Body Image Issue

OK... Once you've lost the weight.. how do you deal with all the "body image" issues?
Pre surgery I never expected to find a great guy that I want to "get close" to.
But now that I have.. I'm having issues with wanting to let him see my body.
Plastics is not an option for me.. way out of price range.. so I look like a deflated Michelin tireman. 

HELP!

we talk about my surgery openly, but I'm having a hard time talking to him about my body issues especially now that we are getting really close and I really care for him ALOT!
All my friends tell me that it won't  be a big deal, but they haven't seen me without my clothes! LOL!

I have to giggle at the deflated michelin tire man title... but certainly not at you feeling that way. It is hard. Very hard to deal with. We go from shame over the fat to shame over the skin...seems like a cruel joke sometimes doesn't it?

I am also one who had a tough time dealing with the skin issue, and while I had little compared to many, I did have it. AND I had no boobies left, and a really mushy butt, and I really had a hard time with that. I was fortunate in that I ws able to have plastics, but know many are not so fortunate.

One thing to keep in mind, is if this guy in your life really cares about you, he is going to be willing to accept the whole package for what it is, and I can almost bet he will not see you nearly as badly as you see yourself.. we are very very hard on ourselves. Maybe until you are comfortable enough to be that "open" you should just keep things in the dark? Then as you get comfortable, add a bit of dim lighting. Heck when I was heavy, I refused to let my hubby look at my body. I think eventually, in conversation about your wls, you will need to address these issues and see how he reacts to what you have to say. I'll bet (if he really cares about you) he will be more supportive than you think. Just explain, you need time to adjust to being more open to him (him seeing you) and ask him for patience.

Meanwhile, remind yourself of what a beautiful person you really are...and loose skin isn't what defines you. Also if you really look back in your memory, you probably look great compared to pre-wls, but are just really insecure right now, and i can't blame you. It is in our nature. Once you begin to accept yourself for how and who you are, you will be more able to trust that he can too. Do you expect perfection in him? I can bet not... and I can also bet he does not expect it in you. Not a one of us is perfect honey... but your beauty still shines through, especially to those who love you. Begin by learning to love yourself more. Accept yourself moe, then allow him to do the same for you. Bet he will if he is the real deal!

Hugs to you. I know this is very difficult for you. I truly do, But there is a cetain amount of emotional adjustment and healing that you need...we all need after all we have gone through with obesity, the loss, and the leftovers (skin). We have become masters of self degredation and we deserve to break out of that cycle. We really are our own worst judges..

Thank you so much Patrice and your right.  He does make me feel beautiful and he is not perfect.  I don't dwell on his imperfections so why would he dwell on mine..it's just that I want to look good for him.  I want him to be proud to be with me.  He makes me feel special when I am with him and he very attentive.  Like him, I'm nervous that I'm going to mess this up...LOL! 

Sweetheart... that is so normal when you really like someone, to want to make sure you don't mess things up and to want to look good for them. But I betcha he loves you and the way you look now.

You can always get some conservativeley attractive nighties and dress strategically sexy..lol. I have a very feminine night gown that is satin (or looks and feels like it anyhow) with a pretty print. It comes all the way to my ankles, yet is very feminine and hides my yucky legs. (didn't have leg work done).  Something like this may be just the thing to help you through this akward time, yet not reveal to much too soon.

I am so happy for you that you have found someone special. And I am willing to bet he is proud of you. He is with you!

You are welcome. And please, be kind to yourself.