I'm new to this group

Hi~
Thank you Kathy B. for your welcome.
I've struggled with weight since my teens. I've done every diet, read every book, had  some short lasting successes but more failures. I see Dr. Schoen at University Hospital in Denver in a couple of weeks. I've been thinking about WLS for a long time. I know people that have done well with the different surgeries but I know a few that have gained all their weight back. 
I feel afraid and very ashamed that I can't do this without doing something that seems so radical.
Any encouragment would be very appreciated.
I'm glad to be a part of this group.
Annie

Hi Annie!  Welcome to the group.  :)  You sound a lot like me...every diet, every book, more failures than successes, the shame, the fear.  I think this is pretty typical, to be honest.

I realized pretty early in this process that the surgery itself was going to be an amazing tool to help me lose weight, but that IT wasn't going to be the reason I lost the weight...I was.  And in order to help ME make the tool work, I had to put as much attention on my THOUGHTS and EMOTIONS as I was doing with the surgery on my physical self.  I can't tell you how many times I have read on these boards the joking comment -- but one with a lot of truth to it -- how great it would be if the surgery could be done on our minds, too, to rid us of all the negative self-talk and the limiting beliefs that linger from our former ways.  

So, I am (note the present tense) working on riding myself of the fear and replacing it with the faith that I am worth all of the hard work this will entail and that I will make the best possible choices all along the way.  The shame for me is a little harder.  I have been ashamed of my weight all of my life.  I am successful in my career, have a rock solid relationship with my husband of 23 years, am active in the community, have such amazing friends...and still I feel like my weight is my greatest failure and somehow it defines me.  And the health problems I've developed due to the weight add enormously to that shame...I can't even talk about the diabetes or high blood pressure or pain in my joints to anyone (other than my husband) because of the shame I feel in doing that to myself.  Where I am now with the shame, now that I am 10 days post-op, is that I have nothing to be ashamed about BECAUSE of this surgery.  I am taking the steps I need to take to reclaim my strong, powerful, healthy self...I am refusing to let the weight and the shame define me anymore. Is this the surgery per se that is letting me do this??  Not 100%.  It is the work on my attitude, replacing the negative self-talk with positive self-talk, replacing the limiting beliefs with empowering beliefs....it's the mind work.

And that work is just as much a daily part of this process as is measuring out how much liquid I am drinking or remembering to take my vitamins.

So, my friend, what encouragement or suggestion could I give you??  Don't forget to attend to your mental and emotional needs now as you are attending to your physical.  Joining an online support group like this, for me, was a huge step and I hope for you it will prove to be as helpful as it has for me.  Talk about about your fears, about your concerns, about your shame here on the boards.  It is liberating, I tell you!!  And anything else you can to to vocalize what you are feeling and learn ways to replace negative self-talk with positive self-talk is as big an investment in your weight loss success as will be the surgery itself.

I wish you ALL the best!  And if there is anything I can do to support you on your journey, please let me know!!

Be well!

Guayas

Thank you for your kind words and encouragment. I'm so glad I don't have to do this journey alone.

 Guayas - sounds like you've borrowed my purple angel!  :)  I love what you wrote - couldn't have said any of it better myself.  And I soooo understand what you mean by shame.  It's a good thing there are angels among us!  

Annie, there are some fantastic people here who will listen if you need to vent.  Many of the people in this particular group also happen to be nurses, so the wealth of information is immense.  You can bet that we have all felt like you do at some point.  But while some may call the surgery "radical", I call it NECESSARY.  We all know people who can gain and lose weight as easily as they change underwear.  For us though, it's not so easy.  Maybe it's willpower, maybe it's body composition, maybe it's genetics, environment, whatever.  I have gone from feeling ashamed to being grateful that this tool even exists.  I hope to have my surgery in February, and I can't wait to finally have a powerful tool to use to help me live a healthier, longer, and more vital life - because some days right now I feel like I do nothing more than take up space!

Read.  Read read read these boards.  I have found answers to questions I didn't even know I should ask just by hanging out here!

Welcome.  Hang on, it's a wild wonderful ride - and I've just barely started!

Hi!
and welcome.  I know the decision for WLS is not an easy one. When I first made up my mind to have begin the process I cried for days on end. Why? Because I was admitting I could not do this by myself. I needed something more than "diets".

And... admitting that I needed to get "radical" (other peoples word's) was difficult.

Now that I have started my journey and am 3 months away from surgery, I know it is the best decision I could have ever made.

Somedays I couldn't wait for the day to end so I could get off my feet.  Laying in my bed was absolute pleasure.... yep... pleasure.. than I "woke up" did I want to end up in bed for the rest of my life? Was doing what felt good the best for me? NOPE!! I had to get my fat A** out of bed and MOVE!

Now everday is day closer to the new me.. Failure? Yes I was afraid (note WAS)...
But believe in the process and look at those who have made it. Pull strength from the people here, listen to your dr. and all will be well.

Another tip... No question is private, to humiliating, to stupid... believe me, I have asked some outrageous questions

Good Journey to you!

 

Hello Annie, So glad to see you start chatting with the group.  These gals have given you good advice.  There are a few men that are members of the bariatric buddies group, still waiting to see them emerge and give themselves a voice on the group page. 

The mental part is the part that we each as individuals are working on.  The surgery gives us a tool to limit portion size.  While our bodies lose due to that, out minds have time to adjust to the new life.  The proper food selection, portion choices, exercise, fluids, supplements reminders.  I also go to a local support group.  It meets once a month, I need support more often than every 4 weeks, OH provides the day to day support I need and crave.

As written above, no question is beyond being asked.  We (I) flunked mind reading, telepathy, etc.  Feel free to ask away, the group will do their best to provide answers based on personal experience.  I too struggled with weight issues life long,  I am 10 weeks out from surgery and getting my life back, the life I had when I was younger and a lot smaller. I find that I love to go to the gym and exercise, still exploring different options at the gym.  I get my "high" from the endorphins released from exercise.

Again, welcome, come back daily and see what is on everyone's mind.  Hugs, Kathy

I feel very welcomed~ Thank you for your encouragement. I am so glad to have found this group.

Welcome to The Group Annie... Glad to have you.
Never any need to feel ashamed or embarrassed here with the group. If you need something just ask, it doesnt even matter if it is not related to WLS, you will get advice and opinions from many points.
I am still pre-op, and just starting some of the changes in everyday life that will be necessesary for the rest of my life.
These small changes I have made has helped me to lose 21 pounds in the last three months, and are getting my body and mind adjusted to eating healthy and more like I am supposed to, instead of snacking all day and eating a big supper.
My next accomplishment will be getting used to eating breakfast every morning, instead of just having coffee and a yogurt.
Breakfast is supposed to be the most important meal of the day, and is what gives you your jump start, so there are more adjustments for me to make.
I am looking forward to my journey, and hope you are too.
I look forward to sharing with all my friends here, the good as well as the bad as it unfolds before me.
If you need us.... reach out, we are here somewhere.
Huggz   

I  feel welcomed, encouraged and so glad to have caring folks to walk along side in this journey.
Thanks for all your suggestions.

So very sorry my welcome is coming so late. I have had a full day forsure.
You got lots of great advice here. These folks are great aren't they?! I am so glad that you have reached out for support. It is a long journey and not one to go alone.
Never ever feel shame for your need for or decision to have wls. It is a known fact that there is alot more to our stories than just being an overeater, in most cases anyhow. There are many other things that contribute to the weight gain and obesity and many are not within our control. Be proud that you have the stregnth and courage to fight back against the obesity. Stay determined to come out the winner for a lifetime!
Hugs and welcome!