presurgery woes and ideas

i dont need to tell u guys that surgery is scary and if i am in the miniority that dies or the percentage that has complications i want to make sure ive done all i could. so im writing letters to the 5 most important people in my life, catching my autobioography up to current, and having 2 dates with my daughter. 1 as a family and 1 for just her. were going to make build a bears that tell each other we love you basically. and get something to eat. and go to cleveland ohio to the science musem and cheesecake factory and maybe this fancy mall with fountains and a movie theatre. but i dont know what to do with ryan and me for time together alone. a christian marriage conference that might occur when im on a liquid diet?? or what, any ideas??  we dont like many of the same things and movie and dinner is fine but i want more than that. a hotel with jacuzzi too? i dunno. i need to see in his eyes that he loves me and he needs to see in mine that everything will be ok but i dont know that i can do that.
also a question about living wills. what do u they do if u dont have one and how much are they to get? i dont want a DNR UNLESS I'm in a coma for 3 months and/or a braindead vegetable. but the unless part is optinal. im just worried about making sure my little girl has a mother. sorry to be so negative. i didnt know where else to post this

Hi .. I just had my RNY done on the 6th of this month and for me it was nothing .. I m not sure if because i had my son by c-section that it was easier than that.  Not sure if you had your daughter by c-section but in comparison if they do the RnY laproscopically it is easier than that. 
While i was in the hospital i only had two doses of morphine the day of surgery and one dose the morning after.  Then after i was allowed to have something to eat they allowed me to have vicodin and i only took one that night and one the day i left the hospital.  I would say that the level of confidence that you have in your surgeon is what make it easier.  Before i had the surgery i knew that the doctor was the Chief of Surgery for the whole hospital and he had significant experience in laproscopic surgeries of all different kinds.  Do a little research on the web about your surgeon and it may ease  your mind a bit.  
As for the question about the living will .. the hospital will ask you if you have one, if you don't they will ask if you want someone to help you with making one, they have people available to guide you with this matter.

Hope this helps

Be Blessed

Jenn

my mother died suddenly when i was 17 AND i have anxiety issues. so theres a reason my mind is scared.
i had my daughter vaginally and labor wasnt awful. i had open heart surgery when i was 4-5 years old and i can remember waking up dopped up but i dont remember anythign else.
i have issues with pain but i did OK in labor, only stadol no epidural. so i dont know. but when i was little they used to have to hold me down for lab work. LOL. so ive got a complicated past which makes me more reserved and scared than the typical person. i know surgery has come a long way and isnt as dangerous but i still want to make sure all my ducks are in a row. id never forgive myself post mortum if i didn't! better safe than sorry was the model i was brought up with.

I don't recall seeing you post before this so first of all let me say "Welcome!"  Of course you are nervous, we all were.

I don't mean to sound negative about your situation but I'm curious as to whether or not you have had your psychiatric evaluation yet.  As you said, you feel you are more scared and nervous than the typical person and I'm wondering if you discussed this during your eval or with the surgeon.  I'm not sure what part of the process you are in right now, I didn't see where you posted a surgical date. I would definitely consider getting some counseling before surgery to help put your mind at ease.

Good luck and keep posting.

Colleen

I've been around since summer but when i went back to college i went MIA a bit. thank you. i passed my psych eval she just said i have to stay on meds and counseling or basically forget it. ive been having anxiety issues lately that have been worse than normal something in my med coctail needs fixed. i see the shrink next week. the psychologist in charge of my surgery knew everything about me basically and after 2 visits (because i didnt have my records and because she wanted to make sure i was still stable 2-4 months later). she cleared me for surgery. ill talk to my counselor about my fears and see if she can help me. my heart is going downhill or the anxiety is just double what it used to be, so whatevers going on with me i dont know, but the psychologist assured me by telling me to ask for anxiety meds from the anethiologist be4 surgery. every day varies. i just know that i couldnt live with myself if something did happen and i didnt take every procaution to let my family know i loved them.

Hi Sara, I know that you like to have "all your ducks in a row" and get the rows lined up perfectly straight.  That is part of your needs.  Continue to see your care providers.  As far as a living will, you can google it and a blank, generic form will pop up.  Just from reading your posts, I know that you will feel much more secure having the form filled out.  Put your wishes in writing and discuss your wants and desires with your spouse. 

You will come up with something for the two of you to enjoy.  Do your best to go into this with a positive attitude and excitement about the future.  Hundreds of thousands of us go through the surgery and have no complications.  Those that do have complications often become the loudest voices out there.  Others like myself sink into the background.  I love the results of my wls and would do this again.  Take time everyday to look into a mirror and reaffirm positive things that you are doing for yourself.  Outnumber the negatives with more and more positives.  I takes time to let the positives become your life.  You can and will get through the surgery.  Continue to live life to the best during this time of getting ready for surgery.  Hugs Sara, Kathy

Sara... It is normal to have some fear surrounding this surgery. Most complications you may face will be the same as for any surgery one may have to endure. Surgery is surgery. There are possible complications after surgery that are related to the wls, but then all surgeries have their own set of complications after as well. What you must decide is if the possible complications (which are a low percentile) are more threatening to yourlife than the obesity and all of its comorbidities. I personally felt that to continue life as an obese person posed more risk to me than the surgery and possible complications later. I guess i basically admitted to myself that my obesity was killing me slowly and I was determined to do what i could to turn that around.

As far as making sure those you love KNOW how much you love them, I don't think it requires a special date or day. It is something we should always give and show each and every day. This is how it is flet and shown most powerfully. It is great to have a special day to spend with each of them, but do take time each day to express your feelings, then there will never be any doubts. Just an extra hug and kiss and an I love you each day will go a long way. With your daughter, when she is in one of her hardest moments as far as behavior, instead of reacting to it, respond with a hug and a kiss and an I love you even if we do have hard times. You may find this was all she needed to get her through her hard time. I know it can be hard to do in the heat of the moment, but it may work a miracle too. Worth a try for sure!

meanwhile... take some time sara, to tell yourself too how much you love you. And be kind to yourself. And know I love you too.

Thanks Patrece. thats why im in here, i know my obesity will kill me if i dont have the surgery. i am just getting sick of people telling me to be careful, etc. but i have to study for a test and we're making a late dinner. but u r right but since my mom was taken from me i am paranoid about making sure people know i love them and they love me since the bipolar stuff makes me a little angry... kind of like Hulk honestly. LOL. but thank you i will remewmber to love myself and that you love me too :) now if i could just get my husband to say it. the trips/dates are more of a way for me to enjoy them and what not too. but i completely get what u mean.