Another day

I feel like I'm on the brink or this fine little edge in which I can fall either way (being on the keep eating like the past or on the other side of staying on track and making some major changes.  My mind says one thing but this old gut says another.

I hate this! I had another uncontrollable feeling to sleep this afternoon. I slept for 4 hrs.  I don't like this.  My period is still here and driving me crazy, the cramping , fatigue and down right ****ty feeling (sorry bout the language but that's what I feel like.

So I made enchiladas from scratch, chili pods and all and I know they where good.  I to prevent myself from eating invited people over to come eat them instead and invited more this morning.  Last night worked out really well.  Today was another story.  I couldn't resist and had 2 of them.  They were downright delicious and I felt sublimely guilty.  Then came the nap and daughter was out of school.  So, together we made home made Cinnamon rolls with the cream cheese from scratch.  I ate 2.  I could scream

On top of that I didn't get on line until now, got a crappy letter in the mail, and I'm gonna have to go cook dinner in a second.  I don't want to eat again and the crap that I ate today is gonna set me back.  I had already started to feel pretty good about not having carbs. I mean like not feeling so weighed down or hungry as much and then I had to go and eat.

I am not gonna eat tonight and that is finally.  If I decide that I will start over again tomorrow then tomorrow I might change my mind and say the next day and so on.  If I start again immediately then I will start on a good start tomorrow.

I am so disappointed with myself...and I missed the chat this evening.

Don't beat yourself up.  We all have great days, good days, and days we wish for a do over.  I'm not sure what the issue maybe but maybe you should start journaling how you feel and what you eat, this way you can notice any trends.  (On a side note the enchiladas sound delicious)

Lourdes

Lourdes,

Thank you so much for kind words.  I am trying.  I know I can do it because I have been doing it.  Just got a bit derailed today.  I talked to my sister and she was telling me pretty much what you just told me.  She also said that just because I had a bad day today doesn't mean I need to have one tomorrow.

I think it is time that I start a food journal.  Everyone has been saying it but I just haven't been listening.

The enchiladas were so good. I think I will look into a way to make the healthier if at all possible.  I was thinking of adding reduced fat cheddar cheese, black beans and sauteed peppers and onions instead of just a bunch of cheese because then just one enchilada can be more filling and have protein without the meat and the peppers and onions just to give more flavor and texture....hmm

Gigi, don't be getting your main exercise by trying to kick yourself in the butt.  Yes, we are human and make a bad choice here and now.  We need to tell our inner voice that "I am  a good person and deserve to be the best I can to myself".  Please start to journal your food.  I am starting today as well. 

If we make a bad choice, take a moment, take a couple deep breaths to consider, 'why am I doing this to myself right now?'  Close your eyes for a moment and just be in this moment of time.  What is your mind telling you.  Use the moment of honesty and jot down the feeling next to what you ate.  Happy, sad, lonely, afraid, depressed, anxious, scared, bored.....  bring your food log to your nutrition appointments.  New, better habits are a forming.  It takes just a few short weeks and you have a new, healthier habit.

  I always liked the lyrics from the song:  Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again!   

It is just a matter of doing it over and over until we get it right.  The more times we do it right, the better off we are.  It's a step at a time.  You have made better choices - how many of those homemade rolls would you have eaten in the past?  How many enchiladas?   The truth is NOTHING tastes as good as being thinner feels.  I'm learning that and still make mistakes and bad choices at times.  Once you have the "tool" (WLS), it makes it easier to sustain the better choices, especially at first, when you aren't hungry.  By then, hopefully, better habits are in place.   HOPE HOPE HOPE - - that is what the surgery has given me!

Best of luck - and as others have said - be kind to yourself.

Ok Gigi... you had a BAD food day. You have admitted it, you know you regret it and you have learned from it. Time to just let it go. Each time we mess up, we learn something from it. Rethink the lesson here, put it in your toolbox for later use. Now it is time to forgive your goof ups and move forward. Starting NOW! Never approach it in a "tomorrow will be better" mindset. Always approach it with the mindset of "my next choice will be a good one". Don't give yourself permission to extend the bad choices into an all day affair.

You may consider beginning to rid the cupboards and fridge of the things that are just far too tempting for you. If they are not there, you have just reduced your temptation by 80%. Remember too, as you make good and healthy choices, you are setting an excellent example for your daughter, and hopefully as she grows into a young beautiful woman, she will have these healthy habits in place, and not have the weight issues to deal with like we do.

This is HARD.. I know it is. BUT you are a strong woman! You can do this. Try to find other things to keep your mind busy, so food is not always at the forefront. And when you and your daughter decide to do another project or activity together, try to find something that doesn't include food. A craft project, a walk in the park, paint each others toe nails..

This very moment marks the beginning of a new moment and the opportunity to start with a clean slate. You can't change what already has been, but you can control what will now be.

Hugs!

gigi, sorry you are having a rough time. everybody has been giving you very good advise.  be sure and tell yourself that not only are you trying to lose some weight right now, you are also getting a mindset for what you will need to do after the surgery.  you can do this.  i know it is hard. i had an on purpose  slip when i did my presurgery diet.  it was like a fair-the-well meal.  just look at this as your fairwell meal and start all over again.  good luck to you. hang in there and all that stuff. i care. vick