Relationships and Surgery Update...

Hello All,

Happy 2010!!!
Im sorry I have not written in so long but I have had some major changes in my life but it is all a BLESSING. I got my mind made up and I WILL be doing the DS Surgery this year March. I am nervous and scared at the same time. I do still LOVE MY BODY!!! CURVES AND ALL. But this Hernia is killing me and I REFUSE to live in PAIN!!! so I got all post op Tests done and all other test will be finished in the next couple of weeks.
I have a delimma, the person I am in a relationship with is having a bit of a problem with my decision. He feels that I am beautiful the way I am and does not want me to change. well Change Again.  as you all know I came from beyond 700 to 338 now and I am gonna loose another 150-200 pounds. I understand his side and he understands mine but we cant come to a decision that will please him and get me OUT OF PAIN. Ilove him with allmy heart but I just REFUSE to live in PAIN any longer and I Refuse to pop pain pills just to get the heck out of bed. Im just asking for some notes on ideas about a possiable agreement. because i cant see one at all. He loves my new body as do I but I just dont like the Pain. So any suggestions because after talking to a Million doctors the DS is the only Surgery that will allow me to lose enough weight for the Hernisa to be repaired and Never return.
Any and ALL Positive Comments are WELCOMED!!!
Thanks
Modesty

Hi Modesty,

First of all CONGRATULATIONS on the 350+ pounds of loss, I was unaware of that part of your life.  Wow to the nnnnnnth degree.    I understand you want to continue with the loss and improving your health.  Leaving constant pain in the past is a good reason to do something.  I also understand the fear, uncertainness of your current love.  We all fear the unknown.  You do/did the research and know what you need to do.  Thanks for sharing your thoughts today.  I am here to support your decisions.  Love to see photos of your success to this point.  Let me know when you have a specific date, I will add you to my prayers for the week.  Hugs, Kathy

Understand that the two of you may never see eye to eye on this. If you were heavy when the two of you met, he probably liked haing you that way. Also remember that many of the partners of wls patients can feel threatened by our weight loss. They fear we will look for someone better, or they will have more competition. It can be hard for them to see our wls for what it really is, as they become so insecure with thier "thoughts" on what may happen later. Sometimes we have to be very patient and reassure them over and over. We have to stress to them that this is about us and not them. That we are doing this for our health, not to become a woman that is sought after.
Best I can say here is to just let him know how very special he is to you. how deeply you love him, and that you know he loves you too, and that because he does, he needs to support you because this is something you have to do to live life more comfortably. Knowing he loves you, you KNOW he wouldn't want to have you hurting unnecessarily. He is in panic mode. just help sooth him and calm him and reassure him. He'll come around most likely.
BUT also make sure you don't allow him to put you in a place of having to defend yourself all the time. If it gets or stays bad, maybe this is a subject you will have to refuse to discuss with him, once you have made a reasonable attempt to comfort him and let him know how much you love him and that this is about your health and comfort.
Wishing you the best of luck.

 modesty, boy are u in a pickle. my husband is now concerned that i will find someone else. it is totally unreasonable, but there it is.  i can sort of see where your boyfriend is coming from. however, pain is pain and health is health.  you do what you need to do for you and be willing to live with the consequences. there might be some. i know that is a scary thought, but there it is.  congrats on your weight loss so far, that is wonderbar.  hang in there. vick

You have come so far already! I think your heart knows what the answer is - you have to follow thru and complete what you started so that you can live a life feeling happy and without pain. I can definitly empathize with his feelings, but if he loves you so much, he will ultimately want you to be happy and pain free. My husband was completely against it in the beginning but I made him understand that this is not so I can strut around in a bikini and turn heads, but so I can live and be comfortable in my own body and so that he doesn't end up having to take care of me the way we had to take care of my father after diabetes ravaged his poor body! He is still nervous and afraid that I could have complications or die from the surgery, but he knows how very important this is to me, and how terrified I am of ending up like my father and stepmother. He has always loved me and found me attractive no matter what my size, and I know that there is some anxiety about me looking so different down the road. I just reassure him that I love him so much and that will not change no matter what my weight is. Good luck with everything!

Rhonda