lmao- a little off color joke

A young man has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough money to go to the motorcycle dealer. After picking out the perfect bike the dealer asks if he would like extra chrome protection added to the bill. The young man is upset because he cannot afford that and is now afraid that the chrome will rust as soon as it gets wet. The dealer tells him not to worry, that there is an old biker trick which will keep the chrome like new. All he has to do is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put in on the chrome before it rains. The young man happily pays for the bike and leaves.

A few months later the young man meets a woman and falls in love. She asks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner. He readily agrees and the date is set.

At the appointed time he picks her up on his Harley and they ride to her parents' house. Before they go in she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes. After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long fifteen minutes the young man decides to speed things up so he reaches over and kiss the woman in front of her family.

And no one says a word...!!!

Next he decides to take a more direct approach so he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone.

And no one says a word...!!!!

Now is he getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws her on her table. They have even wilder sex. And no one says a word...!!!!

By now he is getting very worried and is wondering what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance. His first thought is to protect the chrome on his Harley, so he reaches in his pocket and pulls out his Vaseline.

And the father says, "Okay dammit I'll do the dishes!"

Back to list of favorites.

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you.  This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine. 

Dear Diary, 
For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football 
cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to 
keep a diary to chart my progress. 

MONDAY: 
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.   I  enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!! 

TUESDAY: 
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.  Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the 
full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!   It's a whole new life for me. 

WEDNESDAY: 
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both  pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?  Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too. 

THURSDAY: 
Butthole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes. He took me to work out  with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank. 

FRIDAY: 
I hate that jackass Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I  could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? 

SATURDAY: 
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather  Channel.

SUNDAY: 
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a  hysterectomy.  I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Ohhh my sense of humor must be baaaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddd because i just LOVE this joke Vick...hehehehe

And oh yes.. I can see where that man could get meaner and uglier every day Kathy..lol