Regain and mom!

Hi everyone..

  I have not been here in a while and that is not good for me, as I need to be accountable... I have had some weight gain since my surgery 2years ago, and my mom is not helping.  I am still fitting in my clothes, my weight is up 10 pounds.  She is analyzing everything I eat and today told me she can tell I have gained and thatn I am no longer a size 8! I got so upset and my old feelings of worthlessness crept in...I told her that I was in a size8 still... I do not want to live my life constantly under her scrutiny... What should I do?  I weigh myself DAILY..I know what I am eating...she still thinks I should only eat a few bites like when I was first post op... 

She got me so upset that I wanted to turn to my food friend...but I didn't..

 

I need some advice and help.. Is there anyone wanting a BOTT buddy??

Helen 

Helen. Not sure how old you are but you seem to allow your mother to control how you feel. If you are not in therapy yet. .. please consider going to one soon....
size 6 or 8 or 10.... you can't allow size or someones comments have such an influence on how you feel.
Hugs.

I am 45... My folks have always been my support.. I am divorced with 3 children... I used to eat away my emotions...

 

Helen 

Hi Helen:

Why don't you make a list of what you are eating each day for about three days.  Then compare them to what other people are eating here on this board or the RNY or Main Board.  If your foods are comparable to other folks then show that to your mom.  Also, if you are not exercising then find something that you like to do and do it.  It is probably not what you are eating as much as what you are burning during the day.  I am assuming that your mom lives with you or you live with her since she is able to see everything you eat.  Show her on the computer what you should be eating at 2 years out.  We will always be our parents children no matter how old we get and they will always want to tell us what to do, I think that is just part of life.  You could always reverse the scenario and star****ching everything your mom eats and tell her "are you really going to eat that"?  Good luck and come and post your eats on the Cardio and Cafe each morning.  We are here to give everybody support that ask for it.

Do you have a list of what I should be eating at two years out?

I do exercise regularly..

I think my mom is concerned that I am able to eat more than I could last year..I do not eat to the point of feeling sick...but I am able to eat more..I still follow the rules about fluids...

 

Helen 

I do know that people who are close to us have the ability to make us feel bad about ourself. That think they are helping.  I can tell you to ignore that... but when my friends- coworker ask me if I gained some weight recently - it upsets me - even though I really do not care what they think.   I should not get upset... but I still do...  So I do understand. 

((HUGS)))
 

Thank you for understanding... My folks have always made me feel inadequate and that is why I was heavy, I ate my emotions! I wanted to turn for the cookies after mom masked me that but I didn't!

 

Helen 

Since you are so close to your mother, maybe you can sit her down and tell her you know that she is only trying to help, but her being the food police is not helping you at all.. You need to be your own food police.   Tell her you appreciate the support that she is offering but maybe her going for a walk with you or minding the kids so you can go to a gym class might be better for you..

Thank you!

Hi Helen, 

   I understand the power family comments can have over your emotions.  It can be hard not to internalize your hurt and turn to food for comfort.  Old habits can die hard.  Your mom most likely is only concerned for your well-being and doesn't want to see you unhappy.  In her own way, she's trying to protect you (like all parents do) from something she knows has been harmful to you in the past. 

  Personally, I just joined this group because my 10# gain turned to 60#.  My family also tried to get me to see what was happening by making comments, which didn't help....I'm also an emotional eater.  Sometimes we need our support outside of our close family & friends.  If you'd like a partner on this journey, please feel free to keep in touch.  I'm 4 years out.