Nervous

Okay, my name is Bob.  I am 43 yrs old live in Pickerington, Ohio and have 2 kids, 15 and 5 and a wonderful wife of 11 years, married for 9.  I have NEVER had a surgery before and am obviously terrified at this point.  I have my initial consult with the surgeon on 2/26/10 and after that, all I wait on is the surgery date.  I have always preached to my family that fear of the unknown is the biggest fear.  Coming in at a close 2nd is the loss of control.  That's why most people are afraid of flying - no control of their lives.

I have complete confidence in the surgeon.  He did my wife's surgery last year and she has lost over 120 lbs.  She looks great!  I think my biggest fear at this point is the actual steps of being put under.  I hear of horror stories of people waking up during, not being under deep enough and of course, the scariest, not waking up.

Of course when you are afraid of something, you scramble to find all kinds of alternatives and excuses.  "Maybe I can really work at it now and avoid the surgery", etc.  I have been battling my weight since I was about 21.  The truth of the matter is, if I could do it, I would have by now.  I know I need to do this, but it still doesn't remove the fear.  

I'm sure others have experienced this and I am looking for friends to help me through it.  Does anyone have any advice?

thanks 
bob

Oh, Bob!  You are so honest.  I like that.

Not for the weight loss surgery, but for a previous surgery some years ago - my first operation - I felt the same way.   It would do me no good to point out to you that those things you mention are so rare, it's a chance of slim to none any of that would happen.  Because your fear is real, doesn't have to be rational.  You point out people are afraid of flying - but millions do it every day.  If you thought about all the things that happen when a pedestrian i**** by a car, would you ever cross the street again???  Fear is a strange and powerful emotion and can block us from doing things we really want to do.

Not much help, I suppose, but just to encourage you to stop focusing on the negatives and start to live in the positives!  Good luck.

 Thanks, Mary.  You bring up valid points and a direction i need to redirect my thoughts toward.  Thank you.  I'm getting the RNY by the way.  Tell me, do you miss anything after the surgery?  There are foods that I crave now that I'm afraid I'll crave more afterward just because I can't have them.  How was the recovery?    I guess I'm trying to get more of that information to build on.  I am currently about 350 and hope to make at least 200.  180 Would make me ecstatic but I don't know how real that is.  I have a closet full of clothes from years gone by that I will get back in to!  There's a positive. :)

Hello Bob!

My fears were similar to yours. It was too much for me to think about and I decided that I just had to turn it over to God and believe that He would take care of me.

I was still anxious, but I felt incredibly calm and at peace on the day of my surgery.  I had confidence in my medical team and I knew that I would find a way to deal with whatever came my way.  And I kept my eye on the prize.   

My 5 month surgiversary is on Sunday and I feel fantastic!  I'm sure you know that WLS is a tool - not the cure all for obesity.  You will have to take one day at a time, stay focused, adhere to the diet, and get your body moving - but it is SOOOO worth it!  I would do it all over again - I am worth it!

I wish you all the very best, Bob!  I look forward the reading about your experiences and successes!

Kid Krazed Kim

Good afternoon Bob.  Weocome to this grand group, so glad to have you as a member of this evrgrowing family.

Folks will tell you all the possible "horror stories", take them with the grain of salt that is intended.  Hundreds of people go through surgery everyday, if those few 'stories' happened, there would be news flashes of the tragedy.   I work in health care myself, had the RNY and went through all the emotions that everyone else does.  I would do the surgery over in a heartbeat, getting the results is worth the risk.  Dying of obesity is risky too.

Our minds do interesting things for self preservation.  They give us fear, joy, anticipation, regret, the ability to carry on the bad habits that lead to our obesity in the first place.  Have yourself make a list, include the benefits and risks of having surgery and not having surgery.  Use that list to help you with decisions.  when your mind needs a pick me up, refer back to the lists.  When you are done with the surgery and losing, look back on the list as triumph.  I did it.  You control your mind.  The surgery is a tool, done to make your stomach smaller, the mind is the hard part. We continue to need to attend to our minds on a day to day basis afterwards.

I think I rambled off on a tangent.  If you need help, I am here to offer support.  Ask lots of questions, share with others, group support is the best.

Hello Bob! Welcome :)
I had many of the same fears you do, especially regarding the ansthesia. I have had 2 surgeries before and both times I had a very hard time waking up. The second time I truly believed I was dying. That made me decide on local anesthesia on my 3rd surgery, which was to insert a metal splint on my broken wrist. I fought with the doctors and they finally consented. I regretted having insisted halfway through the procedure!! When I went for WLS, I knew I had no choice. It was total anesthesia or nothing. I put my life in the hands of my anesthesiologist and although I did wake up screaming that I couldn't breathe, I did wake up, and the operation had gone fine.
A good talk with your anesthesiologist before hand, confessing your fears, will make him handle you extra carefully I believe. None of the doctors want to see a patient suffer unnecessarily (except the jerk who couldn't find my vein! LOL) and they will go out of their way to help the operation go smoothly. Trust that they know what they are doing and you will be fine.

Hi Bob. I am 1 week out from surgery today and it was my first surgery ever also. I too had heard horror stories of people waking up during surgery (any surgery) but like others said, those kind of things do happen but they are so very rare. My husband was the one terrified of me being put under and not waking up.We have to overcome those fears or we will be unable to ever do anything to help us change. I had finally reached the point of knowing that I could not lose weight and keep it off on my own!Your most important statement  is when you say you have complete confidence in the surgeon. To me, that is one of the most important factors. Knowing you are in good, experienced hands is worth a lot. You have been there with your wife thru her journey and you have seen what she has gone thru to get this far. Knowing all that should help you on YOUR journey! We are all here to support each other and will be happy to help you on your journey, whatever you decide to do!

Rhonda

Hi Bob and welcome to the group.

What got me through my fears was asking myself if I was more afraid of not waking up at all or dying of complications from diabetes, high blood pressure, etc.  I decided the risk was worth it.

This is really a great group of people here and we are all here to support one another.  I'm glad you found us.

Colleen

 I'm glad I found this group and all of you, too.  It is nice to know my fears are not unique and it is reassuring to hear that there ARE ways of dealing with them.  

To all of you:  Thanks

Bob

Bob, welcome to the family. fear is a real paing in the keister.  it can stop u from doing things that can actually save your life.  but i had a friend who used to talk about walking through the fear.  afraid or not, just do it.  thing will be ok.  i'm glad you decided to pick us as your support group. this is a pretty special set of people.  now you can help support us also. thanks once again. vick