Sunbathing

Joan, the rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the frist day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs; she was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."

"What difference does it make," Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."

"Indeed," said the man, "but we would prefer you didn't lie on the dining room skylight."

Ticket Training Joke

Three Southerners and three Yankees are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Yankees each buy a train ticket and watch as the three Southerners buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a Yankee.

"Watch and you'll see," answers one of the Southerners.

They all board the train. The Yankees take their respective seats but all three Southerners cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.

He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.

The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Yankees see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Yankees decide to copy the Southerners on the return trip and save some money (being tight with money, and all that).

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Southerners don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed Yankee.

"Watch and you'll see," answers a Southerner.

When they board the train, the three Yankees cram into a restroom and the three Southerners cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the Southerners leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Yankees are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please..."