It is me again.

Hi Everyone, I have introduced myself on here … at least twice before. Always with a new resolution to get back on track. I had my surgery in Nov. of 2006, with a beginning weight of 358. I initially lost 180 pounds. Wow! I wore a size 12, never in my adult life had I worn a size 12. The first time I remember buying woman’s clothing and not “pretty plus" it was a 14. Ok – fast forward. My husband’s kidney disease kicked into overdrive and totally shut his kidneys down. He began dialysis, and went on medical disability. And me…I gained 80 pounds. I have lost and gained twenty or so but have been about this size for at least a year. I am wearing the same shorts this summer as last – jean shorts no elastic. So now I want to get back to eating healthy, exercising and feeling good about myself. Why those three things go together in my mind I cannot tell you. I’ve been through years of therapy and still don’t know. Don’t get me wrong, therapy was very useful it just seems like I hit a wall with this and never could get to understand why or more importantly be able to truly change linking my self-worth with my weight.   I have been trying to get back on track for the past week – some days more successful than others, Ok I had one day that I was happy with. The longer I try, the more often I fail, the more depressed I get. The more depressed I get the more I eat, the more depressed I get, the more I want to cry, sleep and eat and nothing else in the entire world. I currently take anti-depressants – before you ask.  When I eat like an ostrich (with my head in the sand) you know … pretty much anything I want. { And yes, I sadly know that my pouch (which has probably been too stretched to be called a pouch anymore) can handle just about anything.} When I don’t think about what I am eating, I ignore the problem,  I’m Ok. I’m not so depressed. Sort of like the loss of a loved one. The true pain, doesn’t really go away for a long long time…but the frequency of our thinking about them makes it seem like the pain is lessening because we are feeling it less often but the intensity – when it comes is the same. I wonder, is the pain of depression hid by the food and just exposed when I try to eat healthy or am I not depressed until I focus my attention on my inadequacies?   The other thing is that the weight loss now seems so huge – that seems ridiculous. I’ve done it before! I also know from experience that I will feel better just from eating better and exercising, I don’t have to lose all of the weight in order to feel physically better. Even with everything I know in my head my heart equally knows I can’t do it again!    

You can do this... we all can do this... we have done it before and we can do it again... stick to know we know to do... read your information from you dietary class before surgery... or look it up on line!!!!  I have faith in you!!!!!!!!  Hang in there!!!!

Thanks Amanda - for wading throught that long post and for the encouragement.  I am not giving up! Back to basics.  Here we go again!

It it was that easy - we would not need WLS. Keep trying.
For me = complex detox from carbs is the issues. With low carb lifestyle - most of the cravings go away.  How much meat you really can eat?
With carbs - I have no restriction (almost ) with proteins - I have t measure my food.
BTW: sugar alcohols and artificial sweeteners - even though theoretically they are not suppose to affect or blood sugar level - then do for me.  Just saying.

Pretty much what I am doing right now...detox!

High protein, low carbs - complex carbs only -  measure everything.

I'm planning meals the day ahead and walking - next week I'll kick up the activity level. 

Back to basics and BACK ON TRACK!

BTW - some of us trying and the rest are doing the low carb lifestyle...
check the group...
http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/atkins/discussion/

wow, me too! I can't do the sugar alcohols or the artificial sweetners. I think it triggers something in my brain, I dunno.

Right after surgery, the artificial sweetners literally hurt my belly. I thought of  it as a God thing, because I do not think they are healthy in the least. Have read studies that they are actually increasing diabetes incidence. And I never had much dumping syndrome from eating sugars, just not really into sweet all that much, really. I have tried to stick with whole foods, but I think fruit and what not can be overdone. Essentialy they are carbs. 

I am realizing that it is time for me to give up all the carbs, yet again. I thought I could do the whole grains and what not, but I am not losing. With protein I get full, fast, too.

For me it is time to allow my little buddy to work for me. And it works fine if I eat protein.

An issue I do have, is the vitamins, chewables have a small  amount of carbs, sweetners. I know I have not been able to go into ketosis, which is not really a goal of mine, but just saying I am concerned about the carbs in the vitamins we have to take.

Time to do a food log again. Get honest with myself. Reality check for me will mean I need to actually measure and weigh things, so I do not fool myself. No more lies.

Bottom line, I want to lose this last 125 pounds, maybe even more. I want my body back, I want to be able to function. I think for me, the bigger issues are emotional.

STRESS

Just moved to a new state, lost my partner because I was completely shut down, isolated before coming here. Not easy to just change everything over night and like it. I am not happy, I still miss my partner and am  beating myself up for losing the best thing I ever had in my life.

Yes, I have a therapist here already. I am going to the support group where I had my surgery. And doing the bariactric group therapy as well. just started getting active here.

Time for a complete detox. Time for a fresh start.

BTW - some of us trying and the rest are doing the low carb lifestyle...
check the group...
http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/atkins/discussion/

Good luck.

Hi DianeGloria,
Success is never giving up!!  you can do it!  Do you log your food on line or written.  I use myfitnesspal.com for logging my food and exercise.  iti is a great site for online support also.  I too started going back to support groups and getting ready to start an eating disorder program also.  Feel free to message me your email address if you want to join me on myfitnesspal.com

Thank you, I completely agree with you... and will never give up. I just got active over on Spark People, logging all my food, water... etc. Just learning this site and that is a whole lot o learning, lol.

I will check out myfitnesspaal.com

And kudos to you, for addressing the eating disorder head on. Very proud of you.

It is all about getting honest, willingness and openness. Yep, that is HOW it works, for sures!

my email address is  [email protected]

Please feel free to email me anytime, though I have been taking cyber breaks, as computer'ing is an issue for me and my addictive personality. It was part of my falling down that rabbit hole, I may have spoke about here.

Keeping you in my prayers,
Di