Bariatric Buddy
joke
He Had Never Seen Her Naked
A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked. One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits.
"I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I"ll remove one piece of clothing.
He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car. He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse. At 60 off came the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.
Now seeing her naked for the first time and traveling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck.
"Go to the road and get help," he said. "I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she replied.
The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her.
So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.
"My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull himout!" The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies: "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"
EXPERIENCE WITHOUT REFLECTION IS HOLLOW
A man was sick and tired
of going to work every day
while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went
through so he prayed:
'Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put
in 8 hours while my wife
merely stays at home.
I want her to know what
I go through.
So, please allow her body to
switch with mine for a day.
'
God, in his infinite wisdom,
granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough,
the man awoke as a woman...
He arose, cooked breakfast
for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked
up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank
to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put
away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced
the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box
and bathed the dog..
Then, it was already 1 P.M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,
Dust, And sweep and mop
the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up
the kids and got into an argument
with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and
got the kids organized to do
their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board
and watched TV while he
did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling
potatoes and washing
vegetables for salad,
breaded the pork chops
and snapped
fresh beans for supper.
After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids, And put
them to bed.
At 9 P.M. He was exhausted
and, though his daily chores
weren't finished, he went to
bed where he was expected to
make love, which he managed
to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke
and immediately knelt by the
bed and said: -
Lord, I don't know what
I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my
wife's being able to stay
home all day.
Please, Oh! Please,
let us trade back.. Amen!'
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
'My son, I feel you have
learned your lesson and
I will be happy to change
things back to the way
they were.
You'll just have to wait
nine months, though.
You got pregnant last night.'
of going to work every day
while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went
through so he prayed:
'Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put
in 8 hours while my wife
merely stays at home.
I want her to know what
I go through.
So, please allow her body to
switch with mine for a day.
'
God, in his infinite wisdom,
granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough,
the man awoke as a woman...
He arose, cooked breakfast
for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked
up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank
to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put
away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced
the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box
and bathed the dog..
Then, it was already 1 P.M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,
Dust, And sweep and mop
the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up
the kids and got into an argument
with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and
got the kids organized to do
their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board
and watched TV while he
did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling
potatoes and washing
vegetables for salad,
breaded the pork chops
and snapped
fresh beans for supper.
After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids, And put
them to bed.
At 9 P.M. He was exhausted
and, though his daily chores
weren't finished, he went to
bed where he was expected to
make love, which he managed
to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke
and immediately knelt by the
bed and said: -
Lord, I don't know what
I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my
wife's being able to stay
home all day.
Please, Oh! Please,
let us trade back.. Amen!'
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
'My son, I feel you have
learned your lesson and
I will be happy to change
things back to the way
they were.
You'll just have to wait
nine months, though.
You got pregnant last night.'
OH Support Group Leader
Come visit us at the bariatric buddy group http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/bariatricbuddy/welcome
Come visit us at the bariatric buddy group http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/bariatricbuddy/welcome
Ohhhh stinks to be him!
Love the never seen her naked one!
Love the never seen her naked one!
Patrece
JUST DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING!
Obesity Help Support Group Leader & Coach
http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/bariatricbuddy
Lost 114 lbs. working on getting rid of a recent 10 lb regain...and WILL succeed!
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Patrece S.
Group Leader
Kathy B.
Co- Leader