Support Person

Hello Everyone,

I'm Not sure how many of you read my post in the welcome section.  But I mentioned that the support person that I am going to have is my Mom.  Unfortunately she has a tendancy to be very critical of me, sort of in a backhanded way.  Like today, My son who is 5 mentions to me after looking at me studiously that he didn't think I was missing a brain.   I asked him what he meant by that .. he tells me that Gramma (my Mom) said that I was Brainless.  I asked him .. when did gramma say that ?  he says when we were camping, which was tuesday of last week.  that is the kind of things that she does. 
Unfortunately, I don't think that the only other relative in the area (my sister) would be willing to do this with me, although at the last function that we were all at, My sister came to my defense with my mom .. I don't know ... Maybe I should email her.  that way she can read it on her own time and I can find out if she would be willing to do this with me.
Any one have any ideas ?? 

Good morning Jen... The best support I have found in life is my best friend, which is neither my mom nor my daughter. She is my sister, so I think you should email your sis and ask her. If she wont then look to your best friend not related to you. That is what works for me on any kind of support I need.
My mom is somewhat like yours, and an alcoholic, so I diss her negativity, and call my sis.
Hope this helps you somewhat...
Have a super day.

My support person is my best friend Julie. We have known each other since we were 12 and we are in our 30's now.  She is like a sister to me.  My mom is like yours, and my sister (although I lover her) has a tendency to critize my weight loss efforts.

I know both my mom and sister love me in their own ways, but sometimes I feel better crying on Jules's shoulder or calling at anytime of the day with a loud HELP! ....

So you may want to look at friend that is not a family member to help you out.

If I lived closer, I'd be there in a heartbeat.  I agree with the others.  And continue to come here to OH for support.  We will be here for you.  I understand family difficulties, living through some myself.  Do you know any specifics on what type of surgery, when?

Hugs, Kathy

I believe that me finding this site will be the best support that I will get, as I do not have any friends in the area. 
I am not sure as to what kind of surgery I will actually get, but the Orthopeadic doctor that has sent me to the bariatric surgeon has suggested the gastric by-pass, as it works in two ways limiting amount and malabsorbtion.  The appointment I have is on  this thursday with the bariatric surgeon.  My orthopeadic doctor was saying something along the lines of writing the letter as to by pass the period of time that you need to lose 20-30 pounds on your own. I also have the medicaid managed care so that will introduce all sorts of speed bumps as to when i imagine.  My mom was already complaining as to why she would have to go to this appointment. I think that I will send an email to my sister I think that she would be more help. my mom will just complain about everything especially when it interrupts her schedule.  Not that she has much of a schedule since she is retired.

Sorry .. I seem to be letting it all out this morning .. I should prolly write that email to my sis, while the words are flowing

Thank you for your support,

Jenn

Hi Jenn!

I am very blessed in that both my mom and my sister are very supportive of not only my decision to have WLS but pretty much anything I choose to do in my life. 

My sister attended a support group meeting with me and my mom attended my pre-surgery visit a couple of weeks ago.  They are both going to be with me when I have the surgery, as will my husband.  My husband is behind me 100% as well, but I have asked him to focus on filling in the gaps that my surgery and recovery will leave behind.  I want taking care of our kids to be his #1 priority.  

Is there a support group available in your area?  If so, I would suggest inviting your sister to attend one with you.  Once thing I would strongly suggest is to NOT make your mom's lack of support the focal point when asking for your sister's support.  In fact, I wouldn't even mention it.  I would just tell her that you appreciate the support and love she has shown you and that you would like to ask for her to be your support person as you go through the WLS process.

I pray that all works out well for you!  And, as others have mentioned, PLEASE continue to reach out to all of us as we are here to support each other!  Take care!

Let it all out Jen, thats what we are here for, isnt it? To help, for support, and to give knowledge to one another.
I would be your support also if I were close enough, but, you can always find me here, if I am awake and home, I am on OH. Maybe MIA for a little while at a time looking up info... but here.

 always browsing and reading something.

Hey Jenn,
It is unfortunate that your Mom chooses to degrade you to your child. I think if I were you, I might choose to limit visits there until she can learn to not be so disrespectful about you to your own child. She sounds very much like my mother was. (My Mother is no longer alive, she took her life 3 years ago march). But while she was alive, I learned to set boundries with her.  You may need to do the same. She has no right to say such mean things about you, let alone to your child. With that said, I would very very strongly encourage you to NOT have her as a support person, because it really sounds as if you will not recieve the support that your support person should be providing to you.
If you feel your sister will be respectful and supportive, definately ask her. A couple of questions here... first, have you discussed your plans for wls with your sister at all yet?  If so, how did she react to what you had to say? If you have not, discuss with her what your plans are, and feel her out and see how she reacts, before you ask her. Her reaction to your discussion will tell you if she will be the right person to ask or not.
You may consider as someone else mentioned, attending the local wls support group in your area and meeting people there. You may find someone who would LOVE to be your support person. Just make sure that they are someone who is working in the right direction in thier own journey.
I too would be there in a heartbeat for you. Only I am in Colorado. So to be an "in person" support person wouldn't be possible. BUT I am here on this forum. You can post here and lots of loving caring people will be here for you. You can also PM me or any members that you feel a connection with. Also, if you PM me, I will give you my phone number. You can call me when ever you need to.
I hate to say it like this, but I believe that honesty is the best policy...so here goes... You are better off having NO "live" support person, than you are to have one that will criticize, condemn, belittle, discourage, or otherwise negatively impact your journey.  While wls is a wonderful tool and can have such a positive life changing effect, it is not an easy journey. It takes work and comittment for a lifetime. Don't allow those who will sabotage your efforts be in a position to do so.
Your Bariatric Buddy Family wuill always be here for you to give you the love, acceptance and support that is so important to succeeding. NEVER apologize for ranting or venting. Thats why we are here, we all have our times we do this. We lovingly help each other through. You post anytime you need or want to and rant and rave when you need to.
Great big warm loving hugs to you! You are not alone. We are here!

Hello everyone,

Thank you for all of your support, and i have only been a member for 2 days.

I emailed my sister, told her all abou the appointment with the orthopaedic doctor and all the information that i was told there, which was.
1. no narcotics for pain (he doesn't believe in them)
2. no surgery on knees until BMI is below 40.
3. recommended WLS and why.
4. that he would write letters to the insurance stressing medical necessity.
told her about the appointment with the bariatric surgeon, asked her if she would go with me. 

She just emailed me back and said "of course i will go to the appt with you" then asked if it was like aa and would i be calling her when i was jonesing for Haggen Daas, and she would tell me to eat a carrot. 

I am so happy about this that I am in tears. I think that I am just not used to having people care so much.  

Thank you for the love that all of you are showing me with my problems.

Now I just need to find out how to let my mom down easy.  

Love you all,

Jenn 

Jenn, I am so glad to read your last entry here.  My heart feels for you.  Like patrece, my mom was not supportive and she has passed away.  I am blessed to have a husband who is taking this journey with me.  I will tall the rest of my family when the time is right, sometime after I start loosing the pounds.  I have tears in my eyes for your happiness.  Hugs.

ps.  keep using us for a sounding board and support.  That's what we are here for.  Kathy