I Did It!

I have missed joining my husband at his company Christmas party the last two years. I have been keeping to myself at home as much as possible because of my self esteem issues due to weight . I hardly went out of the house except to see family a few times in over two years.

Since I healed from surgery I can walk further and breathe easier while walking. I have been to the Renaissance Festival, shopping twice at a large bazaar over the Thanksgiving holiday, shopping several times for groceries etc. (which DH had taken over doing). Doing these things may seem simple to some, but I am just so elated and excited to be living again.

Last year I got dressed and ready for DH's party and felt so horrible about what I had done to myself I couldn't make myself go. I stayed home. Then the guilt set in for making my husband go alone without his wife to share it with.

Tonight I put on my make up and got dressed and ready, a bit nervous, but very happy. I focused on getting the job done. I forced myself to ignore thoughts about how I felt about DH's company party. I felt a bit nauseated as I started to get dressed, then made a note to self to "quit it!". I was shaking a bit as I put on my lipstick.

When we arrived at the event I found, to my shock, that I was ok. I felt good about what I have done to get myself where I am today. I even felt pretty good about how I looked. I may be at about the weight I was when his close co-workers saw me last, but I feel so much better. I'm in a much better place mentally. Physically... I'll get there.

DH was so very supportive, as usual. He looked great too. We spoiled him with a nice slimming suit from the Men's Warehouse this week. He hadn't gotten a new suit since our wedding, about four years ago, so it was time. He looked so happy. It was obvious he was happy I was going with him. His company has grown by leaps and bounds. Met so many people. (And I wasn't constantly worrying about what everyone thought about my butt being so damn big.) DH was recognized for 20 years of service and got his 20 year pin. We even danced.

So, Patrece, in answer to your note to us all to be nicer to ourselves... I did it! And what a great night I had because I was able to be happy to be me for a change! It was very nice of you to remind us all that we should be kinder to ourselves. I didn't read your note until I got home, but I am my own worst critic and your message was inspiring. Thank you!

Wow for you Michelle,  and a great big WOW if was.  So glad that you allowed the positive changes you are making to show.  Now let's see what else you new self esteem has in store for you.  Keep up the positive attitude girl.  You are growing by leaps and bounds in the self esteem category.

Looking gorward to seeing more of your posts, you write so well.  Keep it up Michelle.  Hugs, Kathy

Thanks Kathy. I was profoundly excited and amazed at how my life is changing when we came home. I just had to share.

Hope your holidays are filled with love and lots of WOW!s [Hugs back] - Michelle

Congrats Michelle!!! I know how you have felt. I would go out but would were the baggiest clothes to hide my weight, But last night a rock group came to the casino I used to work at and my hubby and friends went to see them well I put on a 22 Levi (have been wearing a 30) and I wore a 18[20 tight forming shirt man it felt good to walk in and have friends tell my I look like skinny minni. I had so much fun, my hubby was smiling the whole time which made me feel great. Keep up the great work and great things will keep happening.

Thanks. And WOW! Way to go! Isn't it an amazing feeling?

The outfit I bought was a 5X. It's just what I had been used to ordering so that's what I picked up first to try on. I thought it looked pretty good, at least it fit. I didn't even try a smaller size. I noticed it was a bit loose when I tried it on to see what my mom thought about it when we left the store. Then when I got dressed for the party I realized it was probably 2-3 sizes too big. Looks like I have to learn how to pick out clothes that fit me properly again.

Thanks for the response. Congratulations!

Good for you too, Michelle! I can't wait to follow in both your footsteps!

Rhonda

Michelle,

That is terrific!  I really needed to hear your story; thank you for sharing.  There is an organization that I used to be very active with but haven't participated with in several years because I just don't want anybody to see me right now.  I am currently about 25 pounds heavier than the last time I attended.

You have helped to give me some courage; maybe I'll get back to going there soon.

Colleen

Thank you for your response Colleen. I understand how you feel.

I had removed myself from so much in my life. There were a couple organizations my husband and I were involved in as well that I set aside until I could face my self image in other's eyes. The same with friends and family. I didn't want to join in for any activities because of those debilitating thoughts of my low self esteem had taken hold of me.

Yesterday we stopped by my father and step mother's to visit for a bit in between holiday shopping. My step sister and her family and my brother just happened to be there at the same time. They were shocked at how I've changed already and I could see in their eyes how happy they were for me. They were there as I struggled with this as a child and felt my pain. I've kept myself isolated even from those that I love because of my fears and low self esteem. I guess I started to let those horrible old feelings go this weekend.

You can do it Colleen. We've made the first, most difficult steps. It's time to let the love and life back in now. Best of luck to you.

Michelle (H)  Good for you girl! I am so proud of you. I know it wasn't an easy step to take. BUT you took it and it turned out wonderful and you will grow and gain more confidence from it. What a powerful WIN for you!  We are all our own worst critics.. thats what makes things so tough on us. That is also why we must learn to stop abusing ourselves like this! You took a wonderful big leap in the right direction and I am not only sooo happy for you, but very proud of the effort I know it took emotionally to walk in there. Great job!

Michelle (the other michelle) LOL. You too had a wonderful WIN. I am so glad that you shared it with us. You gals sharing your stories of stepping outside of yourselves to live and "BE" your true selves is an inspiration and encourager for so many of us here that read what you share.  I could tell that the smile on your hubby's face meant the world to you too. I'll bet he felt so proud and happy for you! I am too!

Colleen... The time to get back to being involved is here sweety! Taking that first step to do so is always the hardest.. Once you take it though, it will serve in such a powerful and moving way to continue to encourage you to know you are wonderful just as you are, and getting better every day!

I had my day ladies.. where I felt like you all. Look at my photo page.. I knew i was big.. but had NO clue how big until i looked at those photo's, which were taken just months before my surgery. It took all I had to go on that trip. But my daughter paid for it for us, and how could I not go? Had i seen myself in a pic right before going, I may have been creative in finding a way out of it..lol. And it was already hard to go..
I celebrate your victories with you! I am proud of you all! Keep taking a step forward! You are all so worth it! You gals are shining!
Hugs!

Thanks Patrece. You're right, it's a first step and it's going to snowball from here. I realized that after seeing my father and other family members yesterday for the first time since my surgery. Then spending an hour and a half walking around a store. Actually shopping again? Walking around that long without my body aching all over? Not rushing in to get the one or two items I absolutely need and rushing back to sit in my car before I get worn out (without being able to catch my breath)?

Congratulations on your first steps and all that you have accomplished. You look wonderful. Thanks for sticking around and being an inspiration to us newbs.