Proud of myself

thanks!! i just added a part about having to take my daughter to a hospital for behavior and it makes me afraid to be judged. but i had reasons. so im saying it now, and i will post my chapter when its done. at least by the end of this coming week if not today. i am kind of freaking out as i realize that my inner struggles were birthed by my parents. i try to be as good as i can with my daughter, what if that was the best they could do.. and look how i turned out.... being a parent is the hardest thing ive ever done. but my therapists say i shouldnt worry about being a "bad" parent because if i worry about it so much then theres little chance of me being one. just needed to vent. sorry offtopic again. whats your biggest inner struggle if u dont mind me asking?

I can understand the parenting fear. My kids are raised now, but I had a terrible childhood. So.. to be sure that it would not be so for my kids, i think I went too far in the other direction and was too giving. But I'd rather that then what I lived.

My biggest innner struggle is sel acceptance and love. I was so criticized as a child It was drilled into me how terrible I was in every way. So I work very hard at learning to believe in myself and knowing I am indeed a good and worthy person.

wow, i could have written that post. my childhood wasnt totally terrible but my parents were lets say unkind. but no matter i miss my mother r.i.p. and now im left to deal with my step father on my own, the same man who said i was heavier than i am. its no wonder i have issues. but i try not to let things bother me anymore, like u said we're good people and deserve love esp from ourselves

Yep... it is within you to escape the punishment others try to inflict on you. This I have learned. Especially now as adults, we have more power than ever to distance ourselves from those who are hurtful to us. Next time that man asks you a question like that, simply tell him "thats personal and I don't feel the need to discuss it". We have to learn to not allow the negative ones to affect us. Just know that the best way to do so is to forgive it, as for some reason something is going on in them that makes them act as they do, and leave the responsibility with them.

My mother was a tough one. Made childhood quite the challenge to get through. My hubby always says, he doesn't know how I ever became the good and loving person I am. I refused to be like her. She took her life 4 years ago March. She had her issues. never intended to make my childhood what it was, she just wasn't strong enough to deal with her problems. I forgive her. But til this day I still struggle to overcome the affect she had on my life and mind.

wow. that's awful, im sorry. its easier to forgive my mom than step dad, probably because i still have to deal with him. but i was surprised i didnt get upset. i may have disliked him more than ever and thought he's so clueless, but i guess im immune to his torture now. the kitten woke up and it trying to eat cords and my feet. looks like im not going to get anymore of my book worked on. grr. i compltee agree with what youve said. takes a lot of forgiving, them and us. at least i have a ton of guilt, for things i shouldnt even feel responsible for. but i definetly distance myself from people now that im an adult and i do the same with my daughter, i wont let anyone bring her down like people did to me. sometimes i even yell at my husband because he can be so clueless but doesnt intend to cause harm.

I hear ya. We have to stand up for whats right.. period.
You are going to get through all of this. you are a smart and insightful lady!
Gotta run now and water my poor tomato plants before they get mad at me and shrivel up..lol
Have a most wonderful day!

no pop today, and i dont even miss it. got my 4 bottles of water in and even did my exercise video: 15 minutes/ 1 mile of walk away the pounds. and i tried to watch what i ate and did good til dinner, because when i plugged dinner into the nutrition tracker it said 1/2 my intake today was fat . and 37 percent was carbs, and that's before my bedtime snack which is going to be bad also. cant wait to have another CIB for breakfast tomorrow but not sure what to do about lunches. i basically eat lunch meat or pasta cans which i know is awful but she said we'll get there but she wants to change other things first. maybe since u guys are helping me with snacks she can help me with that next month. i dont know, im sure i could use a little more guidance for snacks. my big worry though is i have an aggressive 6 year old and im worried she'll hurt me after i have surgery. i guess my big thing is sending her off to grandmas house for my recovery time but after that im on my own.