In the Locker Room

Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball, suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head and passes the three women.

He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband," she says.

He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband either." she says, not recognizing his unit.

He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her. "Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club!"

Boots

Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? 

He asked for help and she could see why.. 

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat. 

She almost cried when the little boy said, 'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.' She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool and together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet..  He then announced, 'These aren't my boots.' 

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, 'Why didn't you say so?' like she wanted to. Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said, 'They're my brother's boots. My mom made me wear 'em.'
 
Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up what grace and courage she had
left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. 

Helping him into his coat, she asked, 'Now, where are your mittens?'  

He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'