One Week Ago Today

I had to write down in black and white  how I was feeling or I would explode -  I know some of you do not/can not understand/know what I am going through - but knew you would be here to listen just the same.......

Today I cannot concentrate or function well- My only thought is -- 1 week ago today I lost our baby… Reality has set in – I can not stop crying -- Depression is not far behind – I just want to crawl back into bed and go back to the day I found out I was pregnant – to do something different- maybe, just maybe I would have not lost the baby, had I changed something.  In my head I know that I could not have changed anything it is all in God’s hands, but within my heart is the hurt, the feelings of betrayal from my body not being able to give my husband his child, how much our baby was loved and very much wanted – the loss is real and extremely raw.  Men deal differently, I have apologized over and over to Allen, he holds me and tells me it is not my fault, I however feel as if it is, it is MY body that has betrayed us ……. I know I will be ok it will just take some time; I have the support of my wonderful husband, my loving daughters a multitude of loving friends and family. 

Phyllis, my heart goes out to you and I am so sorry for your loss. 

I can understand some of the feelings you are having.  I lost a baby due to a miscarriage when I was about 14 weeks pregnant.  It was almost 20 years ago, but I remember the extreme sadness, the anger, the confusion, the unanswered questions, like it was yesterday.

Please know that God is good and He would never give you a situation that He doesn't know that you can handle.  My prayers are with you. 

Take care.

Kim, thank you - yes God is good, I have to remind myself of that at the moment - it is my hurt and anger that push that aside - it is all in his hands -

ahhh Phyl, I am hurting right along with you. I cried when I read your post last week, and again today with this one. I know how much you wanted this. So much it felt more like a need. Know I love you and my heart and soul and prayers are with you and your husband at this time. There is nothing in the world I can say or do to change this, but just want you to know how much I care and hurt with you in this.

I don't want to upset you more, and I hope I do not, but I am wondering if the doctors have any idea why you were unable to carry this child? Maybe knowing can help protect against it happening next time, if you try for a next time.

Call me if you need to phyl. Any time. I mean it.
Hugs and love to you. You have been hugged by me lots of times over the years... so feel a big  Patrece hug wrapping you up in its love and warmth!

Phyllis, My dear friend whom I have never meet, I know the exact feeling you are having, as I have lost 3 in less then 2 years. Recent being August. I did the same thing you are doing, what did I DO wrong. Know its not you fault (yea everyone says that, and not sure if it really works) and in time you will heal, If you need anything, even just someone write to please feel free to message me.

Hope you feel better soon  

((((((((Phyllis))))))))

I want to fill your mind with so many tight hugs that your sorrow eases for a bit.  So sorry to hear of the loss, I have no idea on the depth of your grief.  I am here anytime you need to vent.  My shoulders are waterproof, lean on me and shed your tears.

Hugs, Kathy

Oh I wish I were there to give you a huge hug.  Please give yourself all the time in the world to feel this loss, don't rush yourself into feeling "better." We're always here for you anytime you need to vent.

Hugs,