In the Locker Room

 

---

Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball, suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head and passes the three women.

He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband," she says.

He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband either." she says, not recognizing his unit.

He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her. "Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club!"

David staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking 
buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, 
Kathleen. 

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their 
upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself 
by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily 
on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the 
landing especially painful. 

Managing not to yell, David sprung up, pulled down his pants, and 
looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and 
bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and 
began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood..

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled 
his way to bed. 

In the morning, David woke up with searing pain in both his head and 
butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room. 

She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'

David said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'

'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be 
the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of 
blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but 
mostly ...... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

 Two Ladies Talking in 
> Heaven 
>  
> 1st woman:    Hi! Wanda.
>  
> 2nd woman:   Hi! Sylvia.  How'd
> you die?
>  
> 1st woman:    I froze to death.
>  
> 2nd woman:   How horrible!
>  
> 1st woman:    It wasn't so bad.
> After I quit  shaking from the cold, I began to
> get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful
> death. What   about you?
>  
> 2nd woman:   I
>  died of a  massive heart attack. I suspected
> that my husband was cheating, so I came home early
> to catch him in the act.   But instead, I
> found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
>  
> 1st woman:    So,
> what happened?
>  
> 2nd woman:   I was so sure there was
> another woman  there somewhere that I started
> running all over the house looking. I ran up into
> the attic and searched, and down into
> the basement.  Then I went through every closet
> and checked under all the beds.  I kept this
> up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became
> so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart
> attack and died.
>  
> 1st woman:   Too bad you didn't look
> in the freezer---we'd both still
> be alive. 

Thanks for the chuckle Gilda, good one.

Two women were sitting next to  each other at a bar. After a while one
looks at the other and says, 'I can't  help but think, from listening to you,
that you're from Ireland  .

The other woman responds proudly, 'Yes, I sure  am!'

The first one says, 'So am I! And where about in Ireland are ya  from ?

The other woman answers, 'I'm from St. John's , I  am.'

The first one responds, 'So, am I!! And what street  did you live on?'

The other woman says, 'A lovely little area it was  in the west end. I
lived on Warbury Street in the old central part of  town.'

The first one says, 'Faith and it's a small  world. So did I! So did I! And
what school did ya go to?'

The other  woman answers, 'Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of 
course.'

The first one gets really excited and says,  'And so did I. Tell me, what
year did you graduate?'

The other  woman answers, 'Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964.'

The first  woman exclaims, 'The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us ! I
can hardly  believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight. Can
you believe  it, I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 me self.

About  this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down and orders a  beer.


Brian, the bartender,  walks over to Michael, shaking his head and mutters,
'It's going to be a long  night tonight.'
Michael asks, ' Why do you say that, Brian?'

Brian answers , 'The Murphy twins are drunk again.'

hehehehehehehehe

LOL.. you guys posted some cute ones today! Thanks for the giggles..