Bariatric Buddy
joke
A Dog Named Sex
When I went to City Hall to renew my dog's license I told the clerk I wanted a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like one too!" Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He winked at me and said, "You must have been quite a kid."
When I got married and went on my honeymoon I took my dog with me. I told the hotel clerk I wanted a room for my wife and myself, and a special room for Sex. He said, "You don't need a special room for Sex. As long as you pay your bill, we don't care what you do." I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Funny, I have the same problem."
Well, one day I entered Sex in a contest but before the competition began the dog got loose and ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He said, "Wonderful! If you sell tickets you'll clean up!" "But you don't understand", I said. "I want to have Sex on TV." He said, "They already have that on Cable. It's no big deal any more."
Well my wife and I decided to separate, so we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said to the judge, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married." The Judge said, "The courtroom is not a confessional. Please stick to the facts." Then I told him that after I was married Sex left me. He said, "Me too."
Well last night Sex ran away again, and I spent hours looking all over for him. A cop came over to me and asked, What are you doing in this alley at four o'clock in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for Sex."
My case comes up soon.
EXPERIENCE WITHOUT REFLECTION IS HOLLOW
My Daughter is Your Reward |
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!"
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.
He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?"
The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in tha****er!"
Come visit us at the bariatric buddy group http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/bariatricbuddy/welcome
HW: 250 SW: 240 RNY 1/25/2010 CW: 119 (22lbs below goal)
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