to tell or not to tell, that is the question

Hi all,
I am having the RNY on Jan 11th. I have told my husband (maybe an obvious one, lol), my best friend in England (I am from UK originally). I have told my sister, who in turn will tell our family and friends, which does not worry me. I have not told other people here in the US though, apart from one friend.

However, when I saw my psychiatrist for my clearance, she was very concerned that I wouldn't be telling everyone I know, . I just feel it is my business and I am not close to many people here in the US. She said the rapid weight loss will be so noticeable, that I should tell people, even moms at the school who may ask about my weight loss.

What did everyone else do? I am just wondering how everyone coped with the questions.

thank you,
Becky

  I have told all my family and friends, and they are as excited as I am about it. Also have told some people I dont know that well, and I can tell they are curious to see the outcome.
  I have had no negative input about my decision except from my mom, but now that she sees I am serious, she is giving in to all the changes I have been making already. I live with her so some of the changes are affecting her, like in the cooking of meals. She dont complain much anymore.
  And all my doctors as well as psych doctor and therapist know.
  If I were you I would tell it to all you at least know or will be around in the next year. But it is all up to you.

hey linda, long time no see. how are you doing?  have u got a date yet?  miss all your input and personal messages. love ya, vick

becky, it is a very personal decision and is up to you. me, i tell everybody, hope it  will help somebody else. vick

Thanks every-one for the advice and taking the time to reply. I am still unsure, maybe I will tell people if and when they ask questions.

Becky,
We are all different. This is a very personal decision and you have the right to keep it that way if you so choose.
I am not afraid to share it with anyone that may ask, as like linda, I believe it may give hope to others struggling with obesity. But when people ask, I always make a point of letting them that this is not just the easy way out. It takes a lot of work, discipline and effort. It also involves some risks as well.
I know one gal, who just doesn't feel she wants to share it with others. thats okay too. When others asked her how she was losing the weight, she said a strict diet, exercise and self care plan. Which is all true, just omitted the part of surgery.

So..it is all up to you on how you choose to handle it. Just know that you should not ever feel shame about having this surgery. It takes courage and stregnth to do this and thats a wonderful thing.
Hugs!
Patrece

Everyone is different, and will have different approaches to the topic. My mother told my brother and I as she got further into the process, because she was worried how I would react. (At the time, she had reason to, I was clueless and scared and wasn't very kind about it) She also told a few co-workers as it got closer so her abscence wouldn't cause stress or worry.

Myself, I tell anyone and everyone. I guess the more I talk about it, the more I take away the "shame" of it. I have noticed a lot of people has misconceptions of what bypass surgery is, and when I tell them I am having it I answer all of their questions that I can. I have gotten the "isn't that the easy way out?" question, but once I describe what the surgery is, they quickly realize there is nothing easy about it. My co-workers are all in support of me. They would take soda away from me if they saw me with it, they helped me find the right protein shakes, and before I left work last week they all wished me well and made a schedule of when they would come see me. I found it liberating to talk about it, and embrace it.

Just my experience though, I know it can be a tough thing for some and I wouldn't blame you if you kept it to yourself unless asked.



~*Crystal*~

Hi Becky, I agree with the others.  Who to tell is a personal choice.  I have shared with a few family members, there are several family members who do there best to make any situation bad, I elected to not tell them.  I want to have positive support.  Those I work closely with know and support me.  They have watched the pre-op diet, changes in my exercise habits and offer positive reinforcement.  Now, I have a sister that is not supportive and I chose to keep her in the dark about my decisions.  If she asks what I have been doing to lose the weight, I will share, when the time is right.  Now that I have lost significant weight, others are noticing and asking, I share what I have done to improve my health and share that this is not the 'easy way out'.  I like to share that there are things that one can choose to do to improve health.  My little soapbox at times.  Take care of yourself and chose what is best for you.  Hugs, Kathy

I have told my close friends and family. As far as anyone else such as my daughter's teachers I have said I am getting surgery and thats it. If they were to ask me what kind of surgery, then I tell them. It really is up to you who you want to tell.