ARE YOU A WINNER?

A Simple Way to Get Past Your Resistance
by Katie Jay, MSW, CTA Certified Life Coach
Director, National Association for Weight Loss Surgery

 
I have been going to dog-training classes. My dog is not the
problem. I am. I can't seem to be consistent in my approach
to Ruby, so in her confusion she misbehaves.
 
It's my responsibility to set boundaries with Ruby so that
she knows what to do, but I feel inadequate. I'm too busy.
I forget to practice. I'd rather do something else. I have
to work. I have a million excuses.
 
My resistance creates unwanted consequences
 
For awhile Ruby's indiscretions (a.k.a. my unwillingness to
train my dog) were tolerable. She chewed a pair of my son's
tube socks. She ate the cat's food. She pulled on the leash
when I walked her.
 
But things have gotten worse. Ruby nips me to let me know
it is time for her walk. She dines on litter-box fare (yuck!).
She jumps onto the furniture when we turn our backs.
 
I have to get past my resistance
 
If I continue to let Ruby get away with these antics, and
inevitably let things get worse, my life is going to get a
lot more chaotic. And the consequences will become dire.
 
(Sadly, it's at this point that many families give their
pets back to the adoption agency. The problem goes from
cute to annoying to intolerable.)
 
Resistance undermines weight loss surgery progress, too
 
When my hunger came back after weight loss surgery, it
was almost cute at first. I ate half of a french fry and
one bite of a dessert at a wedding reception. I felt
petite and in control.
 
I was resisting my surgeon's guidelines, but rationalized
that I followed most of them
 
For awhile my indiscretions (a.k.a. my unwillingness to
follow my plan) were tolerable. I wasn't gaining weight
and I felt great.
 
But things got worse. I started eating popcorn every
night. I quit exercising at the gym. I ate toast
with butter at bedtime.
 
And my food cravings got worse
 
So, I pushed my limits ever further. As this happened,
I began to negotiate with myself about everything. Could
I eat this at 3pm if I ate less of something at dinner?
How many calories is that snack food and maybe it's okay
to eat if I skip my protein drink (thus avoiding the
extra calories).
 
It was annoying to always be negotiating with myself,
pushing the boundaries. The consequences became more
dire; I gained a few pounds.
 
Now my behavior felt intolerable to me
 
A few pounds is not a big concern in the vast scheme of
things. But it is at this point that many weight loss
surgery patients give up. But I didn't give up.
 
Like Ruby, I needed clearer limits
 
I was in pure resistance mode. I was out of control and
looking for trouble.
 
Unlike my dog, though, I could identify my resistance
and make a decision to set better limits for myself.
So, that's what I did.
 
I used my husband's motto to challenge myself
 
As my biggest cheerleader, Mike has always supported me
in my efforts at self improvement and with my dream to
help others overcome obesity.
 
During times when I have felt uncertain or fearful or
discouraged he has put his hands on my shoulders, looked
me in the eyes, and made me repeat after him:
 
"I am a winner."
 
He makes me say it until I really feel it. Sometimes I
get really mad at him, but he persists until he breaks
my resistance.
 
One morning, Mike noticed I did not write down a food
plan or seem to have any intention of making one. So,
he made me say that phrase. It's hard to feel resistance
and feel like a winner at the same time. So, for a few
moments, as we looked into each other's eyes, I felt
like a winner.
 
Over the course of that day I decided to keep saying
it to myself
 
I got past my resistance to healthier eating using my
own version of Mike's saying:
 
"I'm a winner, and winners _____________________."
 
I filled in the blank depending on what I was doing. So,
when I wanted to eat fast food for lunch, I told myself:
 
"I'm a winner, and winners eat *healthy*, great-tasting
meals."
 
When I wanted to skip going to the gym, I told myself:
 
"I'm a winner, and winners exercise daily."
 
And when I wanted to eat that french fry, I told myself:
 
"I'm a winner, and winners eat healthy fats, not trans fats."
 
Everyone wants to win
 
When I look at my choices from the vantage point of being
a winner, it's easy to see which choices will serve me
well and which ones won't.
 
When I feel like a winner, I am much happier to do the
next right thing -- to resist the temptation to overeat
or to pick unhealthy foods.
 
Do you want to feel like a winner?
 
No, you can't borrow Mike! Go stand in front of your
mirror, and look into your own eyes. Smile broadly and
say, "I'm a winner!"
 
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