Having some major anxiety... repost

 Hey Everyone,

I posted on the WLS grads board before I realized it wasn't really frequented a whole lot...so I apologize for the repost

I had surgery in 11/07 when I was 25 years old - everything has been fine - no complications so far except recently.  I have a beautiful daughter (born in 12/09) most likely because of it... 

I recently (weeks ago) lost my father at the age of 55 to cancer.  From diagnosis to his death he fought hard - and it still consumed him in 18 short months.  This man was my superman, he was healthy as a horse (besides the cancer, obvs), and now that he's gone major panic is setting in about my own fate.  It's like reality slapped me in the face.  He ate right, exercised, never smoked, never drank and was always a healthy weight.  

While taking care of him on hospice and in the few weeks after he passed I had stopped eating - I lost 20 lbs. in a months time.  I was drinking soda, nursing an injured shoulder and stupidly took motrin (for the first and only time) and gave myself gastritis.  I am now on Carafate and Prilosec for two weeks hoping it clears up.  

I was a borderline diabetic and also had PCOS both of which have resolved since the surgery - the main reason I had surgery was because I was told I would most likely not be able to get pregnant unless I lost a significant amount of weight.

Now that I have lost weight and I have my daughter - I'm afraid I'm not going to be around long enough to see her grow up.  I keep having thoughts that my RNY is going to mechanically fail, I'm going to perforate an ulcer and die, or I'm just going to end up in such a huge malabsorptive mess I'll be sick and she'll have to go through what I'm going through - and that I won't be there for her.

What if I only get 10-15, 20 years out of this surgery?  What if I die at age 45 from complications?  That is so young...?  Did I have the surgery too young?  For the wrong reasons?

I'm sure this is all anxiety - but there's no data on long term post op longevity and I'm just wondering if I jumped in too fast and made the wrong decision.... 

I guess I just need some support please... 

Weight Loss surgery goes back a lot of years.  20 or more.  The data is what is making all the new things come up suchy as vitamins that we need to take in order to stay healthy and all.  No there is no guarantee for any of us.  But all the other patients I know have all been told that if we follow the guidelines, take our supplements, watch our food/water intake, stay away from dangerous meds, and exericse, we will have a better chance at a healthy life.

Greif expresses itself in so many ways.  Have you considered counseling to help you work through it and your anxiety?  I wish you the best in your journey.

So sorry about your Dad. That must be very tough to deal with. I would also suggest counseling for help and someone to talk to you! You must take care of yourself for you and also for your daughter. Come to this site also for support. We will be here for you!

Take Care Julie

Hi, sorry for your loss,  I recently lost my Mom at 83 but you are never ready to lose a parent.  I got off track last 5 yrs with stress and personal problems, and now on the road back to making me a priority.    I had my Rny 1989 and 6 of my friends followed me in 1990,  We are all alive and doing good. I had complications the rest had none.  You will be fine and alot more healthy now for your familyl.  So try to stop worrying. 

My you have a lot going on. With you dad passing in his mid 50's it has set you to thinking aobut life. You are several years post surgery. Have you had problems with malasorption? these usually show up early. You are in charge of your health and wel being. You ahve made good choices and are taking care of yourself. Look at all the good you have accomplished.

Anything can happen in life but letting worry overcome us makes us lose out on the life we are living. Enjoy each day to the fullest so you have little regret about your life. Enjoy hte time you have. Having the surgery was a major decision but it drastically improved your health and added years to your life. Diabetes and were able to have a beautiful daughter.

Keep up on your labs to be sure you add any vitamins you need. Keep up with the protien even when things are hard and stressful. Jerky is a great snack when you have little time to eat and are needing something munchy to deal with stress.
Life is not guarenteed to last so all we can do is enjoy the time we are granted.

 I just wanted to write back and say thank you to everyone for the advice... if everyone is saying the same thing it means there is some sort of irrationality to my thoughts...

I think making the awful mistake and healing up from gastritis really reminded me how vulnerable I am... I wasn't taking care of myself the way I should have been and I hope I didn't do any major damage.

So now the rx is prilosec and carafate for two more weeks and a soft, bland diet - it's funny though - I've forgotten how to eat like a fresh post op - can anyone give me any suggestions or recipes to start me off?  My doc's office said soft scrambled eggs, sip on broth, soups, oatmeal, etc.  What do you guys think?

Thanks again - the loss of my father was more than just losing him - it represents a huge loss to me of security, of stability (due to other past issues)... and my relationship with him was complex to say the least.  I miss him terribly...

I'm seeing someone to help me through this hard time - and everyone has reassured me this is a normal reaction - and I'm not crazy (as I have felt)....