As usual I was MIA again. But here I am!

I see that we have a lot of new members since I started college almost 6 months ago. Presurgery stuff is going great. I am in month 7 of month 9 and we go for insurance approval in feburary. I still have motivation issues exercising but i will work on that. thats my next big thing to tackle. any ideas on how to be consistent? i have lost 55 lbs since June w/o the surgery but all of it happened in the first 2-3 months, well most of it. its been bouncing something awful the past few months and i fight for it to be down when i see the dr. I made it through Thanksgiving. ate no dessert (didnt like what was offered thank goodness), and only gained a few lbs because i ate out with my cousin. I havent figured out how to eat out without gaining weight yet. but it seems that i loose and gain really easy. but i am stuck at 304 right now. My highest with Cleveland Clinic was 359 but my all time highest i hit this year was 365-370 so this is really amazing. I need to get on the vitamin bandwagon and get more protein in is what they want me to work on in my final months besides the exercise. i am down to 2 carbs at dinner, not drinking with meals, almost getting all my water in daily, and taking 20ish minutes to eat. I am really proud of myself but i know the journey is far from over. In avenue size stretch jeans i am down to a 24, can fit a 26 in most regular but stretchy jeans. my tops are down to a 22/24. my weight is ALL in my midsection. my butt is even "tiny" now! i say "tiny" because ive been bouncing around the 300s for 6 years, now 7. so its a big deal to be almost out of them. i am dying to lose the last 5 lbs but i know it might be this month or it might take months. i am just trying to eat right and do what i am not supposed to do but i am choosing to do it for me. i have slip ups sometimes but i think ive really learned how to do things. our anniversary party is next October for our 10th anniversary and i am clueless of what size dress to get. maybe i will get the dress 1 month be4 the party and order it 1 size smaller since they told me i would be having surgery late spring (april/may i assume) if everything goes as planned. I still have to get bloodwork and a ultrasound of my gall bladder done but everything else is done except finishing my last couple of months out. i am in heaven with my surgeons qualifications. he is head of the department of a center of excellence, teacher at the university for surgery classes, has done 4,000 bariatric surgeries (over that i guess they stopped counting), the overall clinics mortality rate is 3 per 1000 people whi*****ludes people bigger than me with maybe moreproblems than me. and that ASB... american society bariatric thing for America i guess its for, well he is the former president of it. I am in good hands. No more worrying about dying. I am doing this surgery for me more than anyone else. I want to live. want to fit in an airplane seat. and so many other things. my blood pressure is going now. over 140 when cleveland checks it, and when i saw the surgeon it was 188 and they didnt even say anything to me about it. insurance is fighting my cholestoral meds and dr has to write them a letter and i dont know if he will (10 bucks a pill, my mental health meds are cheaper than that!) and so im off of those meds too. I guess everything will help my case for surgery but i dont want to die before it happens. Oh, and since i live 2 hours away (during rush hour) the surgeon wants me to stay in cleveland after i am released from the hosp until my first appointment. does anyone know how long that typically is? 4 days - one and a half weeks is what im guessing?? I will quit rambling now. I missed everyone and will do my best to stay in touch. I am still working on my book and just filling in details now. It has come full circle from despair and pain to happiness and healing. I am honestly happy and accept who I am and forgive myself and others and for once i feel like i am living life. as my cousin says, with this surgery i would be unstoppable. so keep me in your thoughts and prayers that the insurance will cover the surgery. that is my number 1 concern. but its a death sentence if they dont and i try not to worry about it but its hard not to: diabetes, high cholestoral, borderline high blood pressure, PCOS, hypothyroidism, anxiety and depression, morbid obesity, and a former valve problem with my heart, and sleep apnea. its absolutely awful but i plan to enjoy my life! and i am doing it. school is going great basically straight A's with one B both quarters. next one i have accounting so that will be a bit of a challenge since i am horrid at math. but anyways, i just wanted to update the few peeps that i keep in touch with and let u know im here and all is well. even kiddo is doing better but as controversial as it is we did apply for social security because of the problems that have been going on since she was 3. if its denied then its denied. i figured i would try once and i could hire help a few times a month to help give me a little break if she got it. so things are good. marriage is great. having a blast enjoying my daughters childhood and overall doing really great myself!

It's great to hear from you! AND to hear you sounding so positive and upbeat and hopeful!

On the social security for your daughter, if it is denied, get an attorney to appeal it. They almost always deny the initial application, and with an attny on an appeal will often ok it. Your daughter deserves the benifts she should be entitled to, and you deserve the occassional help those benefits may provide to you.

Great to hear you are doing so well in school. Keep up the awesome work!

On getting in the exercise more routinely, maybe you need to use a more disciplined approach, like setting rules for yourself. Maybe set a rule that says you can not eat dinner until after you have completed a 15 or 30 minute walk. Or you cannot go to bed until you have completed the walk. Ask your daughter or husband or both to walk with you if possible. It is much more pleasant than going alone, unless you are one *****ally prefers alone time. You have to get this in place for a lifetime of success, remind yourself of this when you want to skip out on the walks or exercise. Maybe find something really fun that you look forward to doing, like water aerobics, or whatever strikes your fun fancy.

Keep up the great efforts and positive attitude.. You have come so far and will definately be unstoppable if you put your mind to it!

Big hugs to you.

thank you. we saw her dr today and he told us that she definetly has bipolar disorder. i wont say how many times shes been to the hospital but i am hoping i dont have to appeal it because i am not a fighter in some respects. things are going great. i do get sad or mad sometimes but ive learmed that i am human, have feelings, and faults but dont need to beat myself up about it. took me almost 30 years to learn that. i hope gabby learns it quicker than i did.
I am busy this week but making time to hop on here. we went grocery shopping today and to gabbys appointment. i have been having issues with my sleep spnea and a slipped disk in my neck. i see my dr tomrrow but im done with therapy now. its bedtime for gabby but i wanted to hop on here. i do like the idea of saying i have to exercise before i do xyz. witholding dinner is a good idea if we eat at 5. if we eat at 4 theres not much time for that, perhaps. i do indoor walking and exercise videos now but if we could get more financially secure i would like to do something else. i wanted a treadmill and our apartment place said NO. :( 
i will keep u updated with everything that goes on. i am a little apprehensive about surgery and having everything taken care of and vitamins started and birthdays out of the way, etc. but i am learning to give some control to my husband and accept his input. its completely changing our marriage even tho i still do 80 percent of the "work" and scheduling i suppose.
it seems like everything is going well for everyone. i am worried about making it through christmas and new years with dr appts for the clinic on the 28th of Dec and Jan 10th. i ate a little more than i should have tonight but i didnt really overdo it. my issue now and i dont know if its because im getting a virus or taking too big of portion sizes but i get a belly ache 15 minute into eating my meal. it goes away but its a pain. i got whole weat whole grain crackers, healthy pretzels, and light string cheese for snacks. i wanted some strawberries but they were 9 bucks for fresh 2 lbs. so i settled for grapes and apples slices. they suggested i try 2 protein shakes, 2 servings of fruit and a full meal for dinner and 1 snack but im not sure yet. 2 protein shakes a day starves me sometimes.

Well I am not typically a fighter either, but there are some things in this life worth fighting for. One is our improved health, and another is the best intrest of our child. So if you must, please fight to get an approval for both your surgery and your daughters SS.

Maybe when you tummy starts to bother you, it is a signal that it is time to stop eating. Our bodies only have a few ways to tell us this message and a tummy ache is one of them. If you think youwill get too hungry using the protein shakes twice a day in place of food, start with one, and not the first meal of the day. Then adjust to that and then go for the second one.

Do try to start reducing the carbs a bit, such as any sweets, pretzels and breads, and this may help reduce your hunger and cravings. Carbs trigger cravings for more carbs. Carbs = excess weight if too much or the wrong sources are taken in by us.

Glad you are handing some responsibility over to your hubby. You need the break. He needs to feel needed.
Take excellent care! Hope your neck feels better very soon.