Mother testing my sanity...

I'm caught between a rock and a hard place.  My mother is against my surgery but by the same token, she's a great support.  No... she's not cheering me on but I know that she is there for me.  That being said, everytime I talk with her she says little things that test my sanity.

This morning I was sharing with her about my pre-op testing results (Urine came out with blood and bacteria and tomorrow is endoscopy).  She began talking about all of this being God's way of postponing my surgery!

First of all, my surgery hasn't been postponed... yet, but it's just so exhausting to talk with her because I fret even more! 

Yesterday, I did a second urine test and I get the results tomorrow.  If the results are the same, I don't know if that will cancel the surgery or not.  Then, my mother began scaring me about the endo tomorrow talking about, 'if they found bacteria in your urine, they'll find it in your stomach, too", and she added that I'll have to be on antibiotics for months!  Therefore, fate - God's will - will cancel my surgery and I can't fight against God!

OMG!  No, I can't fight against God! 

I know I need to calm down.  But the reason she's getting to me is because she's right.  The Gastroenterologist did say to me that if he found bacteria in my stomach that it would push back to surgery until that is treated.  So yeah, I'm concerned. 

I just want to move ahead with the surgery aleady.  I'm dying to get it over with and to move on to my new life.  I feel like all of this is pulling me backwards and I'm sinking fast.  Am I fighting against God's will? 

Back in December, I went to see my doctor and I couldn't because my referral wasn't done properly.  My mother described that as God's way of talking to me.  We're both religious but my biggest question would be, why doesn't God want me to have this surgery?  Should I just die of my diabetes, high bp, high cholesterol instead?

LOL!  Boy, I'm on a roll!  Maybe I just need a nice long bath!

Ruthie,

I'm sorry to hear that you are having a rough time right now.  It's sometimes hard to interpret the message that God is sending us.  Maybe the answer isn't "no" it could just be "not yet."

As for mom, I can only tell you how I would handle it.  Don't tell her anything.  When she questions why you have stopped sharing your status with her, very kindly explain that you aren't feeling like you are getting a lot of support and just decided to keep things to yourself.  It kind of sounds like she doesn't want you to have this surgery.

Good luck and for what it's worth, I'm behind you!

Colleen

Thank you for your support.  I agree.  The way to work with my mom is just to stay away from this topic.  She's hurtful with the things she says and she doesn't even realize it.  Or she does, and she's just trying to stop me in her own way. 

I was just texting with my husband (he was in between meetings) and in discussing this, I shared with him that I'd rather be alone in the hospital (when he's not there) because I can't take my mother doing this to me.  That reality made me cry. 

The stress of the unknown is getting to me.

Can you believe that I'm a mental health professional?  ROFL!  Well, we need support, too.  Colleen, thank you so much for being there for me.

ruthie, colleen had a good idea about not yet. i go a step further. didn't god give us free will and the brains to study to invent the medical things we need and to study to be good doctors?  so my take is this. god is looking out for u. no going into surgery unless you are in good shape. that is only logical as well. doesn't mean there is a nix on the surgery, just to get well before you do to avoid complications. if u believe god is love, well here is proof.  he wants you to be healthy enough for the surgery. he also gave man the brain power to invent the gastric bypass for thoses of us who need it to survive.  so be patient. put one foot in front of the other, do the next right  action.  then when everything in you is as healthy as could  go for it.  i don't take it as god tryin to keepu from having surgeries.  this is simply using natures or god's gifts as wisely as possible. good luck to you girl. i agree with keeping your mom at an arm's length on this. vick

Thanks for the pearls of wisdom! 

Of course, you are right about it having to be the right time.  I'm not giving up hope that I will have surgery on the date scheduled.  I want to be as healthy as possible for the surgery and I want to have a safe procedure.  And how can I not trust God? 

Hopefully, I will have the results of the endo by the end of this week and I'll know for certain if the surgery is on or off.  That' will go a long way in comforting me. 

Yes, mom is now at arms length.  God, I need strength with that as well!

I had a UTI right before my first surgery date, it was postponed for 2 weeks. I was so disappointed, but I figured it was God just saying he wanted me to be a little more healthier and ready for the surgery. My husband was the same way as you mother, he supported me, but didn't want me to go through with the surgery. I am sure your mom is just worried as my husband was, but this is your life and obviously you need to be more healthy otherwise you would not be here. I had no medical problems, but who could say from a year from now I wouldn't. So I was killing myself more then the surgery could. She will come around after surgery. My husband took the time on Valentines to look up what would be a good post-op breakfast in bed for me. I now have to hear him asking me all the time "are you getting your protein in!" Once you come out of surgery safely and hopefully she will understand the reason for your choice, she will realize God had this planned for you. Good luck and healthier and happier days ahead!!

I'm so happy that your husband came around and is supportive.  My husband has as well.  My mother though... LOL!  Well, she loves me but she just tends to send me little jabs here and there instead of just being quiet and letting me live my life.  It's  not like I'm drinking and drugging!  LOL!  Thanks for your comment.  Good luck with your WLS success. 

Ruthie, isn't it amazing how those closest to us know just what buttons of ours to push. You are a smart woman, did your research, working your way through the pre op hoops that insurance and the surgeon set before us to ensyre the best possible outcome.

I agree with the other poster's, mom needs to stay at arm's length and you need to stand up for your needs. Surround yourself with the best possible support. You can count on me for positive support. If you need another week or two to be in the best possible condition for surgery, then that is to be. Come back and vent any old time. Do not let anyone undermine what you know is best.

Take the time to pamper yourself, the long soak sounds like a bit of heaven. Keep up your spirits, knowing that you are doing what is best for your longterm health. Hugs

Kathy:
Your support and encouragement mean the world to me.  You know exactly what to say and I want you to know that I appreciate you.  Thank you so very much!

Just a quick note to let you all know that I have had my Endoscopy this morning and all went very well!  I am so thankful for each and every one of you.  Your support and encouragement mean the world to me.