. NO SUGAR cookies. Just protein and complex carbs.  exercise for the physical benefit, but also for the mental benefits.  Ive heard it releases hormones in our brain that will make us happier.  Make sure you are getting your fluids in.

Make sure that you do not forget to take care of yourself right now.

GOD BLESS
frances

Ohhh Colleen, I am so sorry about your MIL. My heart goes out to you and your hubby and her. Also to anyone else who will be affected by this. Please try extra hard to take good care of yourself, as I am sure the pressure you will be feeling will increase as things progress, and you need to be strong and healthy. I am just so so very sorry.

I agree with Fran...stay away from the cokies and focus on the healthier choices. I have a 5 lbs window I allow for myself, as weight can fluctuate often. But if I hit that 5 lbs up.. then I get serious on getting it off again and fast. (my weight has stabalized I believe...meaning I am at the end of my weight loss...so I keep tabs on it). I hope you can take care of you during this difficult time.

155 isn't bad at all lady! You are doing great...don't expect too much of yourself as far as weight loss. Just focus on being healthy and feeling good and not regaining.

Hugs, love and a shoulder to lean on coming your way.

Vent away... we are listening!

I am sorry your going through this with your MIL.. and to see the life she lead to be left in the memorie.. but the good thing.. she was able to live her life..to say..hey I did that.. and not  let things stop her.. I know its so heart breaking to see the sudden changes.. we had to take my MIL car from her too..and my Mother had to have her license revoked.. its so hard.. I will include her in my prayers. and you too!

Journal your foods you been eating..and look at what the change is.. you mention sugar cookies.. yum.. I love the soft ones from the store.. but I can not eat sweets... how are you able to eat them ? LOL.. if sweets is a must for you.. sounds like a emotional comfort food for you right now with all your going through.. try some sugar free things..and drink more liquids.. for constipation do suppositories or mirlax or something to get relief...

Dont feel like a failure.. get back in groove and dont let this control you.. and Happy Belated Birthday! I am sorry I did not know it was last week.. I would have sent you a greeting:)

Stay in control.. dont forget.. you got this.. you can beat this.. .. we are here for you!!

HUGGS

Thank you all so much for the love and support you have shown me today.  I feel better thanks to you wonderful ladies.  I also went shopping this morning at the Walmart I used to work at and it was awesome, watching people do a double take when they saw me and then tell me how good I looked.  I really needed that right now.  My food has been much better today so far and tonight is my traditional New Year's Eve finger food ritual.  It will be easy to keep portions small and there is a lot of protein so that's a good thing too.  I confess to a 4oz. bottle of lowfat chocolate milk when I went shopping. It tasted wonderful.  I don't drink a lot of milk these days and I miss it.

Anyway, thank you again.  I appreciate your thoughts and prayers for my MIL.  She is in God's hands and He will take her or any of us for that matter, when He is ready.  She isn't in any pain at this point so that's a blessing.

I wish you all the best New Year possible.

Colleen

Your so welcome! I am glad we can lift your spirits anyway we can. the lil things such as what your experienced this morning is a greater lift than many can buy.. the priceless moments..

Im interested in your finger food rituall. tell me more :)

The lil choc milk is better choice than sugar cookies.. and good for you to admitt and recognize and not over do it! proud of you! :)

You welcome again in regards to you MIL.. thank you for updating and knowing she is not in pain.. When GOD calls her home, let it be peaceful.

HUGGS

((((((Colleen)))))) Happy belated birthday.  Hugs and prayers to your family as they deal with your MIL illness.  Do take time each and every day to be the best you can be for yourself.  The exercise endorphins will help your mood.  The exercise will also tkae care of those few ounces that you are seeing on the scale.  In the long view of things, you are and have been doing wonderful.  Keep coming back to your buddies here for the suppport we can offer.  Cheers, with a tall glass of water, to a great 2011.  Hugs