Back On Track Together
Where am I now? (x-post)
Today is my 30th wedding anniversary. I really can not believe it has been 30 years ago today that I said "I do" to my sweetie. We have had many ups and downs but it has really been a wonderful marriage. Our life today has never been boring and I have learned not to "Sweat the Small Stuff". We have decided to celebrate our special day in November with a trip to Disney. We will ride an Amtrack sleeper car to and from Orlando and stay in a really nice resort hotel in Disney for 5 days. It should be cool enough for my DH to enjoy and still not too cool that I will freeze to death!
A few weeks ago, Ray, my boss and friend of more then 22 years took his life. I can not remember the death of anyone having such a impact on me in my 49 years. I had already been struggling with changes at work since last October. I had been questioning some the decisions made by both agency principals. Now with Ray's death, I am finding out the man I thought was Ray, really was not. I had been taking care of all of Ray's personal accounts for the last 15 years and still did not realize the person I felt a loyalty toward was not in fact the real Ray. In the last few weeks I have had to spend hours at a time answering questions from attorneys, estate administrators, business partners and banking authorities. Each question a piece to the puzzle that will eventually show us the real Ray. Through all of this I have felt betrayed and find myself second guessing every aspect of my life. I have found myself moving from grief to anger and back again for the last few weeks untilI finally I said ENOUGH!
I stopped answering the phone on Friday night and concentrated on my life and the living. My DH celebrated his birthday this weekend and we rented a Harley Davidson trike for 2 days. It was a BLAST! Although I found that I enjoy my own motorcycle far more than being a passenger on the trike. I think with my own bike I feel more in control. On the trike, even as a driver, I did not feel the same freedom. Weird, I know.
Today is Labor Day and we will celebrate our anniversary with a lunch at a Mexican restaurant. But I have recommitted my life back to myself. I will make sure all meals are protein forward, make sure I get in all my fluids, move my body as much as possible. I have decided to look into the possibility of a yoga class. I am hoping to jump start the weight loss again. At 3 1/2 years out, I find my self fighting to keep the weight off, but I also see old habits sneaking back into my life. I am alive and real, I will trust my decisions and stop second guessing myself. I can not control how others live their lives, but I can live mine to the fullest with healthy choices. So watch out world.....I am back!
A few weeks ago, Ray, my boss and friend of more then 22 years took his life. I can not remember the death of anyone having such a impact on me in my 49 years. I had already been struggling with changes at work since last October. I had been questioning some the decisions made by both agency principals. Now with Ray's death, I am finding out the man I thought was Ray, really was not. I had been taking care of all of Ray's personal accounts for the last 15 years and still did not realize the person I felt a loyalty toward was not in fact the real Ray. In the last few weeks I have had to spend hours at a time answering questions from attorneys, estate administrators, business partners and banking authorities. Each question a piece to the puzzle that will eventually show us the real Ray. Through all of this I have felt betrayed and find myself second guessing every aspect of my life. I have found myself moving from grief to anger and back again for the last few weeks untilI finally I said ENOUGH!
I stopped answering the phone on Friday night and concentrated on my life and the living. My DH celebrated his birthday this weekend and we rented a Harley Davidson trike for 2 days. It was a BLAST! Although I found that I enjoy my own motorcycle far more than being a passenger on the trike. I think with my own bike I feel more in control. On the trike, even as a driver, I did not feel the same freedom. Weird, I know.
Today is Labor Day and we will celebrate our anniversary with a lunch at a Mexican restaurant. But I have recommitted my life back to myself. I will make sure all meals are protein forward, make sure I get in all my fluids, move my body as much as possible. I have decided to look into the possibility of a yoga class. I am hoping to jump start the weight loss again. At 3 1/2 years out, I find my self fighting to keep the weight off, but I also see old habits sneaking back into my life. I am alive and real, I will trust my decisions and stop second guessing myself. I can not control how others live their lives, but I can live mine to the fullest with healthy choices. So watch out world.....I am back!
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Cathy W.
Group Leader
Kathy S.
Moderator